When You Pray for God to Change You, Be Prepared….

            How God Made and is making me His girl…..

How many times in our lives have we been told, “watch what you pray for?”……For me, I have heard that at least one hundred times and yet, it was not until 471 days ago, today, that I have ever so profoundly understood.

When you pray, God will respond

And, while I don’t fully understand whether or not God “causes” things to happen to us or whether He just “uses” the things that happen to us for His Glory…..or, maybe a little of both….

What I do know for certain, without a doubt, with a mature clarity which comes when you pray seeking something that....

He is at the end of the answer

For years, I had prayed, “Lord, make me “your girl”.

And yet, despite my young girl’s, young adult’s and well into woman’s prayers, I did not “get it”.  I don’t know if that is because I was headstrong, arrogant, ignorant, or just without a soft heart….I don’t know if it was pride, or selfish ambition, or laziness….

Whatever the cause, I never seemed to “get to the bottom of myself and to the beginning of God”…..

It was not because I have not been knocked off my feet, for anyone who knows my life history (no different than yours) knows that I have had my brokenness…..things in my youth, things in my college days, things in my young girl life….things in my marriage, motherhood, and family relationships…

Pick one…any one of them were opportunities to draw closer to God (and, I did to some degree), to fall on my knees in prayer (and, I did to some degree), to give over my heart to God (and, I did to some degree)…..

But, it was all “to some degree”

I don’t know what made my experience 471 days ago different from any other season in my life….why now, more than ever, I understand what it means to be His

Not just when things are good, not just when life is smooth, not only when I pray and He answers in the affirmative I am seeking…

But, in all times, in all seasons, during all situations which my life has the opportunity to face….

Maybe it was in the knowing that no one on this earth had the power to make me well, except God

No one truly understood my suffering, more than God

No one was there with me as I lay night after night, day after day, wondering if I would make it to the morning, except God

No one could take my pain, my fear that I would never see normal again, other than God

No one could wipe away the tears which fell during my season of quiet desperation as I asked Him to heal me, except the One who had created me

And, it was in this understanding that I was totally at His mercy that I came to understand His grace, His compassion, and His Love…

I am starting to understand that while physically, I will never be “good as new”….. in spirit, in heart, in all things which matter, I have never been more well

While I walked that journey with a broken body, I did not walk without joy

Without faith

Without understanding and belief that, “never will I leave you, never will I forsake you”

God does not promise us a certain goodness, wellness, pureness in this life

What He promises us is that no matter what comes our way, He will never leave us

I don’t think I totally understood that, I don’t think I would have ever understood that, I don’t think I had the capacity to fully recognize that truth

Until I walked with Him in the past 471 days….

But, I do understand that now…..

As He grows me into His Girl

As He answers my young girl’s prayer to be His Girl

As He shows me that as I become more and more His Girl, He is ever and always,

My Guy

He Truly was then, is now, and will forever be…the answer to

My Prayer,

The Prayer……

The Prayer

I pray you'll be our eyes
And watch us where we go
And help us to be wise
In times when we don't know

Let this be our prayer
When we lose our way

Lead us to a place
Guide us with your Grace
To a place where we'll be safe

I pray we'll find your light
And hold it in our hearts
When stars go out each night
Let this be our prayer
When shadows fill our day
Lead us to a place
Guide us with your grace

Give us faith so we'll be safe.

We ask that life be kind
And watch us from above
We hope each soul will find
Another soul to love

Let this be our prayer
Let this be our prayer
Just like every child
Just like every child

Needs to find a place,
Guide us with your grace
Give us faith so we'll be safe

Blessings,

Lesa