Friday, April 5, 2013


Five Minute Friday:  After
I didn’t realize….

The gifts my parents truly gave me…

The joy of journaling on a pond behind my childhood home…

The sweetness of splashing feet into a cold stream with my best friend, Beth…

The kindness of a Grandmother who listened…

The tenderness of a young man’s love…

The joyfulness of motherhood….

The sorrow losing a child cannot hold…

The brokenness a failed marriage brings…

The healing our Father is able to provide…

The meaning of a covenant with God…

Until After…..

I grew a faith which was their gift to me….

I found my journals all boxed and ready to share with my daughter

I had to walk through life without her by my side

I heard her sweet words running through my head

I found his love again as an adult…

 I spent twenty-three years becoming their mother…

I understood that there are some Gifts from God which last only moments

I accepted that there is some brokenness only God can heal…

I saw that our Faithful Father heals all things….in His time…not ours…

I believed and understood that we live this live…our marriages…our parenting in faithful covenant with a God who is the KEEPER of COVENANTS…
 
LSMY

 

If it’s Monday, It’s Mama (plus four days and a need for a name change)

N Is for Navigating’, Nurture, and Nickname

You have heard me say many times over your soon-to-be twenty three years that “life is a journey.”  It is our daily walk and while it may seem like it can last a long time, when you get to my age, you realize it is over in a wink and a blink and a nod.

As with any journey, it has its high points and its low points, many of which are determined by the company we keep and the places we choose to go.  And for the most part, it is our choices which determine our path.

Choose wisely.

Choose with discernment.

Choose with a heart for where you want to end up at the end of your life. 

When I was your age, I kept a journal and on one page, very early on, I wrote down goals for my life, most of which I have now accomplished.. 

Simple goals

Not lengthy, but rather…brief 

But, focused. 

Ten of them….listed in just a few, simple words 

And, at the very top is…. 

Live for Christ 

I wrote this in 1980….I was 18 years old 

I may have been young, but I knew whose path on which I wanted to walk, and it was not mine. 

What I did not know at 18 was that choosing to live for Christ was the easy decision.  What is much harder is “navigating” this life in a Godly fashion every day, every way….all the time. 

Navigating, by definition, means to find a way through a place 

And, that is what life is truly about….”finding a way through this life…this world…this time….as we seek to get to THAT place called heaven… 

I wish I could tell you it would always be easy, but you know from your short 23 years that it is not easy….

So, I ask myself…what about navigating this journey have I learned that I would like to share with my precious daughter?   

Here are a few lessons I have learned, some from my own learning, some from that of others….I hope it helps… 

Ask God to send you and to stay with you every step of your journey

Begin with the end in mind….if heaven is your goal, walk heaven’s direction

Become faithfully fit..it requires time with God…in His Word

Be physically and emotionally fit…it requires time and effort

Know your limitations and give all to God

Be committed…disciplined

 
Choose your attitude up front
 

Your attitude toward your journey will determine how you navigate your life…..and, it will make all the difference.  You are going to have times of great joy and gladness…and, you are going to have times of great sorrow and brokenness. 

You navigate your emotional life just as you do your physical life….by choice. 

I don’t know how to say this enough….because I think you struggle with it at times.. 

Chose to navigate your life with a positive frame of reference.

Lay down on the path those past matters which will hold back joy in your life…and  

Walk forward….
 
N is for Nurture 

Nurture is to give tender care and protection….I think you do a good job of nurturing others.  I see it with your friendships and with your co-workers and even your family members.

 You have a nurturing heart…a kind heart…a sweet heart. 

You have always had a nurturing heart even when you were a little girl.  Although you most definitely were a tumbly little girl…tomboy-ish even at times, you always took time to be kind, gentle and to take care of those around you.

What I have not seen as much of is nurturing yourself and that is my prayer for these next few years in your life…that you see your value and worth and give yourself permission to take care of yourself.

It is okay. 

It IS Godly to take care of yourself.  He expects is of us.

Taking care of one’s self does not equate to selfishness….it equates to Godliness. 

Even Jesus took care of himself….to rest, to pray, to breathe and seek His Father’s direction.

So, baby….nurture yourself….

