Home is where you go to be Amazed and Changed...

Home is where you go to be amazed and changed…

Madison and I said goodbye to our last beach sunrise this morning…

I loved being with her in the stillness of the wee hours…

For a long while, it was just Madison and me…and God.

Few words were spoken…there was just a quiet gentleness between us, mother and daughter.

There are times in your child’s life where all you can do is walk beside them…when holding their hand isn’t even an option…when the time for giving advice is past…

There are so many things I want to say…so much advice I would like to offer…so many situations I want to warn her about.  But, I am just her mother.  What I truly sincerely sole-heartedly want for her is…

                    ………. to grow closer to God..to rely solely on Him.

I want her to draw closer to Him in prayer and confidence that  like the North Star we watched this morning, He is our only “true North”….the one who will never disappoint, never forsake you, never leave you.

And, while I could have taken time this morning to give her a “lesson” about all of this, I didn’t.  While I could have verbalized so many things to my daughter, hoping to draw changes in her life, I couldn’t.

For I have learned that all I can do is live my life in such a way that she will see God in me…in my behavior, in my actions, my words, my deeds.

Like all parents…mothers, I have succeeded at times in doing this and I have failed at times in doing this.

What I have learned and am learning it that is why it is important to “live in truth” with yourself, with God and with your loved ones.  For no one is fooled, least of all your children.

Your children have a peek into your heart which is unique only to them.  They come to know you in a way you cannot (and should not) want to disguise…it should be that you can lay bare your soul to your children and that what they see is love….kindness..gentleness…meekness..joy..peace…patience…self control.

I have not always been that for my children.  The pain from this truth is almost unbearable.  But, I aspire to live in this way, and in my aspiration to do so, I have found peace.

That is what I prayed this morning for my daughter, Madison….peace.

Peace which comes only from the one who knitted her together.

Peace which comes from freely giving over her heart to the One who loves her “most”

Peace which is elusive if you rely on earthly people, things to make you happy.

I pray for her heart to surrender to God….just as the clouds gave way in surrender to the sun’s heat this morning.

I pray for surrender….to the path that will lead her home.

I pray for surrender…of her heart to the One whose love grows and changes a person..

And, just as the sunrise we shared together…mother and daughter..this morning, I believe when she surrenders…she will find all she is seeking…

She will be Amazed….and, she will be forever Changed….

As will I,

Blessings,

Lesa

Through the Storms and the Sunrises comes Perspective....

I am amazed this morning at the beauty “after the storm”….because yesterday, our beachfront view was cloudy and gray and thunder surrounded us.  It was slightly frightening to be so close to the edge of the beach..to see the storm coming our way and to be helpless to stop it.

The sky which had been soft blue, rose pink and slightly yellow had turned into a swirl of dark black, gray and dirty white.  The waves which had once been friendly and bounding with playful energy were now large and frothy and angry looking.

Our safe haven on the beach had been replaced with an unknown bully of a storm.

It lasted only hours but it felt like forever.

We read books, napped, watched tv and discussed what we would do in case we needed to evacuate.

We played Phase Ten, Yahtzee and Backgammon.

We waited…

And, finally, we went to bed exhausted with “doing nothing” all day…

But, as surely as the sun rises each morning, so did the beauty of our beach sunrise ...

And, I truly believe that the sunrise this morning is even more beautiful than it was these past few days…or, is it maybe that my appreciation for the view been enhanced when compared to the stormy day before?

Perspective is everything.  I believe that.

I can fully appreciate the intricate stitching of the morning’s sky a little more fully today because I have yesterday’s stormy one with which to compare.

Like life, my view has been changed by comparison….by my new perspective.

The children and I talked at length yesterday about how perspective molds who we are....if your perspective is molded by love and compassion and heart, you are more likely to forgive, to let go, to assist.

If your perspective is formed by judgment, anger or dispassionate thought, you are more likely to become harsh, cold, bitter.

If you are able to put yourself “in the shoes of another”, you are able to walk beside them and to be their friend.

But, if you cannot, then you cannot.

I want my children to be compassionate.  I want them to use their life’s experiences in a positive way to assist others.

Rather than deny that storms have come their way, I pray they are able to learn from the storms and be more sensitive to the storms of others.

We are not there yet.  We may never get there, but it is a goal..

Just as yesterday’s storm frightened us and worried us and made us realize that there is a power greater than we are who guides our lives, the beauty of today which came after the storm reminds us that that power wants good and beautiful and lovely things for us.

It is our ability to perceive that truth which will mold how we walk our days.

I choose to walk mine in faith…and, with a positive perspective.

Blessings,
Lesa

Home....is where you go to find time with God...

I love the early morning…when everyone is asleep and quiet permeates the house, or in this case the condo on the beach.

There is something sacred about the early morning hours….the Holy quiet where you and your thoughts are alone. 

Where it is quiet enough to hear God.

I pray for each of us this early morning as I sit and watch the sunrise to find some time today to be alone…

Just us an God…

God and us…

And, in that time, I pray that we are changed…

Blessings,

Lesa

Home is where you go to be changed.....

I love the early morning…when everyone is asleep and quiet permeates the house, or in this case the condo on the beach.

