If It’s Monday, It’s Mama… 

Thanks for coming home this weekend.  It was fun to spend time with you…take in a movie and generally be in your presence.  The tinkling of your laughter fills up our home when you are there….and, it brings smiles to our faces.

There are a few things I am grateful for this week with regards to you… 

One, you are working on being your “best you”.  I know you are not in love with that saying, but I am not sure how else to put it.  You are striving to grow in all ways…and, we can tell.   

You are working to be a Godly woman thus the Bible study, scripture search, worship and music you listen to.

You are working to be a good daughter, thus the acknowledgement…well somewhat acknowledgement of when you need to do things differently in order to be respectful.  Your willingness to make things right.  Your doing things honorably up front.

You are working to be a good sister, thus the conversations with your brothers.  You encourage them to think through their actions, make good decisions and wise choices.  I am humbled that you even are willing to share in your own mistakes.  God loves a humble heart and rewards integrity and honesty.

You are working to be a good student, thus the may hours of study for just one test.  The commitment to getting help when you need it.  The understanding that this IS important.

You are working to be a good friend, thus the attempt to continually support and encourage your friends, to be there in good times and bad.

You are working to be a good future wife, mother, daughter in law, thus the efforts to do all of the above… 

You are striving to be a wonderful Child of HIS…..giving over and over again your life to God.  I watch…I see your struggles with eyes and heart that only your God-given mother can see…and I am so humbled….so grateful…..that you are my daughter.  I see your strength as you pull from God’s love for you….

All God really wants is what you are striving to give….your whole heart….your love….

 All God asks is that we not grow weary….keep the faith….seek Him first.

 If I can see you doing these things…..

I can only imagine what beautiful treasures He sees in you….He who knit you so beautifully.

I love you….as only your Mama can….

Mama…

 

Of Special Note on this anniversary of Beth Morris’ birthday….I have to add this because I know if Beth were here, she would insist….I sincerely think Beth would be proud of her name-sake.  You have so many traits in common…your simple way of looking at things, your compassion for others, your boy-craziness (lol), your tender heart.  Beth, too, loved children and wanted a passel.  She loved pretty nails and colorful things.  Her prom dress was like a bouquet of flowers.  She laughed so hard she snorted just like you do.  But, most importantly…she loved.  She loved hard….she loved true.  She loved God….and she loved others.  And, while I don’t think I have ever shared your similarities too often before, because I wanted you to be you, not an image of Beth, as I watch you grow and mature, I see a lot of her in you….and, I know….she would be proud of you…and, she would remind you, “it’ll be alright”….and, to “turn that frown upside down…into a smile”.   She would adore you….as do I.

 

 

 

Meeting My Goal is not Without It’s Price 

When I turned fifty last March, I set a goal for myself.  I wanted to be as physically fit as I could be by my next birthday of fifty-one.  I thought it to be a lofty goal, and it has proven to be thus.  But, never did I imagine the price it would cost me if I truly want to succeed in fulfilling it. 

Having spent the first 28 years of my life extremely healthy, lean and exercise committed, I enjoyed a health which seemed natural to my body.  A lean 99 lbs. on my 5’2” frame was actually fairly simple to enjoy and I remained that weight successfully from around 18 until I gave birth to my first child at 28.  I distinctly remembering my Ob/GYN telling me that I would need to gain weight to give my baby food stores to live on during pregnancy and so, you guessed it, eating became my goal.  I did pretty well until month 7 when I became toxemic and gained 35lbs in 2 months.  And, as you can also guess, that weight did not come off easily post birth of my daughter.  I never did get back to my lean weight again.  My mistake.  The next five years included a history of attempting to get pregnant again through many different avenues, all of which sabotaged my ability to lose weight and my desire to fight the fight to regain health.  It did, however, present me with a “deposit in heaven” for which I am ever so grateful (baby Joseph) and a set of twins to capture my heart and add to my precious daughter. 

I say all of that to say this.  Never once during this season of my life did I give serious thought to the depths of “un health” I was allowing my body to “un-achieve”.  Sure, I knew I was not as lean and healthy as I used to be, but I was in denial of how seriously unhealthy I was allowing my overall health to decline. 

I regret this. 

