…….As Only Your Mama Can 

In August of 2009, I initiated a blog to my daughter, Madison, in attempt to say in writing to her what I could not say in person.  As well, it was my attempt to share with her what my parents had shared with me….messages from my heart to hers.  I tried to write each Monday, thus, “If It’s Monday, It’s Mom”. 

Over the past four years, approximately 208 weeks, I have missed less than 24 weeks (6 months) total. It is probably the most committed writing project I have ever attempted and is one of my favorites.  It is my legacy to my daughter.   

I don’t know if anything I have said to Madison (and, now my sons) makes any difference, but I believe that one day it will….if nothing else, it will give them a glimpse into the heart and soul of their mother… 

…and, that will be enough. 

So, as my young-woman-daughter moves this weekend into her own (well, she’s renting from a sweet friend, but Delia will understand what I mean), it is not a bittersweet moment for me.  No, not at all. 

Will I miss Madison?  Miss the many, many days I await her smallish red sports car turning into our driveway…fixing her a cup of tea and talking about that evening’s work shift?  Will I miss the tender moments spent out on our deck sipping our hot drinks and sharing about life?  Will I miss being here as she cries over a patient who is not fairing well or a friend who is struggling?

Absolutely. 

I carry each moment in my heart as a precious gift from God….and, I am grateful. 

It is a privilege to be a Mama..Mother…Mom - especially to be hers.

It is an honor to carry a person within your being, give birth and then watch him/her grow and be and become….

It is a gift from God to share life with the life which God placed within you…. 

As Madison takes her next steps further into adulthood, I will not walk with her in quite the same way.  Our bond will change…it will be different…. 

I have always asked my children to leave our home “under the blessings of your parents”.  Madison does that this weekend.  She leaves my and her Ladder’s home with our blessing, our prayers and our growing excitement as we watch her grow “into one of the loveliest flowers in the garden of life”. 

She’s ready… 

So, to Madison, daughter, friend, and precious girl….I say…

“I love you more than all of the sand on all of the beaches on all of the world….
 

                              .....As Only Your Mama Can”

 

Mama

 

 

 

 

 

 

Five Minute Friday: Lonely

Five Minute Friday:  Lonely

 

I have been on both sides of being lonely.  I have been in a crowd of people and felt lonely.  I have been by myself and been lonely.  I have lived in the darkness which loneliness can present.  And, I have lived in the sunlight which loneliness can afford.

I have wallowed in it.  I have waded through it. 

I have given way to despair of it.  I have risen to great heights of hope through it. 

They say “hope is a thing with feathers which perches on the soul” 

Loneliness is hope reversed which tears down all the possibility of perching…. 

Or…..does it? 

As I look back of the seasons of loneliness I have endured, lived through, survived, I more often than not see something surprising…

I see surrender 

In my own smallish life, I see those times of loneliness as some of my greatest seasons for personal growth….for internal development and for spiritual renewal. 

One of my favorite quotes is,  

“when you get to the bottom of yourself, you get to the beginning of God”…. 

And, that is what I see when I glance over my shoulder and back on my life….

Surrender…. getting to the bottom of myself...and, the beginning of Him....

Growth 

Faith

Perseverance 

And, so many other qualities I would not have developed had I not been, at one time, lonely. 

And, just as significant… 

When I turn back….when I reach back….when I purposefully think back…. 

It was when I was at my most lonely of days that God’s presence was most revealed to me…. 

Because out of my loneliness, I was able to look up…to look through….to look into….in a way I which would not have been possible had I not at one time, first…been….

Lonely.

And, greater still….when I pause for reflection of those seasons in my life of loneliness….I see now the myriad of people God sent into my life to hold me, encourage me, love me…. 

And, I am grateful. 

While I do not want to pass through that curtain of loneliness any more than necessary….I know now that when I do, to understand that this may be a season for reflection, for growth, for healing…. 

For my faith to widen and my heart to expand….my spirit to increase and my love to endure… 

There is always the opportunity for growth… 

Even when…. 

Lonely

Our “Senior” Moments…….. 

Tuesday, August 06, 2013, began what is certain to be a quick ride to the graduation assembly in 2014.  Johnson and Kenton have come a long way since their pre-school moments at “MY SCHOOL” pre-school under the leadership of much beloved Patty Rhodes. 

Then, on to Central Christian kindergarten (twice), Garden Springs real kindergarten and eventually a move to Scott County Schools as they entered first grade and now enter twelfth grade. 

To say time has flown is a major understatement….. 