There is something sacred about the early morning hours….the Holy quiet where you and your thoughts are alone. 

Where it is quiet enough to hear God.

I pray for each of us this early morning as I sit and watch the sunrise to find some time today to be alone…

Just us an God…

God and us…

And, in that time, I pray that we are changed…

Blessings,

Lesa

Home is where you go to fulfill your "bucket list".......

Each January 1st for 25 years, our family has filled out our "wish list"...later called our "goal list" and more recently called our "Bucket List".

The whole point of the "list" whatever it is called is to set goals for the year.

I have kept every single list for each one of us....

I cherish these lists...at four, the kids put things like...

I wish...

   for a dog, to become President of the US, to have my ears pierced, a pet turtle, to go to Washington DC

Later, the lists grew into things like this..

I wish...

    to make straight A's, to make the volleyball team, to make the baseball team, to go to Hong Kong, to go on a church mission trip…

And, more recently, their lists have included...

   to be baptized (all three have been), for Papaw to be baptized, to take a family vacation,  to go to Harry Potter World, to go on a cruise, for peace…for joy and laughter…

We have written out our lists for every year these past 25 except for last year (2010)….and, I confess, that year was a tough one.  I’ll always wonder about what if….But, we are back on track with 2011…and, while our “bucket list” write a little differently this year, re-kindling the “Bucket List”  has revived our spirit of fun and adventure…it has re-set the clock for our belief that “through God all things are possible”…..it has re-ignited our passion for pursuing things which matter in life to our family…different as we are now.

This year’s list included things like…

     Have a home we can be proud of and invite our friends over all the time, be the “go to” home for our friends, take a trip to the ocean, play more family games together, have a pool, sit in a new place at church,  work at the Hope Center every other month rather than every month, live in truth, be healthier, eat better, invite over to our home kids who would not otherwise be invited over, do some daring things such as jump the “Pit”, read our Bibles through in a year, eat breakfast for dinner on Sunday nights, get our driver’s license, go see our grandparents more, have our grandparents come see us more, have my brothers and I be closer and talk more, pray my daughter move back home and return to college, give back to others more than we take from them, be good listeners, have more compassion to the less fortunate, be real with our friends…don’t sit on the sidelines watching them struggle, go to them and be there for them…BE REAL like the Velveteen Rabbit..

I find it interesting as I wrote our Bucket List items above, just how many we have already accomplished…some purposefully, and some by God’s divine provision.

I have always loved our annual rite of preparing the “list”, whatever we call it because it is a written reminder of a purposeful heart. 

I like it even more so when my children have a purposeful heart…I think God does as well.


If a Bucket List assists us in having a purposeful heart for the future as it has in the past, we will once again be Bucket List writers….

So, as I head down to the beach, where the ocean waves are bringing in the new morning’s sunrise, I smile……joy comes in the morning, just as He promises. 

I claim that joy.

I claim it in my heart…I claim it in my soul…

And, I claim it in writing…from HIS writing to my family’s Bucket List.

Blessings,

Lesa

Home is where you go to Celebrate Your Birthday....

I am forty-nine today…one year removed from fifty.

And, as I woke up this morning with the realization that God was “yes” going to bless me with another day here on earth, I was humbled to understand that I have three individuals to whom I owe much gratitude and appreciation.

Two of those  individuals came together in love to carry me and then give birth to me…my parents, Chet and Shirle Millstead.

One of those individuals left His earthly home to come and die for me so that I, too, may reside with Him one day, His counterpart which guides my life and fills my soul…the Holy Spirit, and their counterpart, the very one whose knitting together brought me into this very existence….God

To all three, I am grateful.

It is important that I fully understand the importance of these individuals in my life for they are the foundation for my whole purpose in existing…

I have learned much these past 49 years….but, one of my favorite things is that….

“When you get to the bottom of yourself, you get to the beginning of God”…..

I can assure you, I have gotten to the current “bottom” of my life this past ten years…..yes, I could go lower as there are many pains I have been blessed to avoid; but, I have been to the “valley of the shadow of death”…to the “point where anguish becomes your friend”…

However, as I tell my children, you are not to “live” there at the bottom.  I believe you are allowed to “go there” because some times it takes that for you to have a change of heart…a new conviction…a new awakening…

You go there to become different.

You go there to become kinder, gentler

You go there to become humbled

You go there to accept forgiveness

You go there to accept cleansing

You go there to accept love

It is a journey, this life we are on…and in this journey, we have to chose many things….

But, the greatest choice is “for Whom do I live?”

You will make many choices, wise choices, silly choices, even at times obscene and sinful choices, but you are NOT to live in those choices.

Celine Dion has a song I listen to daily…there were periods of times these past 20 months that I listened to it 20 times a day….I totally relate to the words….I have lain in bed at night hearing them, I have driven down the road to them, I have heard them while at ballgames and possibly even while talking with many of you…

"The Prayer"

I pray you'll be our eyes, and watch us where we go.
And help us to be wise in times when we don't know
Let this be our prayer, when we lose our way
Lead us to the place, guide us with your grace
To a place where we'll be safe

I pray we'll find your light

and hold it in our hearts.

