It's all about the hugs, 'bout the hugs...no worries....

It's All About That Hug, 'bout that Hug....

No worries......


I am convinced that there is nothing in this life like a hug....and, fortunately, we are a hugging family.....

 

When Someone Tells Us Something, We Can Choose to Believe.....

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

I remember sitting in the pew of a much beloved church listening to a young preacher say to his audience, “it is sometimes hard to believe the truth when we are presented with it.”  He was speaking of the life of Christ and how people today find it hard to believe that He is not a myth, a fable, a story from ancient times.  He explained that “because we did not did not see Jesus, because we do not see Jesus, because we cannot touch his body or look into His gaze, our humanity finds it hard to believe.”

That is true of Christ

That can also be true of us

So often, truth tellers are seen as rocking the boat, sinking the ship, stirring the pot…because many times, truth brings with it a multitude of other thoughts, emotions, actions, feelings which are not comfortable….truth can be messy

But, there is a reason that we are taught to tell the truth….

Because it sets you free….

And, until you are free within truth, you are captured in this world

And, when you are captured in this world, you are in no way ready for the next one…

I believe this with all of my heart and it has come at great cost to me personally

When you lay bare the ugliness of yourself, your heart, your spirit and your past, there are those who would turn away from you, your ugliness….

When, in your heart you are coming clean so that you may be washed whiter than snow in Jesus, there will be a bucket of dirty water left behind as evidence that you were….are….not pristine white as God would have you to be…

But, isn’t that the purpose of it all?

To lay bare your soul so He can cover you in light? And truth?

I would not have it any other way having walked through the fire of truth…it is a never ending journey and one which will remain a part of my life all of my days….

The good thing about the truth is that it remains the truth whether anyone else believes you or not…

Truth will stand when the world burns down….like a pillar reaching heavenward, and I want to be on the side of it even when it is uncomfortable

I want to role model that for my children

I want my husband to find comfort in it

I want to humbly walk toward it…truth…each and every day of my life

My daughter said just this week, “Mama, they don’t’ believe you are telling the truth.  They don’t believe I am telling the truth.  If they believed, they would not keep asking.”

Why, when someone tells us something, do we find is simpler to dis-believe?

In my personal experience, those times I dis-believed was most often when I personally was un-believable….and, the more I am believable, the more likely I am to believe another person….

In one of my very first clinical mental health counseling classes, the professor said that so much mental illness comes from an individual who has not been allowed to express their truth because they feared they would be rejected and/or abandoned for their truth.

She challenged us that if we sit in our counseling chairs making judgments in our heads as our client’s pour out their lives to us, we were not in the right profession.  And, she asked us to get out of it.

She said chose to believe what your client tells you.  Encourage them to walk in truth with you as you walk with them to wellness.  If there is any un-truth in their story, it will come out on the journey and they will be able to put it to rest as they walk to wholeness.  And, if there is truth in what they share, you have blessed them with your belief in them.

I like that

I think of that often as I live with my husband and my children

And, I want to be that for them

I want them to see that I choose to trust in God carefully and on purpose

And, in truth

Because, in truth….it is a choice I make

I choose to believe….

 

Blessings,

Lesa

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

Christmas 2014

"I'll Be Home For Christmas"

I feel like I should credit my copy-cat off a much admired young Mama-friend of mine and state that the blogs I plan to write this 2015 season will be “about the Young-McKenzie’s, for the Young-McKenzie’s, to the Young-McKenzie’s” because I am going to try to spend time this year chronicling our 2015.

 I do this on Facebook because I use this site to capture family moments (and blogs) and put them in book format at the end of the year.  I don’t know if my children will ever read them (my daughter will), but I write them anyway…one of my legacies to them.

This year’s Christmas was an especially meaning one for me because this was the year I released with my blessing, each my three adult children to spend Christmas Eve and Christmas day with me or to do other things they might want to do.  In keeping with my family’s theme to “surrender” all things to God, it included respecting their adult-hood and their right to decide.  

