It Was a Sweet Day....Just in time for Valentine's

It was a sweet day. 

Just in time for Valentine’s….

Partially because I have initiated the steps for a new journey in my life…time will tell.

But, mostly because I was able to spend the day with one of my most favorite young women in the world.

Madison.

My little sweet pea is growing up.

For a young lady who has been through much in her short life, she is walking through the “stuff” and I am proud of her. 

She has not done this on her own….and, it shows.

When I walked into her dorm room today to wait for her as she took a test in one of her classes, I was greeted with many reminders of who is #1 in her life.

I cannot express how touched I was with the words scattered around her room.  Truth be told, her former  roommate Sara (who has gone to join our military) probably placed most of them in the room, I saw only a few in Madison’s handwriting.  But, Madison kept them in their place…and, I know from talking with her, she left them on purpose and in hopes that if she would be faithful in the small things, God would be with her in all things.

None of my children is perfect. 

But, neither is their mother.

What I do love about each of them is that they are real and authentic.

And, I believe in my mother’s heart that they do love the Lord.  I believe that because I ask them at times if they do….I want them to think about it.  Often. 

Living for Him is more of a challenge….life is tough in the best of circumstances.  So, seeing my daughter’s room blanketed in Bible verses and prayers was very touching…and, it gave me hope and joy.

Hope that He will be with her every moment of the day and that she will recognize that presence.

Joy in knowing that God is faithful to answer prayers – my biggest one of which is that He continually put Godly people in her life to love her and remind her ultimately to whom she belongs.

Further sweet to me was watching Madison participate with her peers in her classroom setting.  It was fun to sit in a room where I had sat some 28 years ago and watch her interact with her peers.  Fun to see her learning and sharing and laughing.  Joyful to see her participate in a mature yet silly way on a fun and silly project.

Sweet as well was walking down the same paths on campus I had walked may years before…thinking I had it figured out and now knowing I didn’t, nor does she.

We did the lunch thing and shared.

We did the Mama/daughter thing and shared.

We did the silly girl thing and snapped photos of ourselves in the car outside of her dorm room.  The things I let her talk me into doing is funny.

She talked mature.  She talked of boys.  She spoke of classwork.  She mentioned CRU (a Bible study) and her need to get in the groove this semester.

But, interwoven between all of that woman was the little girl I carried home in my arms almost 22 years ago…

her – baby girl                       me – Mommy

She just melted my heart.  And, I cannot express how grateful I am to God for my little sweet pea. 

That God would choose to bless me with such a daughter is one of my greatest joys and gifts….and, days like today are made doubly sweet by being in her presence.

So, we kissed goodbye and I turned my head to see her walk away from the car…one last glimpse of one of the greatest gifts I have ever been given.

Madison Elizabeth Jewel

All wrapped up in a sweet, pink bow and given to me..by Him.

I am eternally grateful.

Blessings,

Lesa

I Was Privileged to Attend "The Faces of Substance Abuse"

I was privileged recently to attend a conference entitled, “The Faces of Substance Abuse” which is a workshop for professionals and Partnering Agencies who work to combat drug/substance abuse.  I am new to this environment, being a newly hired employee for Scott Countians Against Drugs a/k/a SCAD and my mind is blown with all that I am learning….and from WHOM I am learning...

I heard speakers from all over Kentucky and even Florida discuss how insidious the drug abuse problem is in our nation.  I heard seasoned professionals give out statistics.   I heard Attorneys discuss legal remedies.  I heard Physicians discuss medical helps.  I heard a former/recovering addict share his life’s journey through drug abuse and back.  Each was amazing and powerful.

BUT, what impressed me the most was a presentation given by a bunch of youth from “38 Kids and Counting:  Building a Successful Youth Program” from Henry County, Kentucky.