When stars go out each night,

The light you have
I pray we'll find your light
will be in the heart
and hold it in our hearts.
to remember us that
When stars go out each night,
you are eternal star
Nella mia preghiera
Let this be our prayer
quanta fede c'e
when shadows fill our day

How much faith there's
Let this be our prayer
in my prayer
when shadows fill our day
Lead us to a place, guide us with your grace
Give us faith so we'll be safe

We dream a world without violence
a world of justice and faith.
Everyone gives the hand to his neighbors
Symbol of peace, of fraternity
La forza che ci da
We ask that life be kind
e il desiderio che
and watch us from above
ognuno trovi amor
We hope each soul will find
intorno e dentro se
another soul to love

The force his gives us
We ask that life be kind
is wish that
and watch us from above
everyone finds love
We hope each soul will find
around and inside
another soul to love
Let this be our prayer
Let this be our prayer, just like every child

Need to find a place, guide us with your grace
Give us faith so we'll be safe
Need to find a place, guide us with your grace
Give us faith so we'll be safe

E la fede che
hai acceso in noi,
sento che ci salvera

It's the faith
you light in us
I feel it will save us

I consider this song one of God’s little gifts to light my way on this life’s journey…

I consider many of you God’s little gifts to sweeten and light my way on this life’s journey…

I am a blessed woman….and, especially today, I want to reflect on how grateful I am….how truly truly lucky it is to be Chet and Shirle’s daughter, Madison, Joseph, Kenton and Johnson’s Mama, my siblings’ sister and my precious friends’ friend…

Thanks to each of you who has been a sweet light of love, compassion, joy and laughter to me these past 49 years; to those of you who have walked beside me as I have journeyed through life, who have sung with me, danced with me and prayed with me; who have walked with me, “yoga’d” with me, moved with me..

YOU are the best birthday present to me that I have ever been blessed to receive…

And especially today…my Birthday…I am grateful…

Blessings,

Lesa

Home is where you grow stronger and "through" things...

I  have a new home. My children have a new home.

By the grace of God it is a beautiful home.  In fact, the kids and I are going to get a rug made for the front door which says “Love Lives Here”….

It is a happy home….or, maybe it is just that we are happy in it….

Laughter lives in our new home…where it was absent at times from our old one.

Peace is in our new home….where at times it was missing from our old one.

Mutual love and respect for one another lives within the walls of our new home.

When you walk through the door, you can feel the authentic joy of happy souls.

When you walk through the door, you can sense the presence of fun.

Plotting and planning is already underway for pool parties, hide and seek expeditions and rooftop star gazing.

Dreams of teenage memory making can be heard through the hallways of our new home.

It makes me smile in joyful anticipation of sweet blessings yet to come.

It is, by any standard, a lovely dwelling…brick and mortar join together sweetly to frame a safe haven for happy activity.  It has rooms for each family member to enjoy…bedroom sanctuaries for each family member, family room fully stocked with family entertainment accoutrements, office for homework and college planning.  It has “hidey holes” for kid exploration, kitchen accents for fine dining of the beloved pizza and take out Chinese…and there is a game table for backgammon and chess tournaments.   There is a lovely body of water in the form of a pool just ripe for teenage splashing and playing.

When I close my eyes, I can hear the laughter of my kids playing in this house….their feet running up and down the staircase as they explore all the hidden secrets of their  “new” home.

It is a happy home.  Joy already has taken up residence at “112” and is filling it up to the brim….

And, I thank God for every spark of joyful delight which is being ignited within its walls.   That is something which has been absent for a long time for our family…but, it has found its way back and my family is blessed by its return.

But, as much as I am grateful for the physical dwelling of “112”….I am more grateful for the physical indwelling of love, respect, compassion and kindness which permeates our home via the people who live there.

My children have been through much these past nine years….maybe your family has had struggles as well.  Things not spoken of, but “lived” through….things not shared with outsiders but rather, replaced with a façade of “having the time of your life”.

But, consciously, we have chosen to walk through the unimportant and walk back to the important…it is a journey we are on…and, it is proving to be a good one.

Brothers are taking time to sit and discuss things which matter….

Sister is taking time to share her life’s experiences with brothers who take time to heed her advice.

Mother takes time to sit at the top of the stairs overlooking the family room and listen to the important discussions of her children:  how to succeed at school, which church activity to attend next, which of their friends needs a little encouragement, how to grow more defined abs, who gets to drive the car first when they get their permit….which girl to ask out next…

You know…those life and death things which make or break a teen’s life J

But, if I take the time, and sit quietly, I eventually hear their conversations head toward  things like, “you need to be more confident in yourself brother…you are a great kid”, “can you show me how to do this Math problem, you are better at Math”, “Learn from my mistakes brothers so you keep yourself whole”, “yes, I like that girl, she’s a “hard core” Christian girl…I think you should ask her out”, “okay, maybe Mama’s right, this TV show isn’t the best thing to watch”,

You know….those little conversations which make you realize that it’s the heart of your child which you seek to mold….and, that they seek to mold in one another.

And, you do that molding, not in the structure of a building, but in the heart of your family.

