ILY2

Almost without fail, every evening either I am sending or I am receiving from my boys (my daughter, too, when she is away from home as her brothers are now), a text with this message to me.

Three simple letters….one number

But, the impact they have on this Mama’s life, heart, spirit, is profound

 

It’s profound, because I am unworthy

And, I am sure that I am not the only Mama who feels that way

Children have a way of crawling into the lap of our soul and finding the very weakness, sin, brokenness and flaws we have.

And, I have many.

I know this to be truth not only because others find peace in reminding me of this truth, but also, because I live within my own ability to tell myself the truth.

But, for some reason, I even at this minute do not fully understand,

My children love me….

They do not always like me.  They do not always agree with me.  At times, I am sure they might have even hated me a little…

But, at the end of the day, as I lay my head to pillow, they don’t forget to tell me…nor I them….

ILY

ILY2

And, holy peace washes over me like the waves of the ocean my children and I so dearly love…..great white waves filled with forgiveness for my mistakes that day, for I make them every day

Filled with joy in remembering with fond affection a past fun time, for we have many such times

Filled with tenderness seeking to comfort me or me to comfort them, for comfort is a gift

Filled with son-ship and daughter-ship which is one of the greatest blessings God has ever bestowed upon me, I treasure them, like the gift they are….

Mama-ing….it is no easy task because you have to cut open your chest from “bow” to “stern” and leave exposed the very heart which sits at the feet of God….yet, somehow, manage to provide a safe haven for those children God somehow believed you were worthy enough to love…to cherish, to care for.

I am convinced that God blesses us with children to remind us of our spiritual humanity in this unspiritual world.

Every day of my life from birth to today has had an impact, both good and bad, on my much beloved children because it has molded and shaped their mother…

Every success I have had has emboldened me to try harder toward the next success; every failure has grown strength to encourage me to not quit and to keep trying..

When I look into the faces of my children…Madison, Kenton, and Johnson, I see reflected the face of their mother…

And, in their reflections, I see the very worst of me….the part of me at times I do not even relate to in her sinfulness and evil…

But, as God is want to do…most times, when I look into the faces of my children…

Madison

Kenton

Johnson

I see the best of me…..the part of me that God promised to never give up on…

The part of me HE is speaking to when He says, “He has made everything beautiful in its time. He has also set eternity in the human heart; yet no one can fathom what God has done from beginning to end.”

Truth

No one can fathom what God has done from beginning to end

And, that is how we Mama’s persevere….

Because while we see the imperfections of ourselves in our children,

Those we passed along through each of their almost twenty and twenty five years

The reality is, they are but a temporary gift to us

But, are an eternal daughter and sons to HIM

And, God’s ability is to see the good in them….the potential….the striving they are doing to fight against this life as they seek to find the path to Him….

He sees Himself

The Hope of their personal salvation….

And, that is why God keeps the knees of a Mama tender from the bending….

I was told once from a wise and Godly Mama who has gone to be with Him, that,”there is no mistake too large to keep your children from their Father; there is no skill so mighty as to bring your children to their Savior.”

I claim that daily….

And, I am humbled by its comfort knowing that while I am to be a solid example, a woman of character, strength and humility, I will never ever measure up, even if I tried my very hardest, because I am human…worldly…broken….sinful

What I can do

What I should do

Is try to stay as close to God as I can so that when my children see my walk toward Him, they see the journey as possible, as do-able, as worthy…

They see the purposeful intent to live for Him

They see the practiced effort of studying about Him

They see the humble truth of failing, repenting, and getting back up to take another step toward Him

It’s not through perfection that we come to know God

It’s through our imperfect attempts to find Him that He becomes real to us

And, that is what this Mama tries imperfectly to do

I didn’t always understand this…

The importance of my own personal journey and its impact on my children,

But, I do now…

And, that is why those precious

Tender

Sweet

Three little letters….And one number

Are one of the greatest treasures of my heart

For, each time I hear them arrive on my phone at night,

I am reminded

That no matter how bad or good of a mother I am, have been, or will be…..

I am loved by my children

And, I suspect, so are you loved by yours…

ILY

ILY2

Blessings,

Lesa

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

Happy New Year....2015. 

