Our boys and several of their friends participated in “FROM” this weekend. FROM, for those of us who didn’t have one when we were in high school, is Freshman Prom. I confess to some anxiety over FROM…the expense, the dedicated time to shop for tuxes, the flowers, the ballgame right before, the photo session, LIMO or no LIMO?, the post FROM party, the late…or should I say early am hours…I am 49 and don’t function as well at 1 am as I used to. The ability to get up to make it to church the next…well, the same day.
I think even more worrisome is the “after” stuff which comes after FROM…the parties. Parties to homes of kids I don’t know, parents I don’t know at locations I am unfamiliar with. At our house, you go nowhere unless we know the parents, know the location, have confidence the parent is going to be there, have confidence the parent is not only going to be present, but will have control over the situation. A call and/or visit to the parent’s is made. And, tonight’s party did not meet with any of those criteria…thus, I got to be the mean mom and say “no”. Thankfully, I was not alone in that…the other parents of my boys friends felt the same way…so, we were a united front (Thank God for Kim/Mark, Kris/Todd, Jamie, etc.)
I didn’t party when I was in high school. I didn’t feel the desire to party…didn’t want the possibility of problems which can come with parties, didn’t want to have to ask my parents to go to a party. So, I have to work hard to “give permission” to my much more social children who are not like their mother.
I believe that it is okay that my children are not like me….it is not bad…their desire to want to go have fun…it is just that having fun has its limits…needs it boundaries….
My parents had a philosophy…”I will trust you as long as you do not give me a reason not to”……..so, that is what I try to do with my children. I can tell you…much simpler it is to raise them when they were in elementary school and in middle school…..much more difficult it is when they get to the age where self-thought enters their decision making. It is a humbling time for a parent.
The confidence you have in the teachings you have given your children as youngsters is stretched as they grow into adulthood….all the teachings you have given them since birth are called upon to get them through this period of life. No parenting is perfect…and, frankly, my children’s has some flaws which we see evidence of daily, but they have been taught right versus wrong, they do know to put Christ as their center, they do know the right thing to do….it is becoming increasingly vital that they do what they know to do….
We talk about this a lot.
We talk about my and their Dad’s parenting failures.
We talk about how they will be parented moving forward.
It is a humbling time.
We talk about the need for trust, respect, and faith that if they are told “no” to something that it is because as parents, we can see danger where they are youth, cannot.
We talk about fun versus danger.
We discuss the desire to say “yes” as often as we can…..but, balance it with “no” which is to be respected.
Will they obey perfectly?
No.
Do I obey perfectly?
No.
What I do believe is that I have three children who have great hearts…who have been through much…but, who are survivors….
I believe that their journey these past 21 years and 16 years is not in vain….some of the lessons they have learned will be used to serve others…..to make the place around them better…
I believe that they are not “finished” products….and, I am grateful for those adults around them who love them, care for them, believe in them and see the good in them. I am grateful for the Dads and Moms who reach out to my children, who provide safe havens in which they can play and grow. To their grandparents who love them….just love them….
I am increasingly grateful for those of our friends who “adopt” my children as their own. Who tow them to events, feed them, discipline them and genuinely Love them. The Coach Johnny’s and Ms. Coach Jane, to “second Mom Melissa” and “Mrs. Kim”….to cheerleader Leslie and Mr. Steven. To Fannie…to Ms. Kris and Mr. Todd. To neighbor/friend Mrs. Laura. And, the list could go on and on…..
I am especially touched by those of my friends who see the good in my children….who stand beside them when I cannot….who hold them accountable and who take time to listen to them.
I could not nor would I want to travel this journey with you……and, I am glad we don’t have to…
You assist in teaching my children that live can be fun….that FROMs can be a great experience….that you/we are willing to work together to give our children opportunities for “good, clean fun”….
With your help, we teach our children the need to serve and be authentic….the need to balance living for self with living with other’s needs in mind…that there is more to life than playing and more to fun than being silly.
Last night was such an experience….
No party.
But, lots of fun.
Instead, late night/early am trips to Taco Bell, lots of laughter and conversation around the TV, XBOX and in the family room.
It was a night of “good, clean fun”…….
Blessings,
Lesa
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