I don’t know what all that would entail…I have a few thoughts on the matter but I won’t say them here because I know it drives you crazy when I do….:) 

But, you know… 

You are headed into a profession so pulling on your wellness that they require you to take a class on “self-wellness”…they understand and are trying to prepare you for the trials which will come your way as a social worker. 

How can you help others….if you do not help and nurture yourself. 

Love yourself….nurture yourself….eliminate those things which hinder you from doing so… 

You are worth your very best effort to nurture yourself… 

N is for Nicknames…

Sweetpea

Maddie Beth

Maddie Poo

MEJ

Snickelbritches

Sweetie

Princess

Puss (from Grammy, a tradition and intended for good)
Sweetie Girl (from Mamaw)
Jewelsy
Speed deamon
Baby 

And, the list could go on and on… 

I love nicknames which families and friends have for one another… 

Nicknames are an indication that there is an intimate relationship between the nickname giver and the nickname receiver…they often tell a story….remind us of precious moments or even of silly and fun times together…

And, we have had many…..wonderful, blessed, precious times together. 

I cherish each and every one… 

And, I find myself at times…laughing out loud remembering something silly or funny or sweet

It brings joy to my heart and laughter to my soul 

And, gratefulness to my heart… 

That of all the mothers in all of the world living at all of the times….God would chose me to have you… 

My daughter
Friend
Companion
Warrior
Confidant
Co-writer
Silliness provider 

And, I am confident that over the years, you will earn even more nicknames….from friends, from family and one day, maybe even a husbandJ 

In the interim….enjoy those you have now… 

They are good nicknames…they are sweet 

And, they should make you smile…for that is what nicknames are for… 

ILYAOYMC,

Mama

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

Wednesday, March 27, 2013


If It’s Monday, It’s Mama…..

 
M is for Madison, Mickey Mouse and Mama 

M is for Madison…..

Names are important
Names are not just some moniker given haplessly to little babies at birth.  The name you give your child is a reflection of your hopes and dreams and prayers for your child. 

 
 
 
 
They are pieces of your soul attached to a piece of your heart 
And that piece of your heart walks around
carrying that piece of your soul all the days of your life…. 

Your dad and I spent much time pouring over the Bible, numerous baby books and even interviewing family members in our effort to pick your name.  It’s not that it had to be perfect to us…to me.  It’s that we wanted it to be the name God had in mind for you when he knitted you in my womb.
 

Madison…..”valiant warrior for God”

Elizabeth….”gift of God”

Jewel…”precious gift” 

We “tried on” many names over the months we were pregnant with you…Megan, Morgan, Mia, and even Poppy’s suggestion, “Chlesa Suzanne”….I called my Aunt Linda searching for old, family names.  We asked your Mamaw about names on your dad’s side.  We went through Bible name books, secular name books and unique baby name books.  Ultimately, we went to what we knew…ourselves, our faith, our family.

We chose Madison because that is where your dad and I met….Richmond, Madison County, Kentucky.  It is a lovely college town nestled in a sweetspot between Lexington and Paintsville, Kentucky where your dad was born.  Lesa and Beth are derivatives of Elizabeth.  Beth, as you know, was my precious BFF from high school who lost her life in an automobile accident when I was a senior.  Jewel is your Grammy, Shirle’s Mama’s middle name…Lettie Jewel and your Mamaw Betty’s Mama’s middle name…Malta Jewell.  We spelled yours the way my Granny Lettie’s name was spelled.

So, you have a Kentucky County name, a Bible name and a family name all wrapped up into the naming of you…
 
I have always been amazed at how well your name fits you…have you have grown into it over the years and how it has become more and more of you as you entered into adulthood.

And, I smile…. 

When I close my eyes, I vividly remember the doctor laying you in my arms that very sweet moment after you were born…the joy in my heart was so overwhelming that it filled to overflowing my soul in such a way that my heart could not contain it all and little tears of sweetness poured down my cheeks….

Happy, joyful tears… 

I never felt closer to God than that moment you left the shelter of my body and entered this world…

And, when I looked down on your precious little face…it was clear to me… 

Your name….the one God intended for you… 
Madison Elizabeth Jewel…..
 
Precious gift…..gift from God….valiant warrior for the Lord…. 

And, fittingly…appropriately, the nurse said as she was checking you out, cleaning you up, measuring you, comparing you to the “norms” for newborn babies… 

“She’s a fighter”……. 