You do it not by pretending that all is well all the time, but by acknowledging that all is not well and walking through the fires of life until you reach the other side.

You do that by giving over your family to the center of God’s heart and you keep yourself there…

We lost our way…my little family did…and, there are consequences because of that.

But, thankfully, gratefully, we have found the path back and healing comes with each morning…

Healing in our home where joy is taking up residence and where “love lives”…..

Blessings,

Lesa

"Forever Friends"..........to Helen

Forever Friends…..

In life, we are given many friends. 

Friends “since birth”, friends from school, friends from church.

We have friends who share “trouble” with us and friends who keep us from same.

Friends who are also siblings and friends who we would have never imagined being friends with except for our life’s circumstances.

I have had the humble honor lately of being in contact with some of my lifelong friends and it has been a blessing.

I purposely dropped by one of such friends this week…I had not seen her in a while....very unusual for us.  

My heart raced as I drove onto her street.  It raced even more quickly as I saw the lights on in her home.  She’s home…she’s here. ….

I quickly stepped to the door which her husband opened…walked into the room and straight into the warm and kind arms of one of my most precious friends.

My tears were heavy….

We caught up on the surface things going on in our life and then she said what I knew would be coming…”okay, now tell me what is really going on in your life”.  I confess that I didn’t go there to share sadness with her.  I wanted to keep things light and “happy”…it was easier to pretend.

But, she would not allow that.

Again…”Lesa…how are you really?”  You can share anything with me.

And, so I did.

It was refreshing to actually be able to bare my soul to someone whom I knew would hold sacred the pain of my heart…who would listen quietly and who would love me through my sharing…

And, she did.

But, even more precious to me is that we didn’t live in the pain…she held my hand as we walked through it, kind eyes staying focused on me as the words tumbled out of my heart…

I shared truth with her.  I shared sadness.  I shared heartache.

And, then my story was over and she said, “Lesa, that is “LIFE”….and, it is one reason God gave us to one another…to help each other make it through this earthly life.

We embraced hard…the kind of hug which will keep you going until next time you meet…even if that meeting is not until heaven.

Her hug was real…I felt it to my soul.

Her love for me was true.  I felt it in my heart.

And, I left with no promises of when to meet next, but rather, with the knowledge that our love and friendship would last until that time…whenever it was.

I drove home…no longer alone in my car, but filled with the sweet thoughts of my precious friend.

Once home, I greeted my sons….they  said they missed me…I liked being missed.

I sat down to my facebook page and there it was…a message from my friend.

“I love you Lesa…..You are my “forever friend”.

I am grateful.

Blessings on your day,

Lesa

I Have a Little Mama....

I have a little Mama.

She is five foot two, eyes of blue and spunky.

She’s not always been little.  She is a Mama who sacrificed her own health and well-being in order that my Daddy and my seven siblings could have it.

She’s not only little now…she is “petite”…and, she likes it.  I am glad for her because she has worked hard to become “petite”. 

I never ever in my 48 years considered my Mama’s size.  I never saw her as any profile other than that of being my “Mama”.

She was always and is still my precious, beautiful, Christian Mama.

But, if ever there was a “size” correlation to my Mama it was only in things important.

Mama was “big” when it came to:

Heart:  My Mama’s heart is bigger than that of any other human I know.  She wears it on her sleeves with her children, with her friends and with even strangers on the street.  My Mama’s heart enables her to be a “giver” during her time on this earth….

Mama loves hard.  When you are blessed with my Mama’s love, you feel it to the very soul of your being.

Mama loves generously.  Trust me on this…Mama loves when others would chose not to love.

Mama loves sweetly.  My Mama can love so sweetly that you cannot help but take stock of you own heart to be sure you are loving sweetly as well.

Mama loves unconditionally.  I can honestly say that never one time in my life did I ever doubt my Mama loved me.  I think the same can probably be said about my siblings as well. 

When Mama loves you…it is forever.

Thank God.

Spirit:  My Mama has the kind of spirit that makes you want to sing.  She is perky, feisty, and yet is kind and gentle.  She can compete with the strongest and yet relate to the weakest.

Mama’s spirit is true.  It is based on the love for a heavenly Father and thus, guides her in that path all the days she lives.

Mama’s spirit is brave.  Mama is not a fearful person.  She is brave and at times, bold, because she knows that “all things work together for good for those who love the Lord”.  Ask any of her children and most of her “reading” grandchildren what Grammy’s/Mimi’s favorite Bible verse is and they will tell you:  Romans 8:28.  She’s brave because she’s had to be.

When you have eight children and thirteen (and one on the way) grandchildren, you have to be brave.

Trust me on this…our family has children/grandchildren in every color, shape and size.  There are quiet, demure folks, there are bold and loud folks.  There are brave and daring folks and there are the cautions ones. 

We are a beautiful display.. a mosaic formed by the hands of God through the love of my Mama and Daddy.

Body:  My Mama has the most precious human body I know.  Her eyes are the color of the sun right after the rain…when the rainbow is out and the sky turns a sweet blue soas to make the colors of the rainbow glow more brightly.

My Mama’s hair is a lovely shade of gray which people pay much money to achieve…the gray of each stand represents the joys and sorrows of her life.  She keeps it in a cute bob which  shows off her even more cute personality. 