While the adult-provided information was excellent, well presented and factual, it was these ten or so young adults who gave me hope.  They were articulate in HOW they presented their information on combatting drug abuse among their peers but more importantly,

Their message was powerful…

Here is what I learned from these young people:

1)      Don’t try to win the war against drug abuse, try to win mini battles right in your own back yard

2)      When you deal with something invisible (drug abuse is generally hidden), you have to make it visible

3)      Let your peers see that is a privilege and honor to be a part of the Army against drug abuse rather than giving in to those who would tell you it is more fun to be a user

4)      Created programs in response to actual needs of your community rather than what a committee of activists come up with – ask the hard questions

5)      Be willing to be self-critical and to accept criticism from others and use that knowledge to improve your program

6)      Planning always equals fair division of labor, implementation and follow through and dedication of members

7)      Never give up and always look up

8)      Don’t look down on them because of their youth; youth has insight which age cannot have; age has wisdom which can helpfully guide youth; together, they can be a powerful coalition

One later likened the war against drugs to the war against sin…it will always be with us – and, all we can do is each commit to do our part, one person at a time, on life at a time, my soul at a time.

She took the same eight principles above and changed the focus from combatting drugs to that of combatting sin.

Amazingly, they all applied.

This from a young person too young to have committed very many “baddies” in her life….

I left their presentation with a greater understanding of the seriousness of drugs in our schools and small communities, a greater sense of urgency as an adult to do my part and a greater perspective of hope in our future leaders.

These young adults did not get paid for their heavy involvement in their communities, they did not get a grade to be reflected on their GPA status nor did they get accolades for their commitment to teaching their peers why not to do drugs.  What they did get was the personal satisfaction of CARING about something greater than themselves.....a "mind-blowing" concept.

They care about their own bodies, minds and spirits

They care about their friends, family and teammates

They care about their school, church and activities

They care about their community

And, in that caring, they find the self-awareness, self-confidence, self-commitment it takes to choose to take the path of saying No to drugs which are the Anti-Care of life.

They said when the “care” is planted back into the hearts of people; the ability to say NO will grow and thrive.

And, perhaps most powerfully, they said care is a gift which each person can give to another person..

Which means we can all chooses to Care…

We can all choose to "share our care"

C A R E….a mind-blowing concept, starting with each of us.

So, as they said, “Let’s do!”

C A R E

Blessings,

Lesa

True Faced

“Remember humbly admitting to God who you really were?  Right about then you met Jesus.”  “God can’t help us until we trust Him with who we really are.”

                                                                        ~True Faced by Thrall, McNicol & Lynch

I sat across the dinner table from some very dear friends this weekend catching up on their lives and catching them up on mine.  It was a tender time….

We discussed so many things…ourselves, our children, work, church, common friends, life in general.

My friends have had pain in their lives…along with great joy.  They have felt acceptance and they have felt rejection.  They have felt loved and they have felt mis-understood.  They have felt the tender compassion of friendship and they have felt the strong whip of judgment.

And, all of this had changed them.

They were different.

Tender.

I am told that the eyes are the window to the soul of a person.  My friends eyes were rich in love, compassion, hurt, and forgiveness…

Their hands, which lay on my dining table were the hands of mighty warriors battling humble.

Their words were soft and gentle.

Life had dealt them blows.

Life had broken their hearts.

As the wife said, “My Tigger was dead” (as in Winnie the Pooh)

But life had not won.

Their eyes lit up as they leaned into one another and committed….

When we gave over our full selves to God and let Him be our rudder, our lives became valuable.

When we looked at ourselves long in the mirror…really looked..

Through tear-filled eyes

And admitted to God who we really were…

We became healed.

Whole.

Forgiven.

When we said to God…”here I am…just as I am…lowly that I am…broken that I am…sinner that I am…
 

When we trusted God…our maker and creator…with our REAL selves…

When we gave over to God our ugly selves

When we stopped the pretense of having it all together and admitted we had nothing together

When we revealed our broken places to ourselves

And our families

And our church

THAT is when we met Jesus.

And, that is when we started living.

Now, these are people who I have always felt were real and authentic.  These are people who were pretty quick to share their broken places.  I never sensed any pretense or farce in their lives.

These are two precious souls who had some tough things thrown at them in life and readily shared.

These are a brother and sister who had called upon their friends to pray.

They were noble warriors…ones who shared their battles and knew God was required in their lives or their lives would not be livable.

So, to hear them say that through all of that they had not fully admitted who they really were and given themselves over to God was pretty humbling.

How does one go about doing that?

How do you know when you have done so?

