The Lessons I Have Learned....from God through Another....

The Lessons I have Learned....and been reminded of....from God through Another….

 “I am nothing special; just a common woman with common thoughts, and I’ve led a common life.  There are no monuments dedicated to me and my name will soon be forgotten.  But in one respect I have succeeded as gloriously as anyone who's ever lived: I've loved another with all my heart and soul; and to me, this has always been enough.” (The Notebook, modified)

Writing for me is not easy.  It is not easy because I have been so humbled in my life that I am not sure anything I have to write has value to anyone but me.  I am not the role-model that I would point to my children and say, “go follow them”.  I am not the perfect Godly woman, wife, mother, daughter, sister, Aunt that deserves much attention.  In fact, I quite possibly may be the opposite.  For all that I am sure of about myself is that I am a lowly sinner saved by Grace.  And, that the Grace-giver’s grace is sufficient to save even a wretch like me.

Funny, that I didn’t always know that about myself.  In God’s infinite mercy, He spared me from looking into the mirror too closely.  And, for that, I am grateful.

For, when you look into the mirror and see yourself in truth…real truth…His truth….

It is painful.

And I think, so painful as to bring you unto death…except for the sweetest, kindest, gentlest love of a Father who loves you so much, values you so much, treasures you so much that He brings to your view His image of your worth…your value….your purpose.

He takes his Heavenly Mirror all tall and straight and full-lengthed and places it in front of you all right and proper…and Holy.

He stands you there all uncovered and bare and still.

And, He witnesses to you all truth…

“I love you so much….you are so worthy….you have great value….you are My great treasure.  You are beautiful…you are lovely….you are Mine”

And, as He pulls you up close unto the mirror of His truth about you and your life….His hands on your shoulder, His eyes all warm and kind and forgiving….

He shows you what He sees….

Right deep down into your soul where heaven meets earthly hope…

That somewhere, somehow, some way, there is worth in you.

And, sometimes….he uses other ways to show this truth….through His word….you can read all about his love and mercies which He makes new every morning.

And, sometimes, he uses people such as precious Godly parents, or precious seeking children.

And, often he will use your mate….your help-meet, your best friend, your soul-journeyer….

And, for me he has so done….

I have known Ian since I was four years old and he nine.  I can’t say I rightly remember him way back then, but I can say that by around six or seven he did come into my life in a way I never forgot.

At a church “potluck” when I was about six or seven (Ian eleven or twelve), I was unable to get myself going on a swing.  Ian pushed me from behind and got me started….it was my first memory of him…..and, it was first evidence to me of his kind and loving heart.

Our lives touched paths again and again…at 13 he was my first “date”; at 16, he was my first “car date”; at 18, he was the first to ask me to wed and to teach me to treasure my heart and keep it safe for God.

Our paths once again crossed at a season in my life where only by the grace of God was I able to stand.  The mirror in which I viewed  myself had long been clouded with things negative, words hurtful and view ugly.  I no longer felt God’s hand on my shoulder as I stood before it.

And, while I have only one Savior….

I do believe that God used Ian as a human vessel to remind me that in this sea of life, when others would portray you as otherwise, God would see you as worthy.

There are  many things Ian, not necessarily having taught me, but most-definitely has reminded me of…

1) Keep God in your Center – In all of your centers.  Keep God in the center of your personal life, in your family’s life, in your church life, in your friendship life, in your daily life.  When you keep God as your center and your true North, all other aspects of your life flow in union with the only one who can make a true difference….who can set footers to the foundation of your personhood.

2) Stay in the Word – Only through the words of God are we able to have clear definition of how to live our lives.  There is no other way.  There is no other option.  All other words are of little use if you do not stay in The Word.

3) Stay on your knees (in prayer) – Begin your morning, settle into your afternoon and end your day in long talks with God while on your knees.  Your knees should be so warn from use that they would give out long before your time here is over, except for the grace of God.

4) Love yourself – Only when we love ourselves as Christ loves us are we able to see our great worth to Him.  In seeing ourselves as God would, we are filled with love overflowing which we are to share with others. 

5) Be humble in all things – What good is a life when you believe your way is the way; your thoughts are all accurate; your decisions are right….only God is the perfector and all others are but humble beings trying to touch the hem of his garment for peace.  Christ role-modeled the ultimate humility by dying for us…the ultimate act of being humble.  Should we not follow suit?

6) See the Good in Others – Sometimes, God uses us as His vessel for reaching out to our fellow man…sometimes, our view of a person can make all the difference.  Be positive.  Seek out the spirit of Christ in all others.  Work hard to view another as if they were a great treasure of the Lord…for they are.  He lives to save every single one.

7) Know God and His priorities – This is a hard one for us.  Commit to finding out what God wants you to do with your life and be brave enough to do it!  Does he call you to be a stay at home mom?  Should you become missionaries in Africa?  Is that Bible class one you should take?  Do you say no to that request so you can take care of your family?  sin will pull us into it’s web of over commitment, over involvement, overindulgence because it has a strong grasp.  Pray for His direction and follow.