Because now, at 50, it is no simple feat to regain the health I once had.  In fact, I am coming to realize, I cannot regain that same health in the same way.    

So, I am learning to set new goals more realistic to my current age and mind-set. 

I am learning the meaning of terms like lactic acidosis, muscle fatigue and cardio health.  I am learning these things because I have to go through them if I want to regain a healthy weight and health for my current body.

 

I am being reminded that if I ingest unhealthy foods into my body, there will be unhealthy consequences to my body later.  I am learning that if I “splurge” on things I once held dear (such as my beloved tea and chocolate), that I will feel the pain of ridding myself of that in my next workout which will hinder my ultimate goal of personal health. 

I am learning. 

I am learning. 

I am re-learning. 

There are not a lot of “new” things I am learning.  But, there are many renewed lessons of which I am being reminded as I head back to good health. 

Perhaps the greatest lesson is this… 

“You must find it in your heart to love yourself before you can find yourself worthy of investing in”

I have come to understand that this is no smallish lesson…It is almost as if we think the more we sacrifice our personal selves at the altar of “wife-ing”, childrearing, working, volunteering, the better the person/wife/mom/employee/volunteer we will be.  When, in actuality, it is the opposite of that which is true. 

The Bible speaks of so many instances of caring for ourselves….caring for our bodies, our temples, our souls, and even protecting our hearts. 

There is a reason for that…

You cannot realistically care for and serve others, as God would also call us to do, if you are unable to care for yourself.  It is as if you must role-model to yourself what you must live like so you can share with others.  Sure, you can do many things short-term….and, you will.  But, in the marathon of this life, if you hope to achieve anything long-term, you have to start with yourself and your own personal health – physically, emotionally, spiritually.

 

So, having spent some time re-learning to prioritize my personal self in a humble and realistic way, I am learning how to regain my physical health in a practical and meaningful way. 

It is not easy.  In fact, coming back into good overall health is probably one of the most difficult things I have ever had to do.  And, I have just started.  I still have a long journey to go….

But, this time is different. 

There is a strength of mind-set in a person when he/she knows that change will not occur unless and until you give over your thoughts to the only one who can ultimate bring about real change in your life. 

I prayed hard for God to provide a “paradigm shift” (old term, but still works) in my life to bring me to a season of mental strength, physical health, emotional well-being and spiritual maturity.  I still pray that prayer…”God heal and strengthen me so that I may serve you in healthy and realistic ways”.  Help eliminate those things in my life which will hinder me from my path to you and help me add those things which will bring about a healthy me who is better prepared to serve you.” 

And, He has. 

And, He is. 

Perhaps the most important lesson I have re-learned is this….if I prioritize my spiritual health, my time with Him, my commitment to His will for my life.  If I exercise my Bible study reps, my prayer Zumba, my worship BMI and my service kettle bells, then, maybe I will grow in a strength which enables all other areas of my body to become stronger, more powerful, more healthy. 

More able to endure. 

But, not just to endure.  But, to thrive. 

But, it comes with a price. 

Health, in any form, will not alight itself on my personhood without my seeking it.  It will not come to pass in my life without my personal hard work.  It will not continue unless I commit…

And, commit. 

And, commit. 

And, re-commit. 

And, so……I will.  And, I do. 

Blessings, 

Lesa

 

 

 

 

If It’s Monday, It’s Mom…

 

Finding JOY……”do it” 

You were a sick girl this weekend so you came “home” to rest and recover.  Working full time and going to school full time can be taxing on a girl, but you are doing it and are doing it well.  Ladder and I are proud of you.  Very proud.  It takes a strong and stoic person to do what you are doing…..and, lots of prayers. 

Ladder and I were talking about how we can always tell when you are home…..we enjoy the little reminders of your presence:  the golden ringlets of hair peeking out over the top of the couch as you watch tv, the blue scrubs laying in the laundry to be washed, the smell of angelic sweet perfume as we walk past your bedroom.  The speaker-phone conversations where we have to ask you to “turn it down”, the laughter between you and your brothers (I confess this is an experience which melts my heart….hearing your sweet sibling conversations).  I want you to remember this……they really do hear you.  I love listening to you share your past mistakes and successes.  You authentically share with them so that they will be able to learn from your experiences.  You may not think they hear you, but they do…..and, they love you….and, they are watching you.