Mama has that kind of face which makes you want to sit by her side and look at her more closely.  She is beautiful.  Her skin is alabaster “pink” and when you kiss it, you can feel the softness and sweetness of her spirit coming through.  It does have its “living” lines indicating a life well spent, but I don’t think anyone looking at my Mama notices those…I think they only see the “laugh lines” of a life well enjoyed.

Mama has a little tushie.  She’s going to kill me for this, but she does.  And, if you want to see it, I believe my sister has a video from our family’s annual “back to school” ritual which Mama always made sure to do for each of her children and grand-children.  Jills’ the youngest…only she could get away with making such a video, but I am sure glad she did.

My very favorite thing about my Mama’s human form is her hands.  I have my Mama’s hands.  Set them side by side, and they look exactly the same.  I am grateful for such a gift because I have a permanent reminder of my Mama right on my own body.  Mama is a “giver”….she has the hands of a giver.  She gives to my Daddy…she gives to my siblings…she gives to my nieces/nephews and my children.  Mama gives love with her hands, she gives discipline.  She uses her hands to provide for her family, she uses her hands to provide for her friends.  It would not surprise me if many of you reading this have received something from my Mama’s hands:  a special dessert, a crochet wash rag, a knitted sweater.  A Bible lesson, a written note, a dialed phone call…

Mama’s hands remind me of Jesus.

When I close my eyes and envision my Mama’s hands, I envision all the love I can ever imagine poured into the forming of her hands because God knew that she would be my earthly model for his heavenly love.

And, possibly yours as well.

I love my Mama.

But even more than the love I feel for her is that gratitude I feel to God for allowing me to be her second born.

Mama is a gift which only God can provide to me.

I am grateful.

I love you Mama..

I love you as only your second born daughter can….

~Lesa Sheryl Millstead-McKenzie

Home is where you go when your Daddy is battling

I am a Daddy's girl.

I always was a Daddy's girl, and I will always be a Daddy's girl.

I am not only a Daddy's girl, but I am a "Peppermint Twisting, Little Kiddle, fried rice loving, hand holding Daddy's girl". I am a hauling hay in shorts (you're going to regret this Sis), never met a boyfriend he liked, go pick the beans, help your mother take care of your brothers and sisters" Daddy's girl.

I have a Daddy who has always been resilient...and, now that is going to pay off.

My Daddy has cancer....

Today starts his battle against this big "C" and he will win this battle.

For you see, this is my Daddy who battled and won wars agains poverty, family struggles, his own beloved parent's battle with cancer.

Daddy fought battles in Viet Nam which even today he does not speak of.

Daddy fought the blessed, but at times challenging, battle of raising eight children, all of whom are decent, solid, hard working citizens giving back to our communities...

Daddy has fought his own battles...Daddy has fought his children's battles.

Daddy has even fought a neighbor or two's battles.

Daddy has done many things in his life....I fear to name them because I know I will leave something out, but off the top of my head, I can tell you:

Daddy was a much loved husband, father, son, nephew, brother. Daddy was a student, FFA proficient, speach writer and wild at heart young man. Daddy was a daredevil. Daddy was a helicopter pilot, world traveler (going all the way to Germany to get me). Daddy was a preacher, teacher, song leader, communion leader. Daddy was a marathon runner, a fisherman and hunter teaching most of his grandkids to do the same. Daddy was a farmer, a cattle "rancher" and at one time I heard him called "Superman" (wink)

You could dress my Daddy up and introduce him to the President. You could dress my Daddy down and he would chop ice to feed the cows with the best farmer.

When I close my eyes, I can see my Daddy's big hands now marked with "beauty" spots and battle scars from life...the life he gave so lovingly to his family.

When I close my eyes, I can see my Daddy's arms, the ones which hugged me hard when my heart was broken or my feelings hurt.

When I close my eyes, I can see my Daddy's eyes...wise and seasoned with the knowledge which only comes from living long and experiencing much...

When I close my eyes, I can see my Daddy sitting out our old home place's kitchen table. He always was first up in the morning and I was second. On Sundays, he got up and fixed pancakes and breakfast for his family and then sat down to study his Bible, preparing for a sermon, a Bible class lesson and picking out a song or two. I think of all my memories, this kitchen scene lays on my heart the sweetest..

For I have a Daddy who loved and still loves God even more than my mother, my brothers, my sister and me.

I know this because he not only said it...he lived it.

No, Daddy was not perfect. He made mistakes in his life...but, he didn't "become" his mistakes. He lived through them and learned from them.

Daddy told me recently, "Sis...all I can tell you is be the very best person for God you can be. Forgive yourself, forgive others and live the rest of your life for "Him" the best you can".

He told my son during a recent visit, "J..be ready. Poppy is ready. If I were to die today, I have lived a good life, I have acknowledged my faults and sins, I have sought forgiveness, I have lived the best I can...you go do the same". My son was touched....

My Daddy starts his cancer battle today.

I know he will win.

I believe he will win it here on this earth and God will bless him with more days with his family.