They are the children of divorced parents who “take turns” hosting Christmas for their children every other year.  This year was “mine”.  But, I wrapped up my “turn” in a letter with a bow and gave each child the freedom to go where they would like to go.  It was not easy, because I am a mother who loves the presence of her children.  But, sometimes, you have to let go of your children and pray they find their way back to you.  And, my prayer is to be the kind of mother with whom my children will want to spend time.

It is a blessing to me beyond measure that they each, on their own, chose to spend the holiday as a family with me and their Ladder Dad and then with my family in another town.  No other gift could compare and it is one which I will always treasure.

Not only were we able to spend time together, but our time together embraced all of us in a big, warm blanket of a hug.  We laughed, played cards, ate dinner, watched TV, opened gifts and laughed some more.  Christmas Eve night lit up my heart like the twinkle lights on our tree with joy and thanksgiving and love.  

Christmas Eve evening, after each child had surrendered their souls to bed (in expectation of Santa, I am sure), it was a tender mother moment I had as I walked into each room and prayed over that child.  First, Kenton, who breathes so quietly that I have to lean close to hear him.  He sleeps hard and does not even realize I am in the room.  Then on to Madison, who has a little snuggle to her breathing which I can hear the moment I enter her room.  I tread lightly because, she is a light sleeper (unless dog tired), and I can smell the faint sweetness of her perfume as I pray over her.  Then onto the last room, Johnson’s room, in which he has his military gear all lined up like soldiers against his wall.  His room is chilled and cool and he has an abundance of covers which I go to and move to better cover him.  The tears fall as I look upon this soldier-son who just a few days ago was an infant I rocked in my Mama chair.

There is no greater gift outside of salvation than my husband and my children…and, my husband’s children.

I totally understand that I totally do not understand the fullness of God’s love….because I know my own love for my own children grows dramatically, deeply and fully with each passing day and yet, God's love for us is even greater.

I love them.  But, I also know they are on loan from God….and, so, I cherish the moments, be they great or small….

Each is a gift…and, each put the “Merry” in our Christmas of 2014.

Christmas didn't "officially" start at our home until Kenton made his way from Tech Training to 112 Gatewood.  All of us made the trek to the airport to pick up our Airman!!

  

Everything felt more precious this Christmas and family time meant even more.  This year, the boys had been to Lackland Air Force Base for eight grueling weeks of Basic Military Training (BMT), Madison had kept working full time at ESH while taking a full load of undergraduate studies at EKU.  I had three surgeries in 68 days and spent much of the Summer/Fall recovering and Ian was the glue which held us all together.  Time was spent letter writing our Airmen and cherishing the letters we received from them.

So, this time together around the holiday was especially magical!

After Christmas at our home, we traveled West, to go to Grammy and Poppy's house where more frolicing and fun was sure to occur!

Our Christmases are made complete with Uncle "Boots" Bruce leading the crew in a few good seasons of "Big Booty", a tradition our family has grown to love being passed down from the Roberts side of the family.  

 

Grammy and Madison getting in on a new kind of fun "Helium Balloon" singing......(you have to be there to fully understand), but it's a good thing when a Grammy and Granddaughter can laugh together.

 

Fun was had by all....and, we were blessed to have all attend except for my older brother and family, who were missed but were soaking up some sun!

Praying over the meal, laughing, opening gifts, Big Booty, sharing time together...it's all good....but,

The real reason for the season, the meaning of it truly comes from remembering the One who made it all possible.  The one who was born in a manger....who gave us the greatest gift of all gifts...

Jesus....

ILY2

Almost without fail, every evening either I am sending or I am receiving from my boys (my daughter, too, when she is away from home as her brothers are now), a text with this message to me.