 

This weekend was particularly sweet because we were able to witness you fulfilling one of your goals:  to pay off early your car loan.  What a privilege and honor to have witnessed your saving your earnings all these months for this big event.  Then, to watch you count out the cash you had been saving and make that final payment, was a blessing and moment of great pride.  You were so excited and we were excited with you.  Not many 22 year olds own their own car and made 100% of the payments in doing so.  What a great display of discipline and fortitude!  We are proud of you.  What a great example you have given your brothers.  They are proud of you! 

Now, it is my hope that you will continue to save this “car payment” amount and put it into savings so that the next time you need a car, you will have the cash to purchase it outright.  You can do it!!

 Life is all about little opportunities to “do it”.  You can either do positive things which will lead you to a happy, productive life or you can waste your “do it” opportunities on things which cause stumbling and failing.  Most of us live somewhere in the middle…and, I don’t know of a single soul who has it all figured out.  That is okay. 

It is between the desire to “do it” and the actual “doing it” that God can really help us.  When we set out our goals and dreams in front of HIM and ask for His direction, then we can have peace in knowing that He will lead us where it is best we go.  It took me a long time to figure that out.  I spent many years doing what I thought others in my life wanted me to do rather than relying on God’s direction.

Relying on anyone in your life rather than God will always lead to heartache and heartbreak.  But, relying on Him will enable you to handle anything which comes your way…so…

Give yourself over to Him….fully.   

And, in the giving over, you will ultimately find yourself and who you are meant to be….but, remember, it is a journey, one which will not end until you do…so, there will be hills and valleys….that is why God calls us to be joyful in all things.  If you can find joy even in the hardest of times, then when things are not hard, your joy will be unimaginable….

I have been praying for joy to be a significant part of your life….precious, peaceful, exciting joy…strong, enduring, captivating joy…. 

Joy through the hard times…

Joy through the good times…. 

Joy in thanksgiving for where you are….joy in anticipation of where you are going. 

Grateful joy. 

Silly joy. 

Unfettered joy…. 

I sincerely believe that if you can place your hand in His, your head on His shoulder and your faith in His heart….joy will be yours in all times….

And, in the finding of joy through all seasons, you will come to find purpose in your life…. 

Blessings,

ILYAOYMC,

Mama

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

If It’s Friday, Is a Bonafide Write From the Mama Lesa to Johnson

 

My son, Johnson…you was an early rizor…

Coming down to earth like a win prize fighter

Brother comes along and waitin' in the crib

Doctors said, “This one likes it just right where he iz”. 

I always dreamed a blondie would be my boy

Sure’ nuff you came…the real thing, no decoy

Snow white blond globe and real big hands

I knew some day you would really “be the man”. 

Nothing ‘bout you usual, everything a rapp

Words came to you early, you’re a wordsmith, ain't no sapp

Being born the baby, it is no easy task

But, you a great brother even if you did come last. 

From day one, you liked your time “under the lights”

Billirubin count made for lots of time to shine

The Grammy and the Mamaw holding you outside

Waiting for the day your body be all fine. 

Everything you did, you did real fast

Like you ‘fraid to miss something present till it in the past

You tole me early on, “Mom I be a baller”

I take the gym, the baseball field, heck I take the “holler”. 

You growing up so fast, you growing up so mighty

At times I be worried, you might grow up some flighty

But, just ‘bout the time, my soul would give away

Your heart steps in and then the grin…it be a Awesome day! 

I cannot begin to imagine, nor would I dare to try

A life without my golden haired who dresses pretty fly.

You keeps the beat of my Mama’s heart a mighty tripping thing

But, ultimately I know, you really love the King. 

From your very day one, we knew you/ your brother be so sweet

Two gifts at once, all arms and legs and lots and lots of feet

Two little hearts a beating, ten months all side by side

Almost more than a Mom and Dad and Big Sister can ‘abide. 

So here you are at seventeen, you racin’ life real keen

Sports, and friends and driving and even the date scene.

Some folks might be fooled by the tough exterior

But, not your Mam, that’s fo sure….cuz I know your interior. 