When they place your little bundle (in our case bundles) in your arms in the hospital, you are told to hold sacred every moment because they will fly by fast….”they” were not speaking in jest.   

Yesterday….really….yesterday, my babies were babies….in my arms…. 

I blinked twice and now they are boy-men. 

Where did the time go when they were so small that I could lay them on my smallish foot stool and they both fit nicely?  What happened to those little bare feet which loved to slide across the hardwood floors in white-soxed feet?   

I confess, I don’t fully understand boys….even though I have mothered two for 18 years now.  They are just different from us girls.  From the very beginning, they were.....well, just different. 

They can scare me to death with their antics, they can make my heart burst with pride with their serving, they can melt my heart with their words and actions.

 

I love my children with “a purple passion”……and, I wish I could take credit for any of the good that can be found in them, but I cannot.  It is all God. 

And, now, I can sincerely say….THANK GOD they are all God’s doing for if it had been up to me, I am confident, I would not have done the job of raising them they deserve. 

I am always honest in my blogging (perhaps sometimes too much so for some), but I write what I write for my children…..and, no one else.  I simply share with you because I know you love me and my children…and there is comfort in that. 

So, as we head into my children’s senior year, and especially my boys….I ask you…. 

Please pray for them….for God to reach deep inside their hearts and pull out the very best…HIS very best out of them.  Pray that they are safe and that they make wise and good decisions.  Pray for God to direct them on the path He would have them go.  That He will walk with them every single step of every single day that they are walking.  Pray that they are challenged academically.  Pray that they are humbled in real ways which drop them to their knees in the knowledge of whom it is they should live for.  Pray for their fun to be good, clean fun with good, clean kids.  Pray that they shed some bad habits and grow into some new ones.  Pray that they keep their true and real friends and let go of those who would draw them downward.  Pray they are good, solid citizens who grow into the understanding of what it means to have good work ethic and integrity….honesty and compassion. 

Pray that they live up to the very God given potential that He intended them to have…..

And, I will do the same for you. 

 

I truly believe praying for one another's children...especially our seniors....is one of the greatest gifts of friendship we can give one another...

 

 

Blessings…. 

Lesa 

 

P.S.  There is a reason our boys rode to school in a limo....a bittersweet story for another day!

Five Minute Friday: Belong

Deep in the heart of each of us is that sacred place, that room, that dwelling where we can go to be loved and cared for and accepted.  Some find it early in life and are able to grow and thrive and flourish.  Some search for it diligently and longingly their whole existence and never find that sacred passage.  But most….we find it.  It may be laid out all bare and open and ready for our presence, and we may walk right past and have to turn back. It may be all hidden, like a secret garden with foliage hiding is entry, and we miss its entrée and have to cut through.  And, for some, it lights upon us carefully like the ocean’s waves sneaking upon the shores to greet the early riser.  But, it is there for all…it is open to all….it is available for all.  The finding of it ‘oft comes in the way our hearts search for it.  The finding of it is in where we allow our souls to travel in seeking it.  It starts with ourselves….knowing, believing, accepting that we are beautiful, lovely, worthy.  And, it begins with knowing that our beauty, our loveliness and our worthiness is not a gift we can bestow upon ourselves.  It is a treasure already gifted us long before we were formed in our mother’s womb…eons prior to our arriving in this world….way before we began the journey to that sacred place in our heart.  It began in the heavens, where our hairs are counted and our days are numbered and our soul’s longings are answered.  It is where it all began, that need and accepting that truly, really, sincerely….we all….

 

Belong

 

 

 

 

 

……..As Only Your Mama Can

 

R is for Redeemed, Relinquish, and Resolute 

One of statan’s greatest joys is to bind us up in despair.  Where he can make us lose faith, forego hope, give into self-pity, he wins.   

Don’t let him. 

….he will use every resource he can to make you feel bad, sad, wounded…

Unworthy, unforgiven, un-necessary….. 

Don’t let him. 

Why? 

Because, while there can be truth in the things satan will lay on your heart about yourself…. (otherwise, we would easily reject these thoughts), that is not the way of our Father…that is not the “truth” he wants us to see ourselves through…. 

Our God tells us… 

You are wonderfully and faithfully made

You are worthy

You are beautiful

He reminds us

You are precious like gold 

You are holy 

You are perfect 

Can you know this for sure? 

Absolutely….. 

Because our God, our Father….our Savior, our Hope…. 

Redeemed us….

HE redeemed us….he bought us back with a price 

That of His very own son…. 