I asked.

And, he said

“it is a journey you work on every day, but, you know you are on the right path when you refuse to look at the lives of others in judgment and focus instead of God’s plan for your own life.”

“when you are able to love others without condemnation”

“when you are able to understand that God is working on those around you just as He is working on you and in that, you should just love.”

“Lesa….God just calls us to love one another”

Which, after many years of soul searching,

I have come to accept as well.

Do we turn our heads away from the sins of life? No

I don’t think so.

I personally think that there is a place and time for friends, churches, brothers and sisters to lovingly and pointedly turn others to the Word for direction.

I have done that in my 49 years.  I have received that in my 49 years.

But, ultimately, at the end of the day, even that is to be done with love and compassion and stout standing for God’s Word.

We discussed the lineage of Jesus, the friendships of Jesus, the brothers and sisters of Jesus..

Saying that they were an imperfect lot would be an understatement.  Every commandment, every law and every rule for life has been broken by those whom Jesus loves.

Is that “okay” with Him? No

I heard at church this past Sunday a teacher declare..

God weeps in anguish for our sinfulness.  In Jeremiah, God describes the great lengths He will go to to punish the rebellious of heart…”uprooting them from their lands.” 

He pulls them away from all which is familiar and tears them from the ground of their sinfulness…and, He allows them to suffer for their misdeeds…

But, He then says,

“But after I uproot them, I will again have compassion and will bring each of them their own inheritance and their own country.  And, if they learn well the ways of “my” people and swear by my name saying, “as surely as the Lord lives”, even as they once taught my people to swear by Baal – THEN they will be established among my people.”

He had compassion…a feeling of deep sympathy and sorrow for another who is stricken by misfortune, accompanied by a strong desire to alleviate the suffering.

And, gratefully, HE has the ability to alleviate it.

So, my friends and I discussed this thought..

What if….

What if rather than keeping our distance from those who sin…which is all of us…what if we just had compassion and love for them and let God do the judging?

God knows the whole story of a person’s life.  He knows the truths and the lies.  He knows the sin and the repentance.

So, What if….

What if we let HIM handle the “stuff” and we just loved?

All of us at my table agreed…that would free each of us up to be REAL…and, how much simpler would life be if we could be real with one another?

How freeing would it be not to just “mouth” the words but to actually live them?

Would life’s messiness be exposed?  Oh yes

Would it make us uncomfortable?  Yes, yes

Would it be painful to watch, to experience?  Yes again

But, what if, by doing so, we were able to become real…living in our skin right for all to see?

Could it be lovely? Yes

Could it be marvelous? Yes

Could it be freeing?  Yes

Would it be Godly?  I think so

Do we have to drown one another with our folly?  No.  That would take us away from God’s work in our lives.  But, I do think, when those opportunities arise to be compassionate with one another to the point of allowing and encouraging “real-ness”, that we should give ourselves to that.

And, in doing so, believe we will become the Real selves God intended us to be.

And, in the so doing, met Jesus….like I did at my dinner table with my beloved friends.

Blessings,

Lesa

Why does God step out from behind veils and make His face blindingly known?

Because He loves us so…

(excerpted from A Holy Experience 1/9/12)

A Time For Everything

A Time for Everything

There is a time for everything and a season for every activity under the heavens.

A time to be born and a time to die,

A time to plant and a time to uproot,

A time to tear down and a time to build,

A time to weep and a time to laugh,

A time to mourn and a time to dance,

A time to scatter stones and a time to gather them,

A time to embrace and a time to refrain from embracing

A time to search and a time to give up

A time to keep and a time to throw away

A time to tear and a time to mend

A time to be silent and a time to speak

A time to love and a time to hate

A time for war and a time for peace

…..I know that there is nothing better for people than to be happy and to do good while they live.  …that each of them may eat and drink and find satisfaction in their toil – that is the Gift of God.”

Ecclesiastes 3:1-15

My Very Sweet and Precious Mother

My very sweet and precious Mother gave her “babies” (all 28 of them) a bookmark with a photo of her and my Daddy on the face of it.  In her own handwriting she wrote:

2011

John

13:34-35

We Love You!