A heart as good as gold, a spirit built for living,

A mind as keen as anything, a body built from heaven.

The Master did real fine when He knit you in my womb

He had great plans for you….and, boy you ain’t no ‘foo. 

You’ll ready up yourself in all that needs in learnin’

You’ll grow great strength and courage and things to keep life churnin’

You’ll pick a Godly wife, have some babies might fine

And, I’ll always be so grateful, that God He make you mine. 

Now don’t be sniffling and boo hooing and cutting on some hanky…

No matter how big you get, I can always come with some spanky.

So, make good choices, focus hard on all that’s good and true.

And, all the blessin’s God has in store, will rapp along with you. 

 

 

Blessings,

Mama

 

 

If It's Wednesday, It is a Word from your Mama...to Kenton

If It’s Wednesday, It is a Word from your Mama….

 

“Great Heart, My Son Kenton”

 

Mama’s watch over their children.  You are no exception.  I watched you when you were first born by thirteen minutes before your brother.  They put you in an isolet and I awaited your cry….which did not come immediately.  Concerned, I asked the doctor what was wrong and he said, “he’s waiting…he knows his brother is yet to come.  Wait, once his brother is born, then he will cry.”  And, Dr. Hager was correct.  The minute your brother was born, you cried loud and clear. 

I watched you watch your brother in the isolet while we had to stay because he had jaundice so bad they had to put him under the “lights”.  Your little “trying-to-focus” eyes would search for him next to you.  It was a common occurrence for me to check on you both and you would have your thumb in your brother’s mouth like a pacifier and/or you would have an arm wrapped around him.  These things are truths about you…even as a newborn infant. 

I watched you do things “first” when we were expecting your more active and assertive brother to go first.  You were first to roll over, first to crawl and first to walk.  However, this was not expected because you were so quiet and calm.  It seemed as if your younger brother would do things ahead of you, but he did not. 

While I didn’t watch this happen, this event was relayed to me by your Dad….when you were five, the three of you (dad, brother and you) were at a basketball game.  Your brother was bouncing a basketball as large as was he and he was good!  You were playing several yards away.  A bigger kid (probably 6 or 7) walked over to your brother and tried to take the ball from him.  The big kid was winning until you…..you ran as fast as you can and tackled the big kid, causing him to drop the ball.  Your brother ran over, collected his ball, and started dribbling it again and you went back to your own play.  Like nothing happened.  Like that is what “big” brothers do, even if they are only big by 13 minutes.

There are so many times in your life where you calmly and carefully took control of situations with no fanfare or applause, quietly going about your business of playing and having fun!  I have many of them journaled in your “K” journal…..they are little treasured moments in my heart which I never want to forget. 

From an early age, your strong yet kind heart was evidenced by your behavior, actions and words.  Yours is a heart I prayed diligently for even before you were born….stoic, strong, kind, tender and Godly.

And, while at seventeen, it sometimes gets hidden behind a façade of “being cool” or surviving in a world of teenaged angst, there never is a moment I cannot see is shining through in your actions and behaviors, words and deeds. 

And, I am so very grateful. 

You have a very high sense of right and wrong, bad versus good, Godly versus sinful.  Does that mean you perfectly live as you should?  No, I think we both know better than that.  But, ultimately, at the end of the day, you seem to always revert to the great heart you are and are meant to be.

 Your sense of “fair play”, honest evaluation, taking time to get the bigger picture of individual is a joy to watch develop.  You have a heart which seems to want to “do right” and that speaks volumes.

You are just now “emerging” into the person God intends you to be and it is such a joy to watch.  You are figuring out who you are and what you stand for.  You ask good questions about hard issues in difficult circumstances. 

I don’t know how to word this, but I like watching your heart “at work”…..you make decisions which we are able to view and I am really touched by your sincerity and kindness.  You save hard for a car and yet will loan funds to a friend in need.  You do more than your share on projects, keeping gas in the car and helping me.

You speak sweetly of your “friend who is a girl” and seem to want to “guard” her while she is with you.  I would love to have your sister find a young man to date who is like you.

