God has brought the invitation to study the hymns of old to me this year, and, so I have.   

Even now, at this early rising of 4 am, I am reminded of one sung as I grew from a little girl to young woman at Radcliff Church of Christ and then Hill Grove Church of Christ.

"All to Jesus I Surrender"

I didn't understand as I warmed the pews at both churches exactly what it meant to surrender all…and, frankly, at this current age, I am still not an expert on the matter, but I am certain that I am no longer a novice to the concept…

In fact, for 2014, "We Surrender All" was the theme I chose to live by, pray by, sing by, and be changed by…

Never did I realize just how much my life would be impacted by those three little words, "We Surrender All"…in fact, it is good that I did not know for I might not have chosen them as my guide, my light….no, I know with certainty that I would not have, for in the choosing, there came pain…

Surrendering, by faith definition means, "to completely yield you own will to the will of God"

And, anytime you let go of self, it cuts a swath across your selfishness that bleeds and hurts and pains the heart

I want to be clear, for me…it was not God who caused my pain.  It was facing, naming and surrendering my selfishness, my sin, which did

And, in my case, I genuinely attempted to yield many things to the will of God….

Coming daily to the feet of the cross with my baggage of brokenness, sorrow and pain…failures, relationships, fears

I began with gentle offerings…lightly laying them down at the foot of the cross….

My attitude, actions and activities

Then, as I moved into 2014, my offerings became bolder as I walked toward the cross again and again

My husband, children, parents, and siblings

In June, I gave over my worldly tent, my body, to the will of God

And, in doing so, I was made to realize that this physical holder of my spiritual self is just that…a tent

A covering

One which is subject to the whims of life, the aging process, and the mistakes of man

2014 has been a physically challenging season in my life.   

Truth. 

 There were and are times I did not think my body would make it to this day, and I was not certain I could face the pain and live through it…

Nights came when fear shook my foundation so much that I did not think I would wake to see another sunrise. 

Physical pain dropped me to my knees where begging for mercy and relief was all I had left

The constancy of not getting better, but rather, as my doctor said, adjusting to a "new normal" was my new lot in life…

Perhaps most painful to me was seeing life go on around me and realizing that were I not here, the world would keep spinning, my husband would still get up and travel to work, my children would move on with their daily musings, and I…..

I would just be a thought in their lives

I learned to "surrender" this year….

Night after night, I lay on my couch to sleep and talked hard and fast with God

Why

Why me?

Why my family?

I thought to negotiate, to sway, to plead, but the efforts would not come

I begged for relief, for resolve, for removal and eventually, for a miracle

But, I was denied…

Or, was I?

As I write this today, in the early hours, I am convinced, not only did God hear my pleas, my heartfelt prayers, my soul's cries…

He shared the experience with me…

He stills shares it with me…

And, He called to me do what I committed to attempt when I chose "We Surrender All" to live by in 2014…..

"Surrender"

"All"

Not just what is simple, not just what is easy, not what I don't want, not what I can do….

But, rather, Surrender All

And, this is what I am learning…

That when you give your all to God, there is nothing left of you

But, there is all that's left of God

All to Jesus I surrender, All to Him I freely give;

I will ever love and trust Him in His presence daily live.

All to Jesus I surrender, humbly at His feet I bow,

Worldly pleasures all forsaken Take me Jesus, take me now.

All to Jesus I surrender, Lord, I give myself to Thee,

Fill me with thy Love and Power, let the blessings fall on me.

I surrender all…all to Thee my blessed Savior, I surrender All

And, in this surrendering

Rather than becoming weaker, as this world would have you believe…

I am becoming stronger

No, not necessarily physically stronger

But, yes, spiritually stronger

Emotionally stronger

IN HIM stronger

Less of me

More of Him

I confess, I don't know what is in store for my physical tent-of-a-body in 2015

I don't

I may live. I may die.  I may live with my physical "attachments" the balance of my days.  I may be healed to a perfection greater than I can even imagine

Time will tell

And, only God knows

But, what I have learned is that in surrendering all to Him

And holding nothing back to me

I am where God would have me to be

To "the bottom of myself and the beginning of Him"

So, as I head into 2015…

I go with Eucharisto

With "Thankfulness"

With knowing that surrendering all to Him empties me….

To His will for my life

And, so, that is my prayer for 2015…

"God's will be done"

Not in some things, but in all things

Not to some other people, but to me

Not in fear, but in faith

God's Will Be Done!

Blessings,

Lesa