I didn’t know then how prosaic her words would be…but, I do now. 

And, while I pray for you a calm and peaceful time on this earth….It is good to know that when those times come where you will have to battle for your faith, your beliefs, your well-being, that you have that valiant spirit in you to battle strong and hard and wisely.

Valiant means brave and steadfast….courageous

And, that you have been and are….and, will be! 

It does not appear that you were born to be faint at heart….as God may call others to be.  It appears that you were called to be strong and brave and steadfast in life… 

The key is…..raising your heart, your soul, your eyes to God and searching Him….seeking His direction and going in that way…
 
He will lead you…..if you will follow… 

Follow…. 

And, in the following, He will enable you to fulfill the purpose of your name, and the purpose of your life…for your name….your life… 

Came from Him…. 

M is for……M.I.C.K.E.Y.  M.O.U.S.E!!! 

Your dad and I took you to Disneyland in Florida when you were about four years old.  Precious..precious are the memories I have of you as we entered the Magic Kingdom for your very first time. 

Your enthusiasm was contagious!!  As only a four year olds enthusiasm could be. 

It was on this trip that I began to fully appreciate what a gift it was to see the world through your eyes….sure, we had had  many wonderful, exciting experiences during those four years, but it was our trip to Disney which so enraptured you and made me realize how amazing life really was…and, is!!

Everything there was New….and Beautiful….and Amazing (or ‘mazing) as you said for at least 1,000 times.

Cinderella, Snow White and the Seven Dwarfs, and all the characters were not pretend to you…they were real!!  The rides were not just pretend tea-cups, they were REAL tea-cups!!  Cotton candy tasted sweeter, roller coasters were “huger”…everything was super-fantastic-wonderful and you wanted us to leave Kentucky and move there!!

I remember holding your sweet, little four year old hand and barely being able to contain your joy….your word to describe everything was, “Mama…isn’t this ‘mazing??”

This is ‘mazing….that is ‘mazing….it’s all ‘mazing!! 

Precious, precious are those memories of visiting Mickey! 

And, magical, too… 

We took you to Cinderella’s castle where you personally spent time visiting with Cinderella.  As we were leaving, she invited you to come back and you asked her, “When I come back, will you promise to remember me?”,  and she said, “well, of course, Princess Madison, I will always remember you, because you are special.”  And you asked, “Pinkie-promise” and stuck out your little pinkie for her to shake on her promise (something you and I still do today). 

And, you know what??  

She did remember you. 

When we took you and your brothers back to Disneyland in Florida when they were first graders and you were a sixth grader, we went back to Cinderella’s castle… 

You walked right up to her and asked her if she remembered you (not giving your name of course) and she said, “Princess Madison….it is so wonderful to see you again.  I have been missing you.”

 M.a.g.i.c.a.l 

You were absolutely, positively, fantastically stunned that she not only remembered you, but that she remembered your name, and it was at that moment I realized…. 

YOUR eyes were opened to the joy and the wonder and the magic of life as well!!! 

It was awesome!  You are awesome!   

Enjoying the fun things of life is Awesome!! 

And, the greatest joy is in the sharing of all of this Awesome-ness!!
 

M is for Mama…. 

What a privilege and honor it is to be a Mama…and, not just anyone’s Mama, but your Mama. 

It is a gift….and, not just any old gift, but a special delivery…from God… 

Fittingly, as your name implies…. 

From the moment the prayers for you began in my heart, to this very day, I have been ever-so-grateful that God allowed me this precious gift… 

Of you… 

I have so many sweet, sweet memories….my holding you the first time, your little finger curling around my finger…and the power of love and protection that evoked within my soul.  Finding out about your PKU and my commitment then and there to be “the best PKU mother a daughter could have”.  The seeds of selflessness which started to grow in my heart when you came into my life.  Holding your hand as we crossed the street, your helping me do “hout work” a/k/a housework while daddy was at “hid work” a/k/a his work.  We worked together, cooked together, played together. 

We visited neighbors, grew flowers from seeds and swung high in the trees.  We had mother dates to museums, Sunday dates to the Children’s Museum.  We took trips to visit cousins and grandparents and friends.

We did science projects, Christmas projects and church projects. 