Mama & Dad

This particular passage reads:

“A New command I give you:  Love one another.  As I have loved you, so you must love one another.  By this everyone will know that you are my disciples (children), if you love one another.”

I feel in total union with my Mother at this time in my life and believe I fully understand her heart’s desire…Mama knows the innermost workings of my heart, and I think I know hers….

To have EVERY one of her children, grandchildren, family and friends love one another.

Just to love.

Simply love.

Only love.

Mama understands that life is short….

She understands that family is all that matters.

And, that family encompasses many people.

Her babies through physical birth, her babies through God’s special gifting, her babies through adoption, her babies through friendships and through church family. 

She could not love any of us one single bit more because the love she has for each of us is total love…unconditional love…accepting love…encouraging love.

She loves us when we are arrogant, ugly, bitter, angry, mean-spirited and sinful.

She loves us when we are humble, sweet, kind, tender and Godly.

But, Mama is the utmost happiest and most joyful when her babies do the same as she emulates.

Love…

As God calls us to…

“and yet I will show you the MOST EXCELLENT way…if I have faith that can move mountains but do not have love, I am nothing….If I give all I possess to the poor and give over my body to hardship that I may boast but do not have love, I gain nothing.

LOVE IS…

Patient

Kind

Un-envious

Honorable

Selfless

Not easily angered

Forgiving

Delights in Godly ways

Rejoices in truth

LOVE ALWAYS

Protects

Trusts

Hopes

Perseveres.

Love never fails.

I think of all the gifts we can give my Mama, to love one another is truly the one she cherishes most…

Love when it is easy and when it is not.

Love which is true and freely given.

And, I believe that we, her children, want not only to give her that gift from us, but to one another. 

It is something we can do.

Not just for our Mother, but for our Mother who knows that our love for one another…family, friends, and others is a direct reflection of our love for Christ.

And, we all can tell you, the only one Mama loves more than her husband and babies and friends is the author of love…

God

Who so desires us to love one another that he not only asks us to, but He commands we do…

So that when others look upon us

They see

Him.

We can all do that….

Blessings,

Lesa

Papaw Perry....

If you go to the homes of each of my nieces and nephews and to the bedrooms of each of my own children, you will find the words above….all written in the hand of their Grandmother, on the khaki pants of their Great-grandfather (literally) .

These words are particularly poignant because my Grandfather did not have a high school education… if memory serves me, I believe he left formal schooling around the age of 13…not necessarily by choice, but by need.

And yet, he grew from that little 13 year old boy into a successful farmer and wise and Godly man.

Papaw knew the value of a good formal education because his own was cut short.  Too short. And not really by his choosing.

And, in that cutting, grew a deep desire to have “his own” receive what he did not.

But, as important as I believe “schooling” was to my Papaw Perry, I believe he wanted his family to grow in faith more.

And not just a little, obligated, stingy faith, but a large, committed and deep-rooted faith.  A faith which comes from study and work and good thinking.

Papaw had a hard, extended, long reaching work ethic.  His mornings started early when most people are still numb in sleep.  And, if you were “his” your worth ethic had better measure up…

Papaw was a farmer…A wheat harvester…A custom combiner

A man of the earth….starting from nothing and growing it big.

My image of my Papaw was that everything about him was “Big”…he was big, his hands were big, his words were big and booming.

His desire to tease me was big.

He teased me about boyfriends, about kissing boys, about marrying boys.

He teased me so much that around the age of kindergarten, I told him “Granny can come back to visit but that he had better stay home.”. And, trust me, he never let me forget it!

I can still hear his big, happy laughter as I said those words…

And, likewise, I still cherish his kind and soft whispered words to me that he was sorry if he teased me too much and that he hoped I would let him come see me again.  He melted my heart….in the way only a beloved Papaw can.

I confess that I don’t rightly remember my Papaw saying the “what you put between your ears only God can take away”  words directly to me, but my Mama did.  It was often that she reminded me to go to school…stay in school….love school because that was the one thing no one could take away from me.

I think, as well, it was not just formal education that Papaw was talking about, it was growing in life.  Mama also said often to me, “when you stop growing, you start dying” and I can see at 49 that this is true.

Growing is important.