“since you call on a Father who judges each person’s work impartially, live out your time as foreigners here in reverent fear.  For you know that it was not with perishable things such as silver or gold that you were redeemed from the empty way of life handed down to you from your ancestors, but…. 

With the precious blood of Christ, a lamb without blemish or defect.”  I Peter 1:17-20 

Redemption is a great gift…and, one only our Father in heaven can give us….

 

Yet, He did….and He does….and He will…. 

Claim that, daughter.  Claim that redemption. 

Because no matter what anyone else might have you believe,

No matter what you tell yourself 

You are worthy…. 

You are Redeemed…… 

Seems like all I could see was the struggle
Haunted by ghosts that lived in my past
Bound up in shackles of all my failures
Wondering how long is this gonna last
Then You look at this prisoner and say to me "son
Stop fighting a fight it's already been won"

I am redeemed, You set me free
So I'll shake off these heavy chains
Wipe away every stain, now I'm not who I used to be
I am redeemed, I'm redeemed

All my life I have been called unworthy
Named by the voice of my shame and regret
But when I hear You whisper, "Child lift up your head"
I remember, oh God, You're not done with me yet

I am redeemed, You set me free
So I'll shake off these heavy chains
Wipe away every stain, now I'm not who I used to be

Because I don't have to be the old man/woman inside of me
'Cause his day is long dead and gone
Because I've got a new name, a new life, I'm not the same
And a hope that will carry me home

I am redeemed, You set me free
So I'll shake off these heavy chains
Wipe away every stain, 'cause I'm not who I used to be

I am redeemed, You set me free
So I'll shake off these heavy chains
Wipe away every stain, yeah, I'm not who I used to be
Oh, God, I'm not who I used to be
Jesus, I'm not who I used to be
'Cause I am redeemed
Thank God, redeemed

 

~Big Daddy Weave 

R is for Relinquo

Relinquo is Latin for abandon….to leave behind…to let go

I sincerely believe that sometimes in life we have to “let go” and “let God”.  Sometimes, despite our very best efforts to change ourselves, our relationship with others, our lives, we have no control over these things…. 

We come to the fork in the middle of the road…..and, all we can do is  

Give it all over to God and let Him work on it…. 

Exodus 14:14 is one of my absolute favorite verses 

“The Lord will fight for you; you need only be still”

I have shared with you this verse many times, but what I have not shared with you are its surrounding verses….

“Moses answered the Israelites who were wandering in the desert and were in despair….moaning about how life really was better in captivity (really??).  They even tell Moses, “leave us alone….it would have been better for us to serve the Egyptians than to die in the desert.”  (really, really??) 

But, Moses…he does not join in their despair, in their weakness, in their fear…..he tells them 

“Do not be afraid….Stand firm and you will see the deliverance the Lord will bring you today.  The Egyptians you see today you will never see again.” 

And, God was true to His word…as all those Egyptians were drowned in the sea as the Israelites crossed the sea on dry ground and were saved. 

THIS is a big deal!!! 

When you relinquish your life to God, He does not say it will be an easy life.  In fact, He tells you it will be difficult to be a child of His…. 

But, He also tells you it will be worth it…. 

“Consider it pure joy, my brothers and sisters, whenever you face trials of many kinds, because you know that the testing of your faith produces perseverance.  Let perseverance finish its work so that you may be mature and complete, not lacking in anything.”  James 1:2-4

It took me many years of my life to come to fully appreciate this verse….so much simpler to bemoan my fate of some of the trials that my life had to offer. 

But, I have learned that while I cannot control all the things that this life will throw at me….I can control how I will respond to them. 

I cannot control how others may treat me.  But, I can chose to let that be their issue, not mine.

I cannot control the trials that will come my way.  But, I can chose not to give into frustration or despair.

I cannot control those who would make me feel unworthy.  But, I can choses to see myself through God’s eyes….

I pray you learn this early on…. 

“Until Jesus Christ is the obsession of your heart, you will always be looking to mere men/women to meet the needs that only He can fill.

And, as sure as the sun arose this morning, man/woman will disappoint, hurt, mislead you…. 

But, God…..He is a promise-keeper!! 

Relinquo it all to him…. 

R is for Resolute

Resolute means to have purposeful determination.  Life is not for the faint of heart.  We truly do live in an “only the strongest survive” world.  Sadly, at times, we are made to believe that to be true survivors, we have to lie, cheat, steal and be mean to do so.

That just is not true. 

 

But, what you do have to do is “armor” yourself….just like the knights you witnessed a few weeks ago…you do need to armor yourself with the love, the knowledge, the garments of God….. 