But, I also know that he will win it in other ways, because I know he will use this battle to bless others with his faith in an even bigger "Daddy"...the one who holds my Daddy's fate in his hands...and, the one who ultimately is who my Daddy lived for and loved most.

I am a blessed woman...I have a Daddy who loves God, his wife, his family, his friends..and in that order.

I have a Daddy who sees the bigger picture...

I have a Daddy who gives his all to all he does..to all whom he loves..

I have a Daddy who loves my mother.

There is no greater Daddy than mine....(except perhaps to you..yours)

In honor of my Daddy, please stop what you are doing this very moment and give your Daddy a call...tell him you love him. Tell him why.

Blessings on your day,

Lesa

Home is where you go to work things out...

I have two sons...twins.

There are blessings which come from being twins and there are "challenges". Yesterday, we had a challenge.

Because I really don't want to invade their privacy, I don't plan to go into detail of their challenge, but, this one was "real".

Feelings were hurt.

Apologies were sincere.

As a mother, you cannot take sides...you don't want to take sides...

And, thankfully....gratefully, I didn't have to.

At home, my boys don't really "fight" very much, but it happens more than when they were little when peer pressure and testostorone has yet to set in.

Today was one of those days.

As I listened to one son tell his side of the story, I was touched that he took responsibility for his actions...he seemed sincerely remorseful. While he did begin to excuse his behavior, he caught himself and said frankly..."no..really, it was my fault. I started it and I shouldn't have.

His brother had taken a walk to think things over and that was probably a good idea...by the time he came home, real contrition set in from his brother.

I was further touched that the son who started this event gave his brother space...he didn't immediately run up to his brother and apologize. when I asked him why he hesitated, he said, Mama, you have to give a guy his space. I want him to know when I apologize that I really mean it."

I like that.

That is wise thinking from a 15 year old boy.

This particular son had an event to attend, so off he went while the other son and I stayed home to work on a school project.

I waited expectantly to hear "his" side of the story, but he did not elaborate. In fact, I had to ask him to tell his side and he declined...he didn't "rat" out his brother. He didn't criticize, he didn't speak meanly, he just did his school work.

I started to pursue his hurt, but thought better.

I am glad I did.

I started to get the boys together once his brother came home to "work things out", but instead, decided just to pray and let them handle it.

I am glad I did.

Not feeling well, I went to bed early. The one son came home from his activity and the other son worked.

I lay in bed and waited...would they get into it again? Would they make up? Would they just let it go?

I'm not exactly sure what happened (truth: I did not eavesdrop)...and, I could not hear the words spoken, but I can tell you things were said in low, muted voices (as if they didn't want Mama to hear:). Finally, they started talking louder and laughter wafted up into my bedroom. I smiled.

I don't guess I will ever know what transpired between my sons...and, I don't need to know. What I do know is that in our "home", they were able to work things out...all by themselves, with just my prayers to cover them.

what I do know is that love for one another superceded their pain; forgiveness was granted and friendship was bonded perhaps a little more tightly....the kind which can only be forged between twin brothers.

I am blessed.

My challenge to you and me...from this day forward, I plan to stay out of the way of my children's disagreements whenever possible; I plan to try to give them space to think through their actions; I plan to pray more than I speak and I chose to rejoice when their hearts have the opportunity to grow...

Blessings,
Lesa

HOME is where you are called "Mommy"......

I have three children.  They are 20, 15 and 15...

They all have different names for me...my daughter calls me "Mother" or "Madre" , one son uses "Mama" and the other uses "Mom"..

But.....when they really want my attention....when the going gets tough....when they have something special to share....it is "Mommy" they call.

I don't know about you, but "Mommy" melts me.  Mommy causes my heart to perk up and listen...it sends waves of tenderness flowing through me which crashes over my soul.

Just last night I had the "privilege" of reviewing one of my son's address books on his phone....right there, in black and white at the top of his phone call list was "Mommy"....so each time I call him or he calls me, it is to Mommy.

I smiled for a long time when I read my name on his address book....I'm still smiling.

I won't name the child for fear he might be teased by friends who might read this :) but suffice it to say it might surprise his friends ....but, then again, no, it wouldn't...

They wouldn't be surprised because his friends have heard him call me Mommy....frequently...and, even some of them call me that as well.

I like being my children's mommy....its not a word they use in a childish, immature way.  They use the name in a way one who is confident would...boldly...as if..."this is MY Mommy and I am proud of it".  I am her child. She is my mother.

I like that.

I like it that my children know I am their number one supporter.  That I will be there for them when everyone else leaves.  That I will stand in front of them in danger.  That I will cheer for them when they do well and will encourage them when they struggle.  I like that they know that I will help them to the best of my ability to achieve their dreams.  That I will encourage them to do the work...even when it is hard.  I will force them to finish what they start, to give their best effort.  I will accept nothing less than their best effort.

I like it that they know they cannot "fool" me, that just because I don't say something doesn't mean I don't know what is going on.  That I can be quiet and just listen when they need to talk.

I like it that they have each told me what they like best about me is that I am Real to them.  I count this a humble honor...that  my children see me as real...feel me as real.  like me even though they are able to see my real flaws.