8) Forgive – Forgive yourself, forgive others.  Christ’s death on the cross broke down all barriers enabling all sinners to have salvation through Him.  If God can sacrifice His Son on the cross and forgive us for placing Him there, who are we to hold back our forgiveness?  My sister Tashula added to Ian’s lesson to me on this subject….she said, “Lesa, I am not worth dirt if not for the forgiveness of God.”  “There is nothing, nothing which cannot be forgiven and nothing which should not be forgiven to a truly repentant heart.”  Who are we to forgive or not? It is for God to do.

9) Judge not – I have learned one thing these past five years which I pray never to forget.  What my eyes see and my ears hear on the outside, is not necessarily what truth is on the inside.  There is no need to judge another’s life because I know not the other’s heart and truth.

10) Love – God is love.  God calls us to love.  God chose love.  God demands love.  When I die and stand before Him, nothing else will matter in my life, not only here on earth but there with Him, except that He Loves Me.  He sees me as worthy….

As His.

As His Beloved.

As His much loved.

And, for that, I am eternally grateful.

To God, for choosing to feel that way about me….weak that I am…unworthy that I will always be.

And, I am grateful for those He has placed into my life to remind me of those basic truths….

To Ian….who God has used so tenderly and humbly to remind me that

I have value to the only One who truly matters…

GOD.

And, while I remain a common woman, with common thoughts….

Nothing about God’s love for me is common.

Nothing about God’s love for you is common.

Thank-you, Ian for reminding me.

Blessings,

Lesa

Love...is more than just letters scribbled in black and white

Lesa,

"I have stood on the rocky shore of Main to the black sand beaches of Hawaii.  From the golden sand beaches here in Florida to the Continental Divide in the Rocky Mountains, to the wilderness of Canada to the son baked sands of New Mexico.  From the delivery room watching my son be born to the foot of the grave watching them lower my Mom and Dad into the ground.  All of these places and times, I’ve always known something was missing in my life….It’s not missing any more.

Lesa

I know what hate is and I know what true love is.

I know what it is to be empty of God, and I know what it is to have my cup overflow.

I know how to work hard, and I know how to play hard.

I know what cheap is and I know what is more precious and valuable than gold, silver, and the human voice can express (touching your chest above your heart).

I know how to build a wall around my heart to protect me, and I know how to give my heart completely with no strings attached.

I know how to dream a goal and work as hard as I can to make it happen.

I know how to love someone so much to be able to say “if it is important to you, it is important to me.”

I know how to love someone so much to water, nourish and cultivate them so they become the most beautiful flower in the garden.

I know what it is to dream of something for a lifetime and not know if it would ever happen, and then see that dream come to this very moment we have right now…"

Ian

Such sweet words, Ian....how very precious are they to my heart.  But, they are more than just letters scribbled in black and white...you take them and bring them to life in the very tender and sweet way you treat me on a daily basis.  You have taught me many things in my fifty years...but, the greatest of these is love....

I love you...forever and one day.

Lesa

Little Acts of Kindness Linger After You're Gone.....

Little Acts of Kindness which Linger After You’re Gone

Little did I know the value of three simple, white stones when Kathy Garriott laid them on my desk on May 7, 2008.    Kathy was a gift-giver in very sweet and precious ways….she gave as one would who knew their giving time was short.  And, her’s was….and, the gifts she gave to me are ones which changed me forever…..and for the better.

Over the years, Kathy and her mother, Nancy have given me very lovely earthly gifts….trips together to Cincy and Louisville to see works of art called “The Phantom of the Opera”, “The Ballet”, fine dining, free-spirited laughter and precious friendship.

Kathy personally has blessed me with UK blue earrings from trips to Boston and bottles of wine from a local vineyard.  Upon learning that I really didn’t drink, she returned the bottle of wine and purchased me a very lovely gift in its stead.  In so doing, she gave me the gift of honor.

Kathy gave me the gift of her listening and her time.  During the brief six years we knew each other, Kathy went through many journeys with me….being a new employee, being one of two non-family members in a family run business, breast cancer, divorce, child-rearing matters and moments of confidential confidences which I am certain she took with her when she left us.

It was a daily thing for me to sit in the chair at the front of her office while she sat at her desk to talk “life”…..I still go in her office on occasion and sit there and if I am still, I believe her laughter really is what I hear.

Kathy asked me to “house sit” for her on several occasions, which now, as I look back on those times, realize she was providing me a place for peace and solitude during a very hard season in my life.  House sitting for Kathy was a true experience of Tuscan living….her home is a masterpiece of loveliness, beautiful things and warm rays of love.  I will always cherish those days my children and I “house sat” for Kathy enjoying the sunrises and sunsets each evening.  And, we were safe at Kathy’s house….a true gift.

