Meeting My Goal is not Without It’s
Price
When I turned fifty last March, I set a
goal for myself. I wanted to be as physically
fit as I could be by my next birthday of fifty-one. I thought it to be a lofty goal, and it has
proven to be thus. But, never did I imagine
the price it would cost me if I truly want to succeed in fulfilling it.
Having spent the first 28 years of my
life extremely healthy, lean and exercise committed, I enjoyed a health which
seemed natural to my body. A lean 99
lbs. on my 5’2” frame was actually fairly simple to enjoy and I remained that
weight successfully from around 18 until I gave birth to my first child at
28. I distinctly remembering my Ob/GYN
telling me that I would need to gain weight to give my baby food stores to live
on during pregnancy and so, you guessed it, eating became my goal. I did pretty well until month 7 when I became
toxemic and gained 35lbs in 2 months.
And, as you can also guess, that weight did not come off easily post
birth of my daughter. I never did get
back to my lean weight again. My
mistake. The next five years included a
history of attempting to get pregnant again through many different avenues, all
of which sabotaged my ability to lose weight and my desire to fight the fight
to regain health. It did, however,
present me with a “deposit in heaven” for which I am ever so grateful (baby
Joseph) and a set of twins to capture my heart and add to my precious daughter.
I say all of that to say this. Never once during this season of my life did
I give serious thought to the depths of “un health” I was allowing my body to “un-achieve”. Sure, I knew I was not as lean and healthy as
I used to be, but I was in denial of how seriously unhealthy I was allowing my
overall health to decline.
I regret this.
Because now, at 50, it is no simple feat
to regain the health I once had. In
fact, I am coming to realize, I cannot regain that same health in the same
way.
So, I am learning to set new goals more
realistic to my current age and mind-set.
I am learning the meaning of terms like lactic
acidosis, muscle fatigue and cardio health.
I am learning these things because I have to go through them if I want
to regain a healthy weight and health for my current body.
I am being reminded that if I ingest
unhealthy foods into my body, there will be unhealthy consequences to my body
later. I am learning that if I “splurge”
on things I once held dear (such as my beloved tea and chocolate), that I will
feel the pain of ridding myself of that in my next workout which will hinder my
ultimate goal of personal health.
I am learning.
I am learning.
I am re-learning.
There are not a lot of “new” things I am
learning. But, there are many renewed
lessons of which I am being reminded as I head back to good health.
Perhaps the greatest lesson is this…
“You must find it in your heart to love
yourself before you can find yourself worthy of investing in”
I have come to understand that this is
no smallish lesson…It is almost as if we think the more we sacrifice our
personal selves at the altar of “wife-ing”, childrearing, working,
volunteering, the better the person/wife/mom/employee/volunteer we will
be. When, in actuality, it is the
opposite of that which is true.
The Bible speaks of so many instances of
caring for ourselves….caring for our bodies, our temples, our souls, and even
protecting our hearts.
There is a reason for that…
You cannot realistically care for and
serve others, as God would also call us to do, if you are unable to care for
yourself. It is as if you must
role-model to yourself what you must live like so you can share with
others. Sure, you can do many things short-term….and,
you will. But, in the marathon of this
life, if you hope to achieve anything long-term, you have to start with
yourself and your own personal health – physically, emotionally, spiritually.
So, having spent some time re-learning
to prioritize my personal self in a humble
and realistic way, I am learning how to regain my physical health in a
practical and meaningful way.
It is not easy. In fact, coming back into good overall health
is probably one of the most difficult things I have ever had to do. And, I have just started. I still have a long journey to go….
But, this time is different.
There is a strength of mind-set in a
person when he/she knows that change will not occur unless and until you give
over your thoughts to the only one who can ultimate bring about real change in
your life.
I prayed hard for God to provide a “paradigm
shift” (old term, but still works) in my life to bring me to a season of mental
strength, physical health, emotional well-being and spiritual maturity. I still pray that prayer…”God heal and
strengthen me so that I may serve you in healthy and realistic ways”. Help eliminate those things in my life which
will hinder me from my path to you and help me add those things which will
bring about a healthy me who is better prepared to serve you.”
And, He has.
And, He is.
Perhaps the most important lesson I have
re-learned is this….if I prioritize my spiritual health, my time with Him, my
commitment to His will for my life. If I
exercise my Bible study reps, my prayer Zumba, my worship BMI and my service
kettle bells, then, maybe I will grow in a strength which enables all other
areas of my body to become stronger, more powerful, more healthy.
More able to endure.
But, not just to endure. But, to thrive.
But, it comes with a price.
Health, in any form, will not alight
itself on my personhood without my seeking it.
It will not come to pass in my life without my personal hard work. It will not continue unless I commit…
And, commit.
And, commit.
And, re-commit.
And, so……I will. And, I do.
Blessings,
Lesa
