October 8, 2014

 

When I wrote the words to a post (see below) after my first surgery and newfound knowledge of the problem which arose as a result of an error in my surgery, I meant them.  "Why not me?"  I wrote them because I was confident we would "nip this thing in the bud" and get on with my/our lives (for it has impacted "us").

 

Never did I realize that my journey had just started.  

 

I want to write today....and, I hope you understand my truth.

 

The words still apply today as they did then. 

Today, again, we received a new perspective for our lives.

Today, we were told, "the repair failed".  The respair surgery did not heal you.  And, it may even be a little bigger of an issue.  And, we cannot make a second repair for SIX months.  And, you will have to figure out how to live between now and then.  And, you will have even a more complicated surgery which will be even more invasive.  And, and.....and....

What I want you to know from me, from Ian, from my family.

God is healing me.  

But, just not today.

I don't say that just to you who are His followers and who know the truth of this.  I say that to all who are watching us walk this journey we don't understand.

We don't understand.

But, our faith is not one whit less today than the first writing.

And, I do not say that lightly because I asked to be healed and I now HE heard.

And, as we drove home we realized....

HE is healing me....

Just not today.

I love you all who will read this.  Please replace what might be your inclination to feel sorrow or pity with joy that in seasons like this we have one another and we have faith that God is in charge, He loves us....He will carry us through.

Love to you all,

Lesa

From a previous post:

Living at a snail's pace has become my lot in life these past three weeks, and sadly, may become my lot for another four or five.  I confess to a serious sorrow upon learning that the "boo boo" during my recent surgery will likely require a starting over with a second repair surgery and more time for recovery….

And, I ask myself daily….

Why?

But, the real question is 

Why not?

I am not a cancer patient struggling through chemo nor am I a young girl being held hostage in a foreign country.  I am not the leader of the US with a burden to grow in character nor am I a child in Mexico who is struggling to survive against a sea of troubles.  

Perspective really is everything.

 

It's tempting to feel sorry for myself…this sitting all day with little movement.  This injury from surgery which means a new surgery, new specialized surgeon and ever burdening financial set back.

But, I don't because what I realize as I sit inside my well-cooled home on my nice leather couch or my precious "Mama chair", is that I have all to be grateful for…

My parents are healthy, my siblings do well, my nieces and nephews are growing and blossoming.  My friends have gold hearts and my employers are faithfully patient.  There is a car sitting ready for me to drive if needs must and a load of books and Bible studies to occupy my mind.

My mind is free to think

The alone time I have enables me to rest

The quiet in my home is a gift to my soul

And, the evidences of love toward me from family and friends lays about our home in the form of food in our fridge, calls to my phone, flowers on our tables and cards on our mantle.

I am loved

And, that is all which matters…..

I am not good at being on the receiving end of another's blessings

But, I am learning to be…

I am not gracious when feeling down and lean toward self-preservation 

But, I am learning to open my door to those who would share their kindness with me

Even in recovery….

Even when that recovery is required twice..

There are lessons to be learned

Lessons such as appreciating the small blessings in life….the use of one's senses to take fully into myself love poured out on me and my family…

Lessons such as being gracious in receiving

And, in growing a peaceful heart in the waiting

And, in enjoying the faithful groaning of our garage door which signals the arrival of one of my precious ones….coming in from the outside world, happily hollering, "Mama, are you there?"

Yes, this recuperation time…..although not perfect…..

It is a blessing….

And, I have grown to love that door (garage door)….and to appreciate those bodies that come and go through it keeping pace with life and touching base with me…

And, to think, at one time, I had asked Ian if it could be oiled so as not to make such noise…

Noise I now value because I have a new perspective….

Blessings,

Lesa