You are honest.  You tell me when you are angry, hurt and scared.  You are brave.  You hold my hand even in front of your friends and when I express concern, you say, “Mama, I will hold you hand if I want to..I don’t care what they think.”

You are able to focus on others and not live in the self-centered life so many teens do.

You are a forgiver.

You know how to apologize.   

We had a little “argument” the other day about the car and I was very angry at you because you blatantly disobeyed me.  In addition, you said some pretty cruel words to me.  I was crushed because this was not “you”.  But, I was so touched….you came to me, asked if we could talk and sincerely apologized.  You didn’t make excuses.  You simply took responsibility and apologized.  And then you hugged me….hard…..like a son who was truly sorry he had hurt his mother.

And, then…..you said, “Mama, let’s not ever fight again.  I cannot stand ever doing this again.  I don’t want to hurt you like that. Let’s let this be our first…and, our last.”

Makes me tear up just remembering….makes me grateful.

I believe God gives Mamas children to grow Mamas into the Godly women HE intends us to be.  Each beloved child brings to a Mama his/her own gifts, values, heart.  A wise Mama learns from her children much more than she ever can hope to teach them.

I am learning many things from you….most of them about the “heart”….

Blessings, 

Mama

 

 

If It’s Monday, It’s Mama (on time this week) 

Good Morning, Sweet Daughter…. 

It was good to have you home this weekend, to tell you jokes and laugh, to hear you sweetly breathing in your room, to watch you count your savings and make plans for how to spend it, to listen as you tell me about some of your future plans….sweetness all wrapped up in you. 

You are growing…. 

I see growth and maturity in you in so many areas and it makes me proud of you and for you.  I see a growing positivity in your attitude and demeanor.  Where I used to see a “who cares” mentality, or “life sucks” view, I now see a “I care” and a “life is what I make it attitude”. 

I see an appreciation for the life God has given you, an acceptance of mistakes you have made, a repentance and turning away from that life and a growth into a healthier and more committed to God existence. 

I see forgiveness in your heart toward others and boundaries in your decisions on how to live with some.   

I see focus.  Setting goals and accomplishing them.  Graduation in 2014, plans for trips to foreign countries, possible adoption. 

But, most importantly, I see you reaching out to God for direction in all of the above…. 

Do you have it all perfectly figured out?  Oh no, and that is okay.  I am 50 and I still do not.  Grammy and Poppy are in their 70s and they would tell you that even they do not. 

But, the foundation you are building for your life is healing and growing and  becoming stronger each and every day. 

I know there are still areas in your life with which you struggle. They are seen in your facebook posts, your blogs and your words, but even in those, I see maturity….a growing faith that God will guide you in even these things. 

I can make very few promises to you, even as your Mother.  But, there is one promise I can assure you will come to pass… 

When you give your heart, your life, your soul over to God, when you place it in His hands under all circumstances and at all times, then you will have the best life you can possibly have.  Does that mean it will be stress free?  Heartache free? Painless?  Only joy-filled?   

Oh no….it does not mean that at all. 

What it does mean that you will have a life which you will be grateful to have lived…..the one God has for you.

I love it when I get up in the morning from a night when you have worked from 6 pm until 7 am.  Obviously, you have been reading your Bible, because your facebook is filled with Bible verses (and, an occasional quote about men)  LOL.

Precious in His sight are those who study His word. 

I told Ian that you absolutely melted my heart this weekend when you were so overjoyed at finding your favorite, long-lost pink Bible we had bought for you.  I know God had to smile real big at your excitement!  And, it was a privilege to join Him!! 

What a joy and what a blessing for a parent to watch a child grow in Him…..these moments are little treasures a mother carries in her heart forever. 

I love that even with all you have been through, your image of God as a kind and loving Father has remained intact.  To me, that is evidence of a humble heart. 

I pray God bless and bless you in your life with just exactly what you need to live the life God planned for you even before He knit you in my womb.

I pray you continue to build a strong foundation in Him. 

I pray God blanket you with His protection from things which would harm you and lavish you with things which will encourage, inspire and draw you closer to Him. 

Keep seeking God with all of your Heart! 

For HE will never disappoint and will always be your greatest blessing.   