I don't believe in co-incidences, but I do believe in God-incidences.  So, it comes as no surprise to me that when I opened to my Bible reading for today it came to the verse which has carried me through many, many seasons in my life: 

Ephesians 3:20.  "Now to Him who is able to do immeasurably more than all we ask or imagine, according to His power that is at work within us, to Him be the glory in the church and in Christ Jesus throughout all generations, for ever and ever! Amen".

One of my greatest weaknesses is not staying close to God, not sharing my life with Him and not asking enough from Him.  I am working to change that trait about myself because I know that He wants us to come to Him in all things on all days with great expectation and faith like a child to a Father.  Same as we who are blessed with children want them to come to us….although moreso.

I am learning.....

when I give over myself...my whole self....to the One who loves me with purposeful intention, my world become upright and strong and real.

So, that is what I plan to do this 2015 because life is a journey of stepping toward Him and learning from Him and giving to Him

Us

All of us

The more of me I give to God

The more of God I receive from Him

It is a win-win

Join me?

Blessings on your 2015!

Lesa

 

 

The Prayer…..Our Prayer…My Prayer

Celine Dion and Andre’ Bocelli have a version of one of my most favorite prayer songs entitled simply, The Prayer.  It came to me during a very sad season in my life when I truly was lost, afraid and uncertain of where to go as I moved into my future.  I played The Prayer many, many times, almost daily, for over two years.  It became the rope I hung onto to help me make it through.  I had the CD in my car, my kitchen, my bedroom and my bathroom.  Yes, I really did.  The words to this song, like the Bible, certain people’s voices, prayers, and other means God used to carry me through that season are precious to my heart.  They kept me close to Him when I was lost – when He had to be my eyes, He had to guide me with His grace. He had to carry me to the other side.

And then, recently, I heard this song on K-Love and its impact on me totally changed…I could feel it….the healing that God had brought to me….to my spirit, my personhood and my faith.  Ironic, since my physical body has never been more “unwell”.  But, that is God being God, doing the unimaginable with the unthinkable for the unlovable.

The healing which has come to me, my husband,  my children….it is tangible, a gift which comes from persevering, praying, surrendering, working together, telling the truth, repenting, and, again, surrendering which was our “word” for 2014. 

            I chose surrender as our guiding work for 2014 because I knew I had issues with surrendering….with freely giving of self to God.  And, honestly, I still do not have it mastered, but as noted in a recent blog, I am no longer a surrender novice….I have learned in 2014 to let it go and leave it there….to walk to the cross, lay down my burden, sorrow, pain, and loss….and move away. 

            I have learned to pray and then lay them in my prayer jar….visiting my requests but not holding them too tightly because God wants us to remember our prayers but not to fear them…..

            I have learned that when I give my life, my heart, my spirit over to God, I not only don’t need to pick them back up, but that I should not pick them up…and, more importantly, when I do pick them up, I rob myself of receiving God’s direction and love.       

And, I don’t want to do that….ever again….

But, I will because I am human, and, I know God will gently remind me to once again….

Surrender…..

As we move into 2015, I enter this year a different person that I have been these past fifty two years, nine months…..because our God is like that…..always growing us, always changing us, always fostering our spirit to grow toward him…

I am learning….

We are either growing toward God or growing away from God, but on this, we can be certain…

We are growing…

Our lives are in God’s hands….

So, for 2015, our theme is “His Will Be Done”…..

In all things, on all days….

And with

Eucharisto…

Thankfulness….

For all of our circumstances

His Will Be Done…..

Blessings from our family to yours as you enter 2015!

 

Lesa

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

The Prayer

I pray you’ll be our eyes
And watch us where we go
And help us to be wise
In times when we don’t know

Let this be our prayer
As we go our way
Lead us to a place
Guide us with your grace
To a place where we’ll be safe

I pray we’ll find your light
And hold it in our hearts
When stars go out each night
Let this be our prayer
When shadows fill our day
Lead us to a place
Guide us with your grace

Give us faith so we’ll be safe.
We ask that life be kind
And watch us from above
We hope each soul will find
Another soul to love

Let this be our prayer
Let this be our prayer
Just like every child
Just like every child

Needs to find a place,
Guide us with your grace
Give us faith so we’ll be safe

 

 

 

God has brought the invitation to study the hymns of old to me this year, and, so I have.   