And, you must do it purposefully… 

Resolutely… 

With purposeful determination…. 

Yes, you will get knocked off your horse a few times.

Yes, it may be painful.

Yes, you may have to relinquo some things.

Yes, yes…..

Yes…. 

But, above all else, you must be resolute….purposefully determined to not just survive…but, to thrive…. 

And, there is only one way you can do that with real success…. 

There is only one way you will be able to “get back up on that horse and go, go, go!”……. 

And, that is by holding the hand of the one who paid it all for you…

The one who says, “you have been weighed, you have been measured…..you have been found worthy.”

Your Redeemer….Your Protector…. 

Your One True Father…. 

Blessings, 

Mama

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

A Mama Moment....with Kenton July 3, 2013

A Mama Moment……..with Kenton

 

I love that we have a deck out back large enough to feel like a room.  Because, what it provides is an open opportunity to go outside by one’s self to reflect and think and grow…beyond the crazy-business of life inside our home.  When I was growing up, I could walk to the pond.  For my children, their “get-away” is the deck surrounding the pool.  Not as organic as mine, but serving the purpose just as well.  I truly believe we all need a place where we can go…and do…and be…..to think, to dream, to change. 

On this particular day, I was out reading, which I am oft to do when weather permits…and, my son Kenton joined me.

I have learned with Kenton to just “be still”…..when he is ready, he will talk.  When he is finished being ready, he will stop talking.   

But, the moments in-between are precious to my heart. 

Kenton is growing. 

He is searching, thinking, delving and becoming. 

It is my humble privilege to have a front row seat to watching him. 

On this day, he joined me on the deck…… 

”Mama….I’ve been thinking” 

Pause….. 

And, he goes on to share his thoughts….about life, about high school, college, the military…girls…etc. 

 

A LOT of words for a young man who typically few of words....

Deep thoughts, not so deep thoughts, forward-thinking thoughts…thoughts of his past. 

Things I hold sacred….between mother and son

Things I hold in gratitude….that he would be willing to share 

Silly things, funny things, immature things, manly things….. 

Little insights into his heart….. 

I wrap our conversations around my heart like a blanket and am grateful….

 

……may I never miss a single one

 

 

Five Minute Friday: Beautiful

A little brown, straight haired girl with crooked bangs and a lopsided grin, all laughter and fun and mischievous glancing straight your way. 

A too mature body on a too young heart.  Braces, glasses and an awkward way of talking.  Freckles so many and boys moving too fast in your direction. 

The first glimpses of woman, tiny, petite and not yet of great substance.  Formed by the suggestions of those around her, some good, some not, but all impacting her heart, her self, her soul. 

The blossoming of femininity, senses catching up with heart, a growing of self and a view which can only come from God for in its frame is a picture of loveliness. 

Allowing another to come into your life and twine as “one” should be a beautiful thing,  a union to bring the lovely into one another….but, not always is this the case. 

A season of motherhood revitalizing what is good about a person’s soul and reminding them of the responsibility to care and nurture and love….thank God for these little blessings.  They are the reminder that to God…..we are all beautiful.

A woman of faith, imperfect and failing, grasps His hand and walks a journey no one else can understand but one which saves. 

Rebirth comes to us if we allow and open our hearts to God’s compassion, His mercy, His grace.  It is all there waiting for all there wanting for all there needing a soul’s revision in life. 

For ultimately, the only matter that our lives make is in that it carries us continuously back to the One who crafts us…..

Beautiful

......As Only Your Mama Can

…….As Only Your Mama Can

 

It has been awhile….it’s time to start back up….

 

 

P is for Personal, Prudent and Possession.

 

P is for Personal

 

One of my favorite quotes from “You Got Mail” is when Meg Ryan says to Tom Hanks, “ 

Joe Fox: It wasn't... personal.

 

Kathleen Kelly: What is that supposed to mean? I am so sick of that. All that means is that it wasn't personal to you. But it was personal to me. It's *personal* to a lot of people. And what's so wrong with being personal, anyway?

Joe Fox: Uh, nothing.

Kathleen Kelly: Whatever else anything is, it ought to begin by being personal. 

“Whatever else anything is, it ought to begin by being personal.” 

If part of the reason we exist is to share the light of the Lord with others, then we have to learn to be personal with others.  Personal in a good and Godly way.  Personal in a caring and real way.  But, personal, all the same. 