ILYAOYMC,

 Mama

 

Sometimes, You Cannot Do It Alone…

 I am excited.  For a gift to me, Ian has hired a trainer to work with me on my daily lifestyle.  I don’t want to say diet, because I don’t want to diet.  I want to be healthy not live according to a diet plan and I want to do this every day for the rest of my life, not just during a season of dieting.

While I want to lose weight, what I really want more is to be lean and healthy in all ways…physically, mentally and spiritually.  I have the “want to”.  I have the growing discipline.  What I don’t have is the full discipline and the full know how.  Thus, the trainer.

In my initial meeting, I told one of the trainers, “I don’t want to become some fitness beast who is so obsessed with their own physical fitness that all else in their live takes a back seat.  What I want is common sense fitness to grow my body into a healthy form so that I am better able to serve others and to be my best self.”

I believe that our bodies are vessels given to us by God and  the better we care for them, the better able we are to do the work we are called to do.  Thus, having a healthy one, is vital to our lives.

There are obstacles I have in my path to fitness.  Some are very clear to me.  Some are just ideals.  Some are not yet known but will become known as I work toward the direction of better  health.  Ultimately, all of it will require work.

And, truth.

To make a change in any facet of our lives, you have to begin with a foundation of truth. 

As I told my trainer….the image I see in my mirror does not match the image in my heart.  How can we reconcile those two?

She laughed….and, then was serious.

“Sometimes, you cannot.”

I cannot??  Then, why am I here??

Very kindly but very definitively, she said, “sometimes…..you have to let go of the old image and paint a new one.”

She explained, “sometimes in life, when you base your future on what you have seen or done in the past, the image is skewed….and, no matter how hard you try to erase or change the old image, you cannot do it.”  “Sometimes, it is better to paint a new one.  Truly laying down past thoughts and ideas about yourself and growing new, different thoughts.”

It’s like being “re-drawn”.

So, I looked hard at my trainer and said, “please explain yourself.”

And, so she did.  And, it made sense.

And, I saw truth in what she said mainly because she said true change begins with truth with yourself.  That is a “truth” on which both she and I can agree.

She said those who do the best on becoming healthy are those who learn to be firmly honest with themselves.  Honest about where they are currently and honest about how hard they are willing to work to get to where they need to be for a healthy body.

She said “all health begins with full truth”.

But, that is the easiest part.  She said most people can admit that they are unhealthy, unfit, undisciplined.  Some, in fact, brag that they know they are this way and that they will just have to live with themselves because there is nothing they can do to change it.  In the name of “self-acceptance”, they will just have to accept their unhealthy bodies and minds and so will others around them.

They would be wrong.

She said a certain few get past their surface truth, and to the core truth in their lives and make changes which forever impact their lives in a healthy and positive way.

They paint a new picture of themselves.

I am a pretty down-to-earth kind of girl, but this makes sense to me. 

So, part of my goal in working with a trainer is having them assist me in painting a new picture.

Of myself.

One which is truthful in where I am, honest in where I want to be and can be and one which is committed…moment by moment…to being the best self I can be.

And, maybe in doing so, I will get more fit….in all ways.

Bring on the “trainer”…..not just with my physical health but in all aspects of my life.

Oh wait....HE's been there all along.....bring on a better "student" in me!

Blessings,

Lesa

 

 

 

If It Is Friday, It is Monday plus four days….

Okay, so this has been a crazy, busy time at our home these past few weeks.  Thus, the lateness of this week’s “letter” to you.  Ladder and I have been discussing my weekly note to you and he would like to join me on occasion, if that is permissible….

This week, Ladder wanted to bless you with scripture….from Him:

“Let us not become weary in doing good, for at the proper time we will reap a harvest if we do not give up.”  Galatians 6:9

“Madison, I believe this verse has many applications.  Spiritually, if we keep doing what God asks us, we will reap eternal life and will lead others to Him.  If applied personally, this verse means if we do good and work hard in school, we reap good grades, an education and a secure and productive career.  In dating, if you keep yourself pure and good and God-centered and moral and look for Godly men, you will reap a husband who will love you as Christ loves the church.  You do not ever want another type of love…for all others will be hollow and empty in comparison.  If you do this, you will find a mate who will truly “love you more than all the sunrises in the East and sunsets in the West.  And, this is my prayer for you.