Even now, at this early rising of 4 am, I am reminded of one sung as I grew from a little girl to young woman at Radcliff Church of Christ and then Hill Grove Church of Christ.

"All to Jesus I Surrender"

I didn't understand as I warmed the pews at both churches exactly what it meant to surrender all…and, frankly, at this current age, I am still not an expert on the matter, but I am certain that I am no longer a novice to the concept…

In fact, for 2014, "We Surrender All" was the theme I chose to live by, pray by, sing by, and be changed by…

Never did I realize just how much my life would be impacted by those three little words, "We Surrender All"…in fact, it is good that I did not know for I might not have chosen them as my guide, my light….no, I know with certainty that I would not have, for in the choosing, there came pain…

Surrendering, by faith definition means, "to completely yield you own will to the will of God"

And, anytime you let go of self, it cuts a swath across your selfishness that bleeds and hurts and pains the heart

I want to be clear, for me…it was not God who caused my pain.  It was facing, naming and surrendering my selfishness, my sin, which did

And, in my case, I genuinely attempted to yield many things to the will of God….

Coming daily to the feet of the cross with my baggage of brokenness, sorrow and pain…failures, relationships, fears

I began with gentle offerings…lightly laying them down at the foot of the cross….

My attitude, actions and activities

Then, as I moved into 2014, my offerings became bolder as I walked toward the cross again and again

My husband, children, parents, and siblings

In June, I gave over my worldly tent, my body, to the will of God

And, in doing so, I was made to realize that this physical holder of my spiritual self is just that…a tent

A covering

One which is subject to the whims of life, the aging process, and the mistakes of man

2014 has been a physically challenging season in my life.   

Truth. 

 There were and are times I did not think my body would make it to this day, and I was not certain I could face the pain and live through it…

Nights came when fear shook my foundation so much that I did not think I would wake to see another sunrise. 

Physical pain dropped me to my knees where begging for mercy and relief was all I had left

The constancy of not getting better, but rather, as my doctor said, adjusting to a "new normal" was my new lot in life…

Perhaps most painful to me was seeing life go on around me and realizing that were I not here, the world would keep spinning, my husband would still get up and travel to work, my children would move on with their daily musings, and I…..

I would just be a thought in their lives

I learned to "surrender" this year….

Night after night, I lay on my couch to sleep and talked hard and fast with God

Why

Why me?

Why my family?

I thought to negotiate, to sway, to plead, but the efforts would not come

I begged for relief, for resolve, for removal and eventually, for a miracle

But, I was denied…

Or, was I?

As I write this today, in the early hours, I am convinced, not only did God hear my pleas, my heartfelt prayers, my soul's cries…

He shared the experience with me…

He stills shares it with me…

And, He called to me do what I committed to attempt when I chose "We Surrender All" to live by in 2014…..

"Surrender"

"All"

Not just what is simple, not just what is easy, not what I don't want, not what I can do….

But, rather, Surrender All

And, this is what I am learning…

That when you give your all to God, there is nothing left of you

But, there is all that's left of God

All to Jesus I surrender, All to Him I freely give;

I will ever love and trust Him in His presence daily live.

All to Jesus I surrender, humbly at His feet I bow,

Worldly pleasures all forsaken Take me Jesus, take me now.

All to Jesus I surrender, Lord, I give myself to Thee,

Fill me with thy Love and Power, let the blessings fall on me.

I surrender all…all to Thee my blessed Savior, I surrender All

And, in this surrendering

Rather than becoming weaker, as this world would have you believe…

I am becoming stronger

No, not necessarily physically stronger

But, yes, spiritually stronger

Emotionally stronger

IN HIM stronger

Less of me

More of Him

I confess, I don't know what is in store for my physical tent-of-a-body in 2015

I don't

I may live. I may die.  I may live with my physical "attachments" the balance of my days.  I may be healed to a perfection greater than I can even imagine

Time will tell

And, only God knows

But, what I have learned is that in surrendering all to Him

And holding nothing back to me

I am where God would have me to be

To "the bottom of myself and the beginning of Him"

So, as I head into 2015…

I go with Eucharisto

With "Thankfulness"

With knowing that surrendering all to Him empties me….

