When We Give God Control….

I am, well….used to be a “problem fixer”.  Even as a little girl, I could not stand anyone to be upset. Whether they were mad, sad, angry or hurt, if someone was any of those things, I wanted to “fix” it…help them….make them smile.

As a young wife, I could not stand the thought of my husband ever being “out of sorts” in any way and would go to great lengths to right his life, no matter what the cost.  As a young mother, I sacrificed much for the “betterment of my children”, even to a fault, even to the point of spoiling them.

I had great fear.  Many fears.  Deep fears which caused me to think this way. 

I don’t totally understand why I was this way….some people like turmoil in their life.  I do not.  Rather than knowing “when to hold them, or when to fold them”, I would hang in there trying my darndest to “make it right”, to keep the peace. 

In my mind, if someone was upset, then it had to be my fault in some way….I have no clue where that thought came from, but I am beginning to…. 

A friend of mine has written a book, “No More Christian Nice Girl” which addresses just this issue.  I think we somehow believe that to be a good, Christian woman, we are to sacrifice our souls at the altar of self.   

The bad news for me was, that because I could never solve everyone’s problems, make everyone better, take away another’s pain, that I felt like I lived in constant failure.

A person cannot live and thrive in a state of constant failure…. 

A person dies in constant failure. 

Or, they take other paths…..distancing themselves, becoming mean so as to shelter their soul, living in a state of fake-ness with a pasted on smile and a “having the time of my life” attitude. 

But, this is not a way to live. 

And, it is not a Godly way to be. 

God calls us to live authentically….as Christ did.

God calls us to live in truth…because the truth shall set you free.

God calls us to live in service…because by serving, you grow personally. 

I have learned that God does not call me, nor do I have the ability or maturity to fix the problems of those around me.  But, I can and do have the responsibility to not be a part of the problem.  This is not as easy as it may sound.  Sometimes, we are a problem to others even though in our own hearts, we don’t mean to be or even know we are or how we got there.  Some relationships we just cannot fix.   

This is painful knowledge.   

This is the beginning of surrendering our lives to God, who CAN fix. 

And, I am growing in my realization that this is what God requires of us.  A wholly, fully giving over all aspects of our lives to HIM.   When we truly give over our lives to God, we fully can give over the hurts in our lives.  I am learning that the more I surrender my life..in big and small things to Him…the more I can surrender my soul to Him.

God is a God of freedom….and peace….and joy….and love.

We cannot have those things if we rely on ourselves or on human-kind.  It takes a Holiness of spirit which only God can provide. 

Only God can heal the blind, give hearing to the deaf and cause the cripple to walk….only God can mend a broken heart, heal a failed friendship, bind together a broken union.

What I do think it requires of us is a desiring heart….the more we give over our lives to Him, our hopes, our fears, our anxieties, our heartaches and ASK Him to help us….to heal us…to change us…the more He is able to do with us.

When we give over our lives to HIM, he works in us to strengthen us within ourselves.  The stronger we are ourselves, the more we can shine for Him.  The more we shine for Him, the stronger becomes our faith in Him.  The stronger our faith in Him, the more we surrender our lives to Him.

At fifty, I understand one thing very clearly….

Without God, I am nothing.  

WITH God, I am everything.   

It took me all these years to be able to say those words which I used to think were arrogantly pious…

WITH GOD I am everything….. 

“I can do all things through Christ who strengthens me.”  Philippians 4:13

 And, while I still may not be able to “fix” things, solve the world’s problems, change a person’s heart, or mend things broken…. 

HE can.

What a gift in storing that knowledge in my heart….I don’t have to take on things I cannot control. 

God already has control. 

And, He already claims me as worthy. 

I can let go….and, walk…..toward Him constantly giving over to Him my life…and, He, in His great compassion and love, will make use of my life in a way which gives it fullness and meaning if I but seek Him with all of my heart.

That is His price….seeking Him with all of my heart…. 

That, I can do…. 

Blessings,

Lesa

If It’s Monday, It’s Mama… 

Thanks for coming home this weekend.  It was fun to spend time with you…take in a movie and generally be in your presence.  The tinkling of your laughter fills up our home when you are there….and, it brings smiles to our faces.

There are a few things I am grateful for this week with regards to you… 

One, you are working on being your “best you”.  I know you are not in love with that saying, but I am not sure how else to put it.  You are striving to grow in all ways…and, we can tell.   

You are working to be a Godly woman thus the Bible study, scripture search, worship and music you listen to.

You are working to be a good daughter, thus the acknowledgement…well somewhat acknowledgement of when you need to do things differently in order to be respectful.  Your willingness to make things right.  Your doing things honorably up front.

You are working to be a good sister, thus the conversations with your brothers.  You encourage them to think through their actions, make good decisions and wise choices.  I am humbled that you even are willing to share in your own mistakes.  God loves a humble heart and rewards integrity and honesty.

You are working to be a good student, thus the may hours of study for just one test.  The commitment to getting help when you need it.  The understanding that this IS important.

You are working to be a good friend, thus the attempt to continually support and encourage your friends, to be there in good times and bad.

You are working to be a good future wife, mother, daughter in law, thus the efforts to do all of the above… 

You are striving to be a wonderful Child of HIS…..giving over and over again your life to God.  I watch…I see your struggles with eyes and heart that only your God-given mother can see…and I am so humbled….so grateful…..that you are my daughter.  I see your strength as you pull from God’s love for you….

All God really wants is what you are striving to give….your whole heart….your love….

 All God asks is that we not grow weary….keep the faith….seek Him first.

 If I can see you doing these things…..

I can only imagine what beautiful treasures He sees in you….He who knit you so beautifully.

I love you….as only your Mama can….

Mama…

 

Of Special Note on this anniversary of Beth Morris’ birthday….I have to add this because I know if Beth were here, she would insist….I sincerely think Beth would be proud of her name-sake.  You have so many traits in common…your simple way of looking at things, your compassion for others, your boy-craziness (lol), your tender heart.  Beth, too, loved children and wanted a passel.  She loved pretty nails and colorful things.  Her prom dress was like a bouquet of flowers.  She laughed so hard she snorted just like you do.  But, most importantly…she loved.  She loved hard….she loved true.  She loved God….and she loved others.  And, while I don’t think I have ever shared your similarities too often before, because I wanted you to be you, not an image of Beth, as I watch you grow and mature, I see a lot of her in you….and, I know….she would be proud of you…and, she would remind you, “it’ll be alright”….and, to “turn that frown upside down…into a smile”.   She would adore you….as do I.