Growing in all ways….spiritually, emotionally, socially, physically…

If you are growing toward something, then you are using yourself to move forward, think forward, live forward.

And, that is good.

The more you are growing, the more you are able to see the wrongness of wrong and rightness of right…

Growing as you age engages your heart to realize that you just don’t know everything.  That old adage,” the older I get the more intelligent my parents becomes”,  is true.  And, that applies to many things…and people.

The older I get the more I realize my parents were right about many things.  I do.

The older I get, the more I realize that wrong thinking is just a part of immaturity regardless of your age, but that living life can bring you through it and into mature thinking.

I also am realizing that part of what Papaw was saying it to learn to think for yourself.

In my life, I did not do that well.

I was a child who wanted to please others, and in that desire, did what I thought others wanted me to do rather than thinking through what God would have me do.

I am working on this.

It is hard.

I hate conflict.  I hate putting others out.  I hate for anyone to be upset with me.  I hate not to give others what they want.

But, I am learning.

And,  I guess I come to this later in life than I should.  But,  I am learning, God’s opinion is the only one which matters, Living by what I learn from His Word is the only “book” which is important to etch on my heart. 

I am learning that it REALLY DOES matter what I put between my ears because that is who I become…it cannot be helped.  I am a sponge and if I put the value of worldly things, people, life in between my ears, I become worldly.

But, if I strive daily and all day long to put Godly things, people and life between my ears, then I grow more like what I want to be.

And, it’s not that I have not known this truth…I think it is that I really didn’t appreciate the value of this truth as much as I do now.

We have always told our children, “you are what you read, listen to, walk with”…..and, you are.

I struggle as I watch them put things between their ears which I know to be worldly, and I battle with them at times, striving to let them know that it really does matter….to steer clear and not open the door to worldliness…

I think they listen and know what I say is truth…they just don’t grasp the depth of the truth of it yet and therefore, like most of us, walk where I wish they wouldn’t at times…

What’s a mother to do?

Well, I do what my 73 year old mother told me recently she did and still does (and that she had recently learned the value and importance of doing).   I pray not only that my children grow through this life preparing for the next staying close to Godliness…walking THROUGH this world and TO His world.  I pray not just for their protection….I pray for their safekeeping.

That God would steer evil away from them and put Godly in front of, behind, and to the sides of each one of my children.  That Boldness in Him become theirs.

We are not yet there…

But, Mama says….they are closer than they were because of prayer.

My Papaw Perry, Mama’s Daddy,  was a big man…and, I have every confidence that he was big in not only the education of our minds, but also in the education of our hearts and spirits as well.

Papaw knew.

Papaw shared….and, that sharing has flowed through the lives of his children, his children’s children, his children’s children’s children, all these years….

“Remember, what you put between your ears, only God can take away from you.”

Blessings,

Lesa

Top Row, Right

June 7, 2008. 

Through the front door of Dr. Jackson’s office, to the check-in window, through the door with the sign “for patients only” , turn to the right, first door on the right…

Top Row, first cubby on the right

“lesa” printed out on a small index card, waiting.

Normally, I would enjoy seeing my name in print…I like the unique spelling, a portion of my Daddy “ Chester Lee” invested in my name.

But, on this day, it was a shock to my soul.

L e s a

My person, my self, my being had cancer.  And, not just any cancer, but breast cancer.  Unbelievable.

Until now.  They would not put my name on the cubby if I didn’t need to have a cubby.  I wouldn’t need a cubby if I didn’t need the treatment.  I wouldn’t need the treatment if I didn’t have cancer.

In my breast. 

I love my breasts.  They came to me at an early age when my girlish figure was that of twelve but my breast knew themselves to be twenty-one.  I confess it was not love at first budding.  It was more like womanhood possessing me and taking over my body.

But, as age walked me down my life’s path, I grew to love, appreciate and even enjoy my breasts.

No one ever had to guess that I was a girl.  Rather, they more often than not had the surprise of knowing that I was a “young” girl.  Confusing to many, especially boys, because my breasts were determined to always be about eight years older than my birth age.

As time would have it, I eventually grew into my breasts and my age caught up with their maturity.

