“It often happens that we become more proud of our “stuff” than of what it took to get there – intelligence, work ethic integrity, passion, skill, and more. In so doing, we diminish who we are. We ignore our core. Try asking yourself: “who would I be if I had nothing?” Not WHAT would I be, but who.
The you who you build during your lifetime here on earth is more important than anything which you can accumulate.” ~Man’s fitness
“Who would I be if I had nothing?”….
I have not been able to get this question out of my mind since I read it over a week ago. As my family and I make beautiful, sweet, and even precious plans for this Christmas Holiday, purchasing “stuff”….I wonder..
WHO would I be if I had nothing?
I walk around my home mentally giving things away….my favorite “Mama chair”, the Thomasville bedroom suite I sold our first home to profit enough to purchase, my many delightful books, the hundreds of photos of my children, parents and family. The silver tea set from my deceased mother in law, the sapphire wedding band from my husband, the ring my Mama gave when I was thirteen. …..
What about the breast cancer pink mixer, my hundreds of journals written since I was eight? Love letters since I was twelve years old from my husband? My computer with which I use to write this very blog? My professional grade Canon camera with which I use to storybook my life.
Is it wrong to accumulate these things?
I don’t think so. In fact, I believe they are blessings from God given to us to shine His light in powerful ways while we live here on this earth..they are life’s tools.
BUT……
Who would I be if I had none of these things?
Would I have any value without my pink blow dryer, make-up table made for me by my Daddy, hand crafted gifs of art from my children?
Hard to imagine me…standing…alone…naked with nothing.
But, I had better try.
For one day, I will do just that very thing.
Stand.
Alone.
Naked.
As I came from my mother’s womb…naked.
Me, my life’s behavior, my decisions, my wise choices, my foolish decisions.
My Mama told me just yesterday that she loved getting old (she is 73). She loves it because life becomes more clear. What is important becomes more clear.
As in crystal clear.
As in “through the eyes of Christ clear”
And, she says, in her wisdom earned by forging life for 26,842 days, 73 years, 5 months and 26 days that it is who you are at the “end of the day” which really matters. That person you wake up with and go to sleep with. That person who is the same on the inside as she/he is on the outside.
That person who resides inside you in a place no one else can hurt, harm or injure. That person who has hope and faith and joy regardless of her circumstances.
She said that when she looks back over her life she realizes how foolish she was…how judgmental, how pious and how unbending. She regrets missed opportunities to just LOVE.
Now, if ever there was an angel on earth, it has to be my mother.
So, her words were quite shocking to me.
From my eyes…my raising….my vantage point, my mother has always been a kind, compassionate and loving Mama. Giving to the point of sacrifice, generous to the point of bankruptcy, encouraging to the point of a OSU cheerleader.
My Mama was and has been a steady rock for me during my life.
A Godly woman. A Christ follower. A warrior for her children. A committed wife.
And, she’s telling me that she has much work to do on her personhood???
Then, I had better get started looking at my own life…and, I do. And, I am.
And, in that looking, I agree with my Mama….I have been likewise many things which I no longer want to be…things I want to shed…to change.
And, I, like my Mama want to grow in ways which are Godly, truthful, solid and kind.
I am grateful for a Mama (and Daddy for that matter) how as they grow closer to the day they will stand naked before our God are sharing with us children what their life’s wisdom is teaching us.
Things do not matter.
No matter how sweet, how beautiful, how precious…things are things…they do not matter.
But, WHO we are on a daily bases does matter.
Even more comforting to me are my Daddy’s words…..”Sis, draw that line from your past mistakes through today….draw is straight and thick….and, start this day afresh. Pray for forgiveness for things on the backside of the line and then let them Go….God remembers them no more…as far as the East is from the West…they are gone. Then, walk OVER than line into this moment and strive every day to become the woman God intended you to be…every day…journey as if your life depends on your every action, move, word, act of kindness…not that you can “earn” anything with your living, but that you can emulate Christ’s love and compassion by your living.”
I cherish those wise words. I cherish them because they are grounded in truth. Truth which comes from the only one who matters…GOD…through the heart of my Daddy.
So, I ask myself…WHO would I be if I had nothing?
Not even clothes on my back.
When I stand alone…just Lesa…and God.
I cannot answer that question…for, in my humanity, I don’t always see myself in my best light.
But, what I can do is work on who I want to be…deep in the inner most depths of my heart…
When I am alone with myself…when I am with my children…when I am in the presence of my parents, siblings and friends…
So, I have started a list…
At the end of my days…I want to be….
· God’s girl…unabashedly committed to Him first and foremost
· Ian’s loving and faithful wife, a fine help-meet and true friend
· Madison, Kenton and Johnson’s worthy mother, solid rock, and Godly example
· My sibling’s humble and kind sister who delights in their friendships
· My friends loyal and faithful partner through this journey of life
· My employers trusted staff
· God’s forgiven child
· A servant to others who God calls me to help
· A humble heart who God calls to daily remember His tender mercies on my life
· A giver
· A forgiver, being patient
· An encourager to others…
· A willing student learning from those God puts into my path to teach me
· A joyful heart…life is tough, but God calls us to joyfulness through our pain because of faith
The author of the article I read spurring my musings along in this blog asks…”if you had nothing…nothing…would you still like you?”
There have been times, and I am sure there will again when my answer would be a resounding “NO”!
But, that was when I had given up hope, had let those other than God define me..
And, that is not good.
For God is love….He does not expect us to be perfect.
He expects us to be trying. With all of our hearts trying.
From the inner-most places in our soul trying.
As if our life depends on it.
Because it does.
He does not call us to have it all together all the time in all ways.
He expects us to be seeking His will for our lives.
He does not ignore our sin through His grace. He does not excuse or hide our sinfulness.
But, what he does is more precious..
He forgives us when we seek His forgiveness…
And, in that forgiveness, he empowers us to be the best “us” we can be.
So, that at the end of the day when we stand naked before Him,
He knows our story, our struggles, our sin our pain…
And, Jesus relays that to our God, not as a commentary in a news writing,
But as a brother who loves us…
And knowing this, it draws my heart to want to live the balance of my days with an eye toward heaven, toward that story-telling of my life…so, that when my time comes, HE has something worthy to share…that my heart has been a seeker….
Of God’s will for my life…
So, that while I may not always like myself,
Jesus will be able to see in me things which are humbly valuable….a heart which has sought God.
Blessings on your day,
Lesa