We have a rule at our house...no topic is off limits as long as one is respectful and truthful.  Thus, we have discussed many, many, many things...at times, we discuss things as a group and at other times, on a one-on-one basis, but discuss things we do.

I like it that we do this...it is what my own Mommy did with my siblings and I as well.

It is what makes the difference between being "Mom" and "Mommy"....

Being able to accept my children right where they are, guiding but not judging, leading but not forcing, praying but not challenging is my favorite part of being their Mommy.

And, I know...without a shadow of a doubt, that there is no other word which flows so sweetly off their lips as "Mommy"....

Privileged I am to be called such a name...

My challenge to you....do you live in appreciation of your own Mommy?  do you tell her?  does she know how grateful you are to be her child?  If not, I pray you stop what you are doing and go tell her...now..for I can promise you this, there is no greater sound than your voice calling her name....

Blessings,
Lesa

"Home" is the place you go when you are ready...

My daughter Madison is moving back home.

Soon.

We have missed her presence, her laughter and her tidiness :)

Madison is everything I prayed for in a daughter over 20 years ago...and, so much more.

But, she didn't believe me when I told her this.  And, I didn't always tell her in ways she could "hear".

Frankly, at times we "missed" eachother...

She moved out to "figure out her life", to "find herself", to seek peace and I admire that in her. 

She found her wings a little earlier than her Dad and I had planned, but I have learned through my daughter to claim those prayers I prayed for her in her youth...I do so now.

I think she would allow me to tell you that some paths she has chosen are the cause of some pain for her and our family.  As well, I can say the same..

And, I think she would allow me to tell you that she is not fully "there" yet....nor am I.

But, what I think she would want those who love her is to see her effort, her seeking and her desire to be on the path which God set for her 20 years ago...and, I think she will.

Some of us mature early and for some, it takes a little longer. 

Some skate by on life with very little pain...in fact, a minister friend of mine once said from the podium....and, I will never forget this..

"I have had a pretty easy, happy go lucky life with very little pain or challenge to hurt me.  I keep things simple and seem to live without the problems life can present"....

Not me.  I can remember listening to him say that and thinking, "well, that explains why I cannot relate to you"...for his words cannot be said about my life...nor my daughters.

When I think of those who I feel a kinship for, it is those who have had challenge in their life, who have struggled, who has suffered and who have persevered.  Even today, my closest friends are those who have lost children, divorced, battled cancer, left home to find themselves, battled mental illness, etc.  They have the ability to touch my soul.....and, I am grateful for each of them.  Through their pain, I have learned compassion...

I am glad Madison is coming home.  I think she has grown and matured by living on her own in ways she would not have had she not done so.

I am proud that my daughter lives in truth with herself....and with others.

I am grateful she understands that you are ultimately responsible for yourself and your actions.

She "gets it"...and, while she would be the first to admit that she still has a long journey ahead of her...

For today, we are grateful that her jouney is leading her back home....

My challenge to you:  Do you walk beside those who are finding their way or do you keep your distance b/c you do not know what to say?  Do you reach out to someone who is taking a path of which you do not approve or or do you hold back in judgement?   

I think Madison would tell you that those who love her unconditionally, reach out to her in faith, who do not judge but who do pray for her are the ones who have helped her most in life.  Unconditional love is Godly love....and, isn't that what "home" is all about?

Blessings,
Lesa

Home is your dog refusing to die...because she knows you need her to live

Jewel is our family dog. 

Her full name is "Jewel a' la Champion"...Jewel comes from Madison's middle name and the rest was based on what we envisioned her to be...she did not disappoint.

She lives today because she knows we need her to live.

She is our friend, protector and guide.

She draws our compassion, our love and our hope for tomorrow right out of our soul.

Jewel should have been dead about a year ago, but she survives against the odds.  She is a living miracle.

Jewel was diagnosed last year with sarcoma....soft tissue cancer which will eventually grow into every soft tissue she has in her body.

                Madison, "how old do I have to be to get a dog?
                We, "old enough to take care of it by yourself"
                Madison, "well.....how old is that?
                We,, "how old do you think?
                Madison, "ten"
                We, "ten it it"

So, her Daddy began the search around nine and one half for that special "McKenzie" dog...he eventually found just the one at the Human Society...

It was love at first sight
It was mange, and illness at second sight..

Jewel was a true family labor of love...she had not been well cared for and was frightened, sick and alone.

We all took turns feeding, watching and nurturing her back to good health and she has never once forgotten that...

She is the "best dog ever".

She has been with our family through many trials...and, many successes.
She has guarded two of our homes fearlessly, as she should.
She has celebrated our joys...even kindly wearing silly birthday hats, boas, and clothes which would look silly on anyone but her.

She has been patient during our "ball" years where we were absent from home more than we were there...

Jewel can hold her "needing to go potty" for hours at a time...patiently waiting until one of us gets there to let her out.

Jewel has weathered all types of storms...weather, broken hearts, lost ball games, and family crisis.

Jewel loves to travel...her favorite thing to do is stick her nose out the window of the car to receive the cool air on her face...she loves riding down the driveway in the wagon with the kids.  She enjoys a good romp in the mud and the warm bath after.