I enjoy the femininity which comes from being a full figured woman.  Dressing in lovely, low cut blouses with just enough cleavage peeking through makes me smile.

I enjoyed the intimacy of mother and child when I nursed my babies and remember being grateful that my children and I were able to enjoy early morning and late night feedings.    I came to know the hearts of my little babies while nursing them.  Precious to my heart are those little milk mouths sucking and glancing up at me with milk-mouth smiles.

I love the God blessed intimacy my husband and I share in loving one another by loving each other’s bodies.  There is a sacred bond which comes through our relationship and tenderness of touch, especially of my breasts.

So, when I saw my name listed, top row right, and knew there was a very real possibility I might lose my two sweet friends, it was devastating.

I was afraid.

No, I was more than afraid, I was broken hearted.

I love and want to keep my breasts.

So, I soldiered-up…and took many right turns…right into the doctor’s office, right to the check in where LeeAnn greeted me with a warrior’s welcome, right through the door marked “for patients only”, right to the first door with the cold knob.

And, then I did what all of we breast cancer warriors do…walked up to that tag labeling me a battler, removed my bra and shirt, warmed my breasts with my hands and laid down the gown to cover them up.

I walked out that door, down the hall and began the journey which would give me back many things I had not known I had lost.

My courage

My heart

My soul’s desires

My prayer life

My tender family moments

My growth in faith

And, just as important, my realization that I was more than just my breasts.  My breasts were simply reminders of my feminine core, beautiful symbols and worth fighting for.

But, that whether they stayed with me as a part of my body or whether they left me and took a piece of my heart along with them, I would survive.

I am grateful for “top row, right” for that simple little cubby symbolizes many right things in my life.  Lessons learned only because I fought the good fight, battling in pink and learning to love every precious day I have.

Who Would I Be if I Had Nothing?

“It often happens that we become more proud of our “stuff” than of what it took to get there – intelligence, work ethic integrity, passion, skill, and more.  In so doing, we diminish who we are.  We ignore our core.  Try asking yourself:  “who would I be if I had nothing?”  Not WHAT would I be, but who.

The you who you build during your lifetime here on earth is more important than anything which you can accumulate.”  ~Man’s fitness

“Who would I be if I had nothing?”….

I have not been able to get this question out of my mind since I read it over a week ago.  As my family and I make beautiful, sweet, and even precious plans for this Christmas Holiday, purchasing “stuff”….I wonder..

WHO would I be if I had nothing?

I walk around my home mentally giving things away….my favorite “Mama chair”, the Thomasville bedroom suite I sold our first home to profit enough to purchase, my many delightful books, the hundreds of photos of my children, parents and family.  The silver tea set from my deceased mother in law, the sapphire wedding band from my husband, the ring my Mama gave when I was thirteen.  …..

What about the breast cancer pink mixer, my hundreds of journals written since I was eight?  Love letters since I was twelve years old from my husband?  My computer with which I use to write this very blog?  My professional grade Canon camera with which I use to storybook my life.

Is it wrong to accumulate these things?

I don’t think so.  In fact, I believe they are blessings from God given to us to shine His light in powerful ways while we live here on this earth..they are life’s tools.

BUT……

Who would I be if I had none of these things?

Would I have any value without my pink blow dryer, make-up table made for me by my Daddy, hand crafted gifs of art from my children?

Hard to imagine me…standing…alone…naked with nothing.

But, I had better try.

For one day, I will do just that very thing. 

Stand.

Alone.

Naked.

As I came from my mother’s womb…naked.

Me, my life’s behavior, my decisions, my wise choices, my foolish decisions.

My Mama told me just yesterday that she loved getting old (she is 73).  She loves it because life becomes more clear.  What is important becomes more clear.

As in crystal clear.

As in “through the eyes of Christ clear”

And, she says, in her wisdom earned by forging life for 26,842 days, 73 years, 5 months and 26 days that it is who you are at the “end of the day” which really matters.  That person you wake up with and go to sleep with.  That person who is the same on the inside as she/he is on the outside. 

That person who resides inside you in a place no one else can hurt, harm or injure.  That person who has hope and faith and joy regardless of her circumstances.

She said that when she looks back over her life she realizes how foolish she was…how judgmental, how pious and how unbending.  She regrets missed opportunities to just LOVE.