We made snow angels and ate “snow-scream”, we laid on the sidewalk and star-gazed.  We even climbed onto the roof of our home (and, still do) to gaze at stars.  We started traditions…so many, it is hard to count, but a favorite is our mother/daughter dates at Joseph-Beth. 

We have had silly conversations and serious conversations.  We have talked about life, and death, cancer and divorce, honesty and truth.  We have fought, we have scratched.  We have cried and we have laughed.
 
We have loved….. 

And, in that loving and living and sharing, we have entwined our hearts in such a way that nothing…nothing can sever our bond. 

Mama and child
Mama and daughter
Mama and friend 

It is a privilege and an honor to be your mother. 

I am not worthy of such an honor, but I am grateful for the opportunity. 

If there is any good in me, if there are any seeds of sweetness and kindness and joyfulness…it is in large part because I have had you for a daughter…my daughter.

And, for that, I am eternally grateful…..

I Love You As Only Your Mama Can, 

“more than all the sands on all of the beaches in all of the world, and once you have them counted, more than all of the beaches in all of the heavens….and once you have those counted….”

That is just the “beginning” of how much God loves you.
 

ILYAOYMC,

Mama

 

 

 

 

 

 

Saturday, March 23, 2013


A Mama Moment…                                    March 23, 2013
            With my children, Madison, Kenton & Johnson
I write for my children…it is my legacy to them.  I post my writings for my daughter and sons and those who love me and have asked me to share….I write so that I can put my thoughts into print and draft a small family book, so, its to these people I share…. 

When I was going through counseling as a part of a divorce I was sad to walk through and did not desire but felt compelled to complete, a much beloved Christian sister, counselor gave me this advice:“Live in truth, Lesa….chose this day to spend the rest of your life living for God and tell the truth in the living because this is God’s promise to you today….”   

“If you hold to my teaching, you are really my disciples, then you will know the truth and the truth will set you free.”  John 8:32

I learned that God can heal all things….but, sometimes, we cannot, in our imperfect humanity. 

God bless her for that loving sharing of God’s will for my life.  It has made all the difference in my life.  It has allowed me to forgive myself....and others. 

What I committed to then was to from that day until I breathe my last, to live in truth and my children and I adopted this saying, “better the ugly truth than a pretty lie”. 

As I have written previously, because of this, I know things about my children and they of me which are ugly, un-beautiful, un-Godly and down right heart-breaking.  Fortunately, these knowings are non-voluminous. Do we do this messy sharing daily and immerse ourselves?  No, we do not. But, do we live in this truth…yes, we do (as far as I know and parents all know...there may be things to come.)

So, as I have shared “A Mama Moment” of happy events, I wanted to share “A Mama Moment” of not so happy events….
 
I don’t plan to elaborate the details…that would be improper and not appropriate… 

But, I share this Mama Moment…because it is not a white picket fence which surrounds our home.  It is a fence with broken boards and even a few broken posts.

I am not a perfect mother.  I do not have a perfect life.  My husband is not perfect.  My children are not perfect.  Our home is not perfect. My legacy to my family is not perfect.

We had “Mama Moments” this week which stretched the limits of my patience, my Godliness and my love.  We said things we did not mean, heard things we did not want to hear and felt things which we did not want to feel. 

I hit my knees hard this week….

I doubted my parenting skills… 

I struggled with what felt like non-answers to prayers from a God whom I know hears me. 

As I write this, I struggle in knowing how to discipline a child who is being disrespectful, how to encourage a child who is seeking to make significant changes in her life and with a child who is questioning the Christianity of those with whom he is surrounded. 

It is painful. 

It is LIFE….. 

The difference I now have in my life is that I now know this with absolute clarity. 

My parents can pray for me, my siblings can encourage me, my church families can pray for me… 

BUT, only GOD can truly help me…

And, even then, He expects me to SEEK Him. 

So, that is what I do this morning….. I confess my weaknesses as a Christian woman, wife, mother, daughter, sibling….friend. And, I take my self, and my struggles and my worries and my brokenness to HIM 

And it is in the so-doing that I find peace 

Peace that passeth all understanding….which only God can provide. 

So, there it is…..A Mama Moment, not so lovely, but yet, so truthful. 

Pray for our family….and, we will pray for yours…. 

A Mama Moment…..May God bless each and everyone….