To His will for my life

And, so, that is my prayer for 2015…

"God's will be done"

Not in some things, but in all things

Not to some other people, but to me

Not in fear, but in faith

God's Will Be Done!

Blessings,

Lesa

"When We All Get To Heaven"

There is an old church song Ian and I used to sing when we were growing up at the Radcliff Church of Christ in Radcliff, Kentucky.  If I close my eyes, I can hear it being sung by Adelle McKinney loud and clear, and we were expected to raise our voices loud and clear as well.  

It has new meaning to me as I sit at my kitchen table writing this blog while my husband and babies lie sleeping above me.

It's chorus, "When we all get to heaven, what a day of rejoicing that will be, when we all see Jesus, we will sing and shout the victory" is a portrait of how I feel this morning with my husband and children all at home and safe under the roof of our family home…and I "sing and shout the victory" of the gift of them

I don't say that lightly because our family has worked hard these past years to become bonded and one…the dad in our home is not the one who birthed these children, but you would never know it.  The home is not the one in which these children were raised, but when you pass through the threshold of our "love lives here home" you would never believe it.  

Proof that our mighty God, the maker of all things "home" can take anything, anyone, any situation and make it beautiful.  I know this truth because I live it every day and I see it in the faces of Ian and Madison and Kenton and Johnson.

The verses of this old, old hymn written by Eliza E. Hewitt and Elizabeth D. Wilson in 1898 speak to my very soul with such tender mercies…

Sing the wondrous love of Jesus, sing His mercy and his grace,

In the mansion bright and blessed, He'll prepare for us a place.

While we walk that pilgrim pathway, clouds will over spread the sky

But when traveling days are over not a shadow or a sigh

Let us then be true and faithful trusting, serving every day

Just one glimpse of Him in glory will the toils of life repay

Onward to the prize before us soon His beauty we'll behold

Soon the pearly gates will open we shall tread the streets of gold

When we all get to heaven what a day of rejoicing that will be

When we all see Jesus we'll sing and shout the victory

I am learning….

That if we pay attention while walking on this earth, God will use scripture, people, songs, situations….life….to teach us

To show us

To remind us

That, this earthly home is not our home, but rather, it is the shadow of what will be our home

…..some day

We are not going to achieve perfection within the walls in any home while living on this earth

We are not all going to have the perfect family

The perfect marriage

The perfect health

The color of our skins may not all be matching

The bloodlines of our bodies may not be in unison

Not everyone will attend the same church to worship

Nor will everyone find God within the bounds of a building

But one thing I am learning as a personal truth…

If I wake up from my slumber on a morning

If breath fills my lungs

And, I am able to move my legs over to the side of the bed

If I am able to rise up and spend a new day dawning on this earth…..

God wants me to think on Him

To sing His mercies and His grace

And, to remember that the point of my rising to life this day is not to spend it in selfish ambition pursuing single pursuits which will make me happy

But rather….

It is to remember….

That only in Him will I find real peace, real joy, real love

And, that with that love, I am to take it and use it and do my very best with it to share it with others around me, every day, in every way, at all times, to all people

So that, they, too, may see the shadow on this earthly planet of the greater place He is building for us

With Him

In heaven

And, He wants us "ALL" to get there…..every single one

So that "when our traveling days are over….and our work on earth is done"…..

We have peace in knowing to where it is we will go….

"onward to the prize before us, we shall tread the streets of gold"

Where when we see the face of Jesus….we will sing and shout in Victory!"

So, as I type on my modern-day computer words expressing the feelings of my heart knowing that above me lie the four most precious people in my life, I am reminded…

Of Him

And, of that song learned long ago as a little girl sitting in a wooden pew

Envisioning the "love of Jesus"……

And being grateful for the songs He gave me,

The children He sent me

The Husband he designed for me

All shared with me to remind me that one day….some day….on a day…..we will all

Together

See Jesus

And, what a day of rejoicing that will be!!

Blessings,

Lesa