Now, if ever there was an angel on earth, it has to be my mother.

So, her words were quite shocking to me.

From my eyes…my raising….my vantage point, my mother has always been a kind, compassionate and loving Mama.  Giving to the point of sacrifice, generous to the point of bankruptcy, encouraging to the point of a OSU cheerleader.

My Mama was and has been a steady rock for me during my life.

A Godly woman.  A Christ follower.  A warrior for her children.  A committed wife.

And, she’s telling me that she has much work to do on her personhood???

Then, I had better get started looking at my own life…and, I do.  And, I am.

And, in that looking, I agree with my Mama….I have been likewise many things which I no longer want to be…things I want to shed…to change.

And, I, like my Mama want to grow in ways which are Godly, truthful, solid and kind.

I am grateful for a Mama (and Daddy for that matter) how as they grow closer to the day they will stand naked before our God are sharing with us children what their life’s wisdom is teaching us.

Things do not matter.

No matter how sweet, how beautiful, how precious…things are things…they do not matter.

But, WHO we are on a daily bases does matter.

Even more comforting to me are my Daddy’s words…..”Sis, draw that line from your past mistakes through today….draw is straight and thick….and, start this day afresh.  Pray for forgiveness for things on the backside of the line and then let them Go….God remembers them no more…as far as the East is from the West…they are gone.  Then, walk OVER than line into this moment and strive every day to become the woman God intended you to be…every day…journey as if your life depends on your every action, move, word, act of kindness…not that you can “earn” anything with your living, but that you can emulate Christ’s love and compassion by your living.”

I cherish those wise words. I cherish them because they are grounded in truth. Truth which comes from the only one who matters…GOD…through the heart of my Daddy.

So, I ask myself…WHO would I be if I had nothing?

Not even clothes on my back.

When I stand alone…just Lesa…and God.

I cannot answer that question…for, in my humanity, I don’t always see myself in my best light. 

But, what I can do is work on who I want to be…deep in the inner most depths of my heart…

When I am alone with myself…when I am with my children…when I am in the presence of my parents, siblings and friends…

So, I have started a list…

At the end of my days…I want to be….

·         God’s girl…unabashedly committed to Him first and foremost

·         Ian’s loving and faithful wife, a fine help-meet and true friend

·         Madison, Kenton and Johnson’s worthy mother, solid rock, and Godly example

·         My sibling’s humble and kind sister who delights in their friendships

·         My friends loyal and faithful partner through this journey of life

·         My employers trusted staff

·         God’s forgiven child

·         A servant to others who God calls me to help

·         A humble heart who God calls to daily remember His tender mercies on my life

·         A giver

·         A forgiver, being patient

·         An encourager to others…

·         A willing student learning from those God puts into my path to teach me

·         A joyful heart…life is tough, but God calls us to joyfulness through our pain because of faith

The author of the article I read spurring my musings along in this blog asks…”if you had nothing…nothing…would you still like you?”

There have been times, and I am sure there will again when my answer would be a resounding “NO”!

But, that was when I had given up hope, had let those other than God define me..

And, that is not good.

For God is love….He does not expect us to be perfect.

He expects us to be trying.  With all of our hearts trying.

From the inner-most places in our soul trying.

As if our life depends on it.

Because it does.

He does not call us to have it all together all the time in all ways.

He expects us to be seeking His will for our lives.

He does not ignore our sin through His grace.  He does not excuse or hide our sinfulness.

But, what he does is more precious..

He forgives us when we seek His forgiveness…

And, in that forgiveness, he empowers us to be the best “us” we can be.

So, that at the end of the day when we stand naked before Him,

He knows our story, our struggles, our sin our pain…

And, Jesus  relays that to our God, not as a commentary in a news writing,

But as a brother who loves us…

And knowing this, it draws my heart to want to live the balance of my days with an eye toward heaven, toward that story-telling of my life…so, that when my time comes, HE has something worthy to share…that my heart has been a seeker….

Of God’s will for my life…

So, that while I may not always like myself,

Jesus will be able to see in me things which are humbly valuable….a heart which has sought God.

Blessings on your day,

Lesa