As you make friends, always treat them as you want them to treat you, and as God calls us to treat one another, and, you will reap true and real lifelong friendships.  So whatever you do in life, when times are tough, or you are tempted, remember…always do good and never give up because in that, you will find God and His promises.

Look not to your mother or me or any human for your example to follow….for following a human, even those who love you deeply and securely as your Mama and I do, will lead you to disappointment.  Follow God in how you live your life….and you do that by knowing HIM through His word…..

Always look at your Bible as a true “love letter” to you from God…because it is.

I could not love you more if you were my own flesh and blood daughter and want you to know that I will always stand before you, behind you and beside you as you walk through this world.  But, God is your true Father and He is the one who will lead you to the beautiful life He has in store for you.

I love you, Snicklebritches,

I am blessed to be your Ladder…it is an unexpected but much beloved gift.”

Ian

 

Closure.....September 7, 2012

Closure....

September 7, 1985 - May 2, 2011
9,369 days or 25 years, 7 months, 26 days

If It’s Monday, It’s Mama (written on Thursday….now I understand why the delay) 

To my Sweet Madison Elizabeth Jewel…… 

Since Monday was Labor Day, I vacationed from writing.  But, on Tuesday, I had no words.  Wednesday was no different.  As you know sweet daughter that is unusual, even for me….(said with a smile).

Now I know why. 

Rather than focus on all the happenings in your life these past few days (car, flood, school), I want to let you know something about you…

You are growing.

You are maturing.

You are walking closer to God. 

It is evident in how you are learning to handle things. 

You said to me almost a year ago to the day, “Mama….you know…when you can have peace and quiet and calm in your life, you can give better thought to how you are going to handle things and you make better decisions”.  (actually, you were a little more blunt than that about how differently our lives were).

 At the time, if you remember, I cried. 

You didn’t say those words to help me, but they did. 

In a sea of anguish, your words inadvertently let me know the hard decisions I had made had, in fact, led you to a place where you could have calm and peace and quiet….a place where better decision-making could be made.  Please forgive me for not taking that path earlier in your life.  Please forgive me for allowing you to get to that wrong path to start out with…and, I know you do. 

And so, here you are today…. 

I am not certain why some people have a few more hurdles in life to handle than do others. 

But, in this I am very confident.  Your ability to understand and have perspective on your life is something of which I am very proud.  You understand that so many suffer….hurt…..have sorrow in ways which are beyond our ability to imagine. 

I understand you are working on outwardly expressing less and inwardly focusing more…..you are a youthful 22.  But, I am grateful for the steps you are taking to “take charge” of your life and work through your past so that your future will be one which gives God all the glory. 

I know with my Mother’s heart, if you will continue to lean on HIM, HE will show you your path for your life…..and, He is even now.

I pray daily that all that you have learned in your 22 years, you will be able to use to serve others.

 I have changed the way I pray for you…. 

Now, I pray for God to gift you with a joyful, calm and peaceful life.  That HE protect you from harm and that He lead you to Godly decisions.  That God give you the discernment to make wise and thoughtful choices.  That he will remove road-blocks in your path. 

I pray that from the top of your blonde head to the bottom of your little stinky feet, that God will BLESS your life immeasurably…. 

That you will throw your heart and soul into living for Him and that He will protect your soul so that you can.

I pray for boldness…..the ability to decline sinful behavior.   

Mostly, I pray in thanksgiving….that of all of the babies in the entire universe, for some reason I will never fully understand, He has given you to me.  Your mama….mother….friend.   Not a day goes by that I don’t give thanks to Him for you… 

I ask that you take a few minutes to read Psalm 51…… 

God’s greatest gift to us is to love us unconditionally….all the time…in all ways. 

Our gift in return is to love ourselves…the vessel He has made us to be and to share that love with others giving credit to God so that others may come to WANT to know Him because they have met us.

I leave you with this Mother’s blessing…..I pray, starting this very moment, that God protect you from harm, lead you to wise-thought and forever help you to fully understand what a precious Jewel you are to Him….to me….to us.