Three simple letters….one number

But, the impact they have on this Mama’s life, heart, spirit, is profound

 

It’s profound, because I am unworthy

And, I am sure that I am not the only Mama who feels that way

Children have a way of crawling into the lap of our soul and finding the very weakness, sin, brokenness and flaws we have.

And, I have many.

I know this to be truth not only because others find peace in reminding me of this truth, but also, because I live within my own ability to tell myself the truth.

But, for some reason, I even at this minute do not fully understand,

My children love me….

They do not always like me.  They do not always agree with me.  At times, I am sure they might have even hated me a little…

But, at the end of the day, as I lay my head to pillow, they don’t forget to tell me…nor I them….

ILY

ILY2

And, holy peace washes over me like the waves of the ocean my children and I so dearly love…..great white waves filled with forgiveness for my mistakes that day, for I make them every day

Filled with joy in remembering with fond affection a past fun time, for we have many such times

Filled with tenderness seeking to comfort me or me to comfort them, for comfort is a gift

Filled with son-ship and daughter-ship which is one of the greatest blessings God has ever bestowed upon me, I treasure them, like the gift they are….

Mama-ing….it is no easy task because you have to cut open your chest from “bow” to “stern” and leave exposed the very heart which sits at the feet of God….yet, somehow, manage to provide a safe haven for those children God somehow believed you were worthy enough to love…to cherish, to care for.

I am convinced that God blesses us with children to remind us of our spiritual humanity in this unspiritual world.

Every day of my life from birth to today has had an impact, both good and bad, on my much beloved children because it has molded and shaped their mother…

Every success I have had has emboldened me to try harder toward the next success; every failure has grown strength to encourage me to not quit and to keep trying..

When I look into the faces of my children…Madison, Kenton, and Johnson, I see reflected the face of their mother…

And, in their reflections, I see the very worst of me….the part of me at times I do not even relate to in her sinfulness and evil…

But, as God is want to do…most times, when I look into the faces of my children…

Madison

Kenton

Johnson

I see the best of me…..the part of me that God promised to never give up on…

The part of me HE is speaking to when He says, “He has made everything beautiful in its time. He has also set eternity in the human heart; yet no one can fathom what God has done from beginning to end.”

Truth

No one can fathom what God has done from beginning to end

And, that is how we Mama’s persevere….

Because while we see the imperfections of ourselves in our children,

Those we passed along through each of their almost twenty and twenty five years

The reality is, they are but a temporary gift to us

But, are an eternal daughter and sons to HIM

And, God’s ability is to see the good in them….the potential….the striving they are doing to fight against this life as they seek to find the path to Him….

He sees Himself

The Hope of their personal salvation….

And, that is why God keeps the knees of a Mama tender from the bending….

I was told once from a wise and Godly Mama who has gone to be with Him, that,”there is no mistake too large to keep your children from their Father; there is no skill so mighty as to bring your children to their Savior.”

I claim that daily….

And, I am humbled by its comfort knowing that while I am to be a solid example, a woman of character, strength and humility, I will never ever measure up, even if I tried my very hardest, because I am human…worldly…broken….sinful

What I can do

What I should do

Is try to stay as close to God as I can so that when my children see my walk toward Him, they see the journey as possible, as do-able, as worthy…

They see the purposeful intent to live for Him

They see the practiced effort of studying about Him

They see the humble truth of failing, repenting, and getting back up to take another step toward Him

It’s not through perfection that we come to know God

It’s through our imperfect attempts to find Him that He becomes real to us

And, that is what this Mama tries imperfectly to do

I didn’t always understand this…

The importance of my own personal journey and its impact on my children,

But, I do now…

And, that is why those precious

Tender

Sweet

Three little letters….And one number

Are one of the greatest treasures of my heart

For, each time I hear them arrive on my phone at night,

I am reminded

That no matter how bad or good of a mother I am, have been, or will be…..

I am loved by my children

And, I suspect, so are you loved by yours…

ILY

ILY2

Blessings,

Lesa