But, I think today, we confuse being personal with being public.  Yes, I am a fan of Facebook and other media opportunities, and honestly, I enjoy sharing and being shared with.  I like that you can renew friendships with others you have not seen in many years, that you can learn of prayer requests, celebrations, and the like.  But, I am not fooled.  All this sharing may be personal in nature at times, but it is not authentic “personal”.   

That kind of personal involves a mutual joining in life…. 

And, that takes a sharing of heart. 

My prayer for you as you move through life is that God will bring others into your life with whom you can be personal….real….authentic and that in that sharing, you are edified, built up, encouraged and that you return the same to others. 

I pray that your personal life starts with a holiness which can only come from God…one where you have laid bare to yourself the truth of yourself.  God understands this…”If you hold up to My teaching….you will know the truth, and the truth will set you free.” 

And, your Mama has learned this….it….Truth….starts with you.  

So, I encourage you…take a Personal Inventory with yourself and your life.  Are you living in truth with yourself? With God? With others?  Or, do you live a double-life?   

We learned this semester in Dr. Strong’s class that we as individuals seek to be one with ourselves, and the more we can do that, the healthier we become.  It is called….Congruence.  It’s when the real self, the perceived self and the ideal self all come together in one.  It is never really achieved, but a goal to be strived for. 

And, I promise you this, baby….you cannot get to that place without God taking you there.  He can take you to places within your own human-ness that you have never been before…. 

If you but ask 

Ask

P is for Prudent 

Do you know what prudent means?   

Carefully considering consequences: using good judgment to consider likely consequences and act accordingly

Careful in managing resources: careful in managing resources so as to provide for the future 

Prudent, as a word, is rarely used, but it is such a good and worthy word.   

“The simple believe anything, but the prudent give thought to their steps.”  Proverbs 14:15 

The world seems to think the concept of being “prudent” is boring and dull and lifeless….that managing anything is a waste of time and energy and robs you of fun.  But, I ask you this… 

Go take an inventory of your times of prudence and think about how you feel… 

For example, * Prudence in saving money……managing money

                         * Prudence in not calling in to skip work…

                         * Prudence in spending time with good friends who uplift and support goodness

            * Prudence in letting go of things which harm you and embracing things which Bless  

Now, take time and consider those times where you were not prudent…I won’t list them here for obvious reasons, but how did those times make you feel?  I know in my own life, I am much more blessed when I have been prudent than when I have been fool-hardy. 

Prudence is not boring.  Prudence just means that you care about yourself to work toward the best for your life…and, for others.  It means that you value your time on this earth enough to want it to be quality time.  You value your time with others that you want it to be time well-spent. 

When you make poor decisions, you feel poorly.  Maybe not at first…but, eventually.

When you make wise and good decisions, you feel good.  Maybe not at first…but eventually. 

Be Prudent in your life….

You will look back and be grateful….

Prudence Protects. 

Trust Mama on this one. 

And, finally…… 

P is for Possession 

God is pretty clear…”Watch Out!  Be on your guard against all kinds of greed; Life does not consist in an abundance of possessions.”  Luke 12:15 

Possessions cannot make you happy, they do not give you peace nor do they make you feel loved. 

In fact, the older I get, the fewer possessions I want…. 

And, those few I do want are those of great value to my heart….My Daddy’s Bible, My mother’s quilt made just for me, the letters Ian writes to me, the picture of me and you and the Mother’s day notes from you children. 

And, honestly, I suspect that as I draw closer to “home”, that even those things will not be as meaningful…that eventually, all which will really matter will be possessions which are captured in my heart…

The love of my parents, husband and children.   

Wasn’t Mr. Oldach’s funeral beautiful?  And, it was not the flowers which made it beautiful, or the surrounding of the building.  It was not even the beloved family and friends who were there…. 

What made it beautiful was the truth which was spoken about him….about his life… 

And, that, more than any single possession is what I wish for you. 

I challenge you….look around yourself…your room…your car… 

Are you bogged down with material possessions?  Would you feel better…more alive…if you shed some of your physical belongings and exchanged them for heart-possessions such as teaching a child to read, holding a sick baby, visiting the sick… 

Attending a friend’s funeral, putting your arm around a woman-friend, putting your toes in the water with a friend…

Possessions are just tools God allows us to use as we enjoy our lives, to share with others, to foster opportunities to be a light…

Because, at the end of the day, you will be sans possessions…. 

So, I encourage you…think about that as you live your life…..and, keep only what you need and let go of what weighs you down. 

One thing you can count on….. 

At the end of the day, you want your greatest possession…your greatest treasure….your greatest keepsake to be…. 

A heart for HIM…. 

ILYAOYMC,

Blessings, 

Mama