ILYAOYMC,

Mama

 

 

 

 

 

The Little Details….Evidence that “Love really does Live Here”

It is always such that when my children are away from me for extended periods, which is a rare occurrence, my thoughts give sway to the little details I miss when they surround me.  I am not certain why that happens….maybe that is God’s way of breathing life back into a Mom’s life to refresh and renew her for the times when child and Mom are together. Perhaps it is for her to re-grow a GRATEFUL heart for these gifts God has given her.

This focusing on the little details does not happen all of a sudden, the minute the children leave..bustling out the door, overnight bags in hand, quick goodbyes and brief hugs given…in daughter’s case an “I love you…work hard” or “have fun” as she heads out to work or on a date.

It happens quietly mostly.

As I lay in bed, it comes in the non-noise of the house, where little IPods normally would play in the morning or in the non-singing in the shower as children are not here to get ready for the next event in their life.

Doors to bedrooms normally closed, almost shut, are wide-mouth opened as if to shout…they are not here today…they are off on a grand adventure!

I notice things not more, but differently, when my children are not warming the heart of our home…and, it is in the littlest of ways that I know they are off..

I hear the birds at our window singing as if to keep me company in the absence of children’s speak.

I peek out windows and see leaves on ledges, evidence of the coming of Fall and reminding me of once-little hands which drew and hung leaves in our kitchen…a Fall art project.

I walk past daughter’s room and see evidence of her college life in the books and homework laying on the bed which is mingled with the blue of medical uniforms awaiting laundering and the smell of the sweet scent which is reminiscent of a walk down a peach grove in Georgia.  My daughter’s room is like opening a treasure box of all the things which matter to her in life….blanketed around her space like a bracelet around her heart.

I walk softly and barefoot down the hall to my oldest-by-thirteen minutes- son to find a neat and tidy abode with posters no mother really appreciates but allows as his expression of free speech.  This son is a worker as evidenced by golden arch uniforms and he is a lover of books of which there are many.  Locked up boxes and treasure chests from his youth are given places of honor among the adult wallet, phone chargers and favorite photo of our beloved family dog.  It is a man-child room with equal blending of manly necessities and childish treasures. 

Finally, at the end of the hall I walk to my youngest-by-thirteen minutes-son’s room.  Neatness and tidiness is not his goal as is evidenced by a room whose inhabitant flys in and out of it in a fast and furious flurry.  Sports gear is all thrown to one side, date night clothing sport a spot on the desk.  Books are not so abundant but treasures are.  Notes to and from a girlfriend, rocks collected as a little boy, wet stone given to remind him of a recent service adventure to Whetstone Boys Camp.  Bed clothes barely mussed, clothes hardly hung, clearly this son spends many hours elsewhere in the house but it holds a warmth and manly scent of a boy becoming a man which lingers out his door and down the hall.

And, in those little moments when my prayers for my children flows through their hallway and upon their room, I pause in gratefulness.  They are not perfect children, but they are mine. 

Is this, I ask myself in the quiet, how God feels about us?

It is a gift I do not take in even the slightest, lightest fashion.

I like to think I know them well.  I pray I know them some.

Mothering a child is a humble occupation.  Whether you stay at home with your babies or work outside the home, I am not sure it matters.  What matters is that you live in authenticity and truth with them.

You can only do that if you hold their hand and walk with God.

You can only do that if you personally are walking with God.

It is the one thing a mother can do which will make all the difference to her children.  Walk….constantly, consistently and whole-heartedly with God.

I am growing past the stage of needing to constantly remind myself and everyone around me that YES, I know that I have failed in this endeavor many times.  That, no, not even in the slightest measure, have I been the perfect mother.  It is no longer my goal. Now, my goal is to be honest with my children about my imperfections and point them to Him who is perfect….but greater still, who does not expect in them perfection, but rather in glorifying. Him.

So, on this Sunday, as my children spend time away from me, I am grateful.

That God would so find it in his heart to entrust me with such a treasure….

I am humbled beyond measure.

I am grateful beyond words.

And, I pray that never do I take lightly this gift of Motherhood….

That all of the little details HE sets in our home to remind me of what a blessing I have been given, are etched upon my heart in such a way as to carry me through when life would ask that I forget…

What great treasures I have been given….

Blessings,

Lesa