In fact, I always felt safe with Kathy.  Safe in sharing my joys and just as safe in sharing my sorrows.  Safe in sharing my accomplishments without her thinking I was a braggart and safe in sharing my sins without her thinking I was a doomed sinner.

Kathy did not have a high opinion of people who called themselves “Christians” preferring instead those who chose to live as Christ.  She said to me very shortly after we met that Christians were some of the worst people she knew…judging rather than loving, condemning rather than forgiving.  She very bluntly let me know that my faith was something I would need to “be” and “live” and “do” if I wanted her to believe that I was sincere.  She had reasons for her belief and challenged my thinking at every turn of my life in ways no other person has ever done.

And, I miss her so much.

And, I miss so many things about her…

Her wit was sharp and quick and striking.  Her laughter was sweet, and tenacious and infectious.  She was humble yet proud.  She was kind yet discerning.  She was silly yet mature.

Kathy challenged everything about my personhood…which is what true friends, “Velveteen Rabbit” kinds of friends do.  She taught me to be real and honest and truthful.  She taught me how to cry, to weep and to mourn in ways no other person had ever taught me.

She taught me that it was okay to have “pity parties” as long as they only lasted one day and then you got on with your life.  And, when I would give into the need for such a party, if it lasted too long, she would tell me to buck up and get moving.

When I told her about my false white-picket-fence home life, she said, change it.

When I told her about my marriage illness, she told me to fight to heal it.

When I shared that my marriage might not survive, she told me to fight like hell to save it and if I couldn’t to fight like hell to let it go.

Kathy was the very first person to know that I had to go back for a re-check of my breast when I was being diagnosed with breast cancer.  I still have her e-mail…

“Kid…it’s going to be okay.  It’s going to be okay because it has to be.  You have children depending on you.  Go pamper yourself, be kind and tender with yourself, go have a pity party for the day and then buckle up for the ride of your life and get on with your life.”

Kathy was  with me when my primary doctor confirmed my cancer diagnosis.  Kathy held me as I wept for who I had been “bbc” (before breast cancer) and she gave me confidence that I would survive “PBC” (post-breast cancer).

She held my hand, kicked my butt, talked to me firmly and cried with me.  She told me dirty jokes and silly tales and let me in on her own fears and worries and cancer thoughts from her personal experience.

She convinced me that I could do this cancer thing….

And, she was right.

Because cancer is a “thing” and all you can do is the best you can do with what you have to “do” it with.

Kathy and I had cancer together with one difference.

I am here.

She is gone.

She told me before she died not to be upset too much when I survived and she did not.  What a precious gift….to know that I would have guilt and to address that head on. 

In January 2007, Kathy was diagnosed with breast cancer….then lung cancer…then all over her body cancer.  Cancer ate up everything in its path on Kathy’s body

But it lost the battle to destroying her heart.

Until the very last, Kathy’s spirit fought valiantly and positively and with her whole heart.  She outwardly refused to “get into the boat” of acceptance until that time where she had to “get into the boat” of acceptance.  And, all the time in-between, she fought the good fight….nobly….proudly….and serenely.

I watched her as she journeyed from initial diagnosis to final rest.

Etched on my heart forever is the day I walked past her office and saw her waif-like frame, pinkish white scalp leaning into the sunlight streaming across her desk.  Many was the time when I saw her lift accepting eyes and dainty nose to soak up the day’s rays of golden peace.

On an occasion or two, I even saw her let smallish tears trickle down her cheeks…and, once was privileged to wipe them away with fresh tissue….no words spoken.  None needed.

Times together in her office became me sitting in my chair and hers sitting in hers saying nothing….tears pressing hard against our eyelids….

Peace was in that room….and gentleness…and kindness….and sweetness.  And, even today, when I cross paths with her office, I still feel her presence….

When I finished my own breast cancer treatments, which fortunately for me, were simple and few, Kathy graced my desk with an exceptionally lovely bouquet of flowers and a small, blue bag filled with stones.

I remember well….stretching open the small sack as she said….”These are your touchstones to add to your faith walk….to buoy you and to remind you that this, too, shall pass….we have no promises of longevity of life…but, we can promise ourselves how we shall make the journey.”

Kathy explained that she had many, many stones to choses from, but that the three she selected were what she thought might help me most…

Faith

Harmony

Serenity

And, they did.

I have touched and held and cradled these stones many times during my walk.  I have glanced across my desk to where they lay and smiled.  On a particularly challenging day, I have prayed for these things…faith, harmony and serenity.

And, as certain as I can be of anything earthly, I know that Kathy’s gift of these stones has made my own steps on the stones of my life more serene…more harmonious…more  faithful.

 Such smallish reminders to me of what a gift is this life….what a gift is our friendships….

What a gift is our bond.

And, what a gift it was to have my brief time with Kathy.

 Blessings,

Lesa

Kathryn Venice Phares Garriott  July 11, 1954 – December 16, 2010