Jewel is our family's one and only truly forever after through all circumstances, "Best Friend".

As things at our home changed this year, Jewel remained impartial.  She did not take sides.  She did not gossip with the neighbors, she did not judge. 

What she DID do was love us.  She lent her back to all of us to hug, she allowed each of us to support her during her surgery bringing out family compassion in a way no one else could.  She greeted each of us with a smile on her face and a quick wag of her tail.  She still does.

She barked when things got tense as if to day, "stop your silliness"....and, we most often did.

She barked when we would send her to the basement to sleep (her normal sleeping place) and insisted she sleep in the foyer in front of our door...she was protecting the kids and I.

Here, of late, she has taken to sleeping at the top of the stairs...woe to anyone who might attempt a stair climb at my home.  She valiantly protects us each night as if her life depended on it...and, I think it does.

Her doctors said she should already have met her maker...tumors grow daily on places of her body which make it difficult to walk...she walks.

Tumors grow so large that the average human would give up...she does not.

The kids and I were discussing her miraculous ability to live and concluded...

She cannot die because she knows, perhaps even better than we do, that we need her to live.

And, she does.

And, we are grateful.

My challenge to you....and me:  Do I take for granted the unconditional love of my family, friends and faithful dog?  Let's don't.

Let's take time today to reach out to those who give to us selflessly so that we may have a better life....

To our precious Jewel...we are forever grateful...and, forever changed by your example.

Blessings,
Lesa

PS.  Jewels lives b/c she is not in pain and has the desire to live.  When that changes, we will love her enough to let her go....on that you can depend.

Home is the place where you find Truth...

Hit me, beat me, hurt me, yell at me, but
           please do not lie to me...........



I grew up with a Mother and Father who told me....tell the truth....we would rather have bad truth than good lies.

This is good philosophy.

I had a "Grandmother" Frances who told me, "Lesa, if you lie to yourself, you will lie to others". 

I had a "Granny" who said, "You are such a good girl, keep that"....(yes, Granny, I did eat the last corndog, my 3rd:)

I will go one step further, I LOVE truth tellers...generally speaking, I think you can tell when someone is a truth teller and when they are not.  If you are close to that person, you can often have an innate sense when truth is present and when it is not.

It is those who tell the truth that I feel closest to.  Even painful truth.

WHY is that?

Because, when you live in falsehood, there is no foundation to your relationships. 

I have learned this past year that you can "lie' as well but what you do not say.....

I am guilty of that.  I have stood silent on things in my life which I should have spoken up about.

I didn't understand the significance of that until this past year, but I do now.

And, "now that I know better, I try to do better"....

I have had the blessing to be in the presence this year of some very authentic people...and this is what I have learned from them in truth:

Mama......I love you no matter what, Give it to God, I will stand with you through thick/thin....be God's girl.

Daddy....Make yourself ready, for you never know when your time on this earth will call you "home".  I am ready.  Daughter, I want you to be ready.  I will stand with you through thick or thin.

Madison, Kenton and Johnson....We love you Mama...more than the sand at all the beaches, more than all the stars in the sky, more than all the blades of grass in all the fields.

Chuck....I am your big brother, I will be here for you no matter what. I love you.

Jim...it is simple, I'm lovin ya!  Give it to God.

Jay...If you hurt, our family hurts.

Jill...I may not understand, but you are my sister.

Melissa...I will hold your hand through this, no matter what.

Kathy....Be real, Lesa...live in truth with yourself, expect truth from others.  Your time on earth is wasted if you live in pretense.  Go, have your "pity party" about this and then walk forward in truth.  (Kathy died December 2010...I miss her)

Mary Virginia....You are God's girl....remember that as you make your decisions.

Rhonda....It's been a season to sit in sack cloth and ashes.  But, remember, God brings beauty from the ashes.  Isaiah 61:3 

God...."Jesus answered, "I am the Way, the Truth and the Life.  No one comes to the Father except through me."  John 14:6

I chose Truth...and, in that, I believe I will find the life that we all hope for.  I chose to be honest when it hurts, even with myself.  I chose to live my life for the one I gave my heart to on October 17, 1971 in baptism at Radcliff Church of Christ.

And, in this choosing, I think I will find "HOME"...

My challenge for you...Are you a truth teller?  Do you live in truth on a daily basis and do you require it of others?  If not, change......and, change today.  For when you do, you will know the true peace that is "Home"......

Blessings,
Lesa

PS.  True Gut....I am grateful for the person who has reminded me that truth will set you free...

The Fork in the Road....leads Home...

First....I am humbled by you who write to comment on my blog and to encourage me via your emails.  I am grateful and taken aback by the many of you who seem to find something of value in what I have to say.

I take zero credit.  This is a God thing I am doing...this writing.  My Precious friend, Tammy who is a prolific blogger says it well...."My Heart...His Words".  She is my inspiration...as are all of you.  She has changed my life forever with her sharing both in person and "in blog".  Please visit her site.  You will be blessed.

May I ask a favor? ...please "join" my blog if you would.  As someone who tries to blog, it is MAJOR encouragement to see that you have taken the time to join....

But, I digress...

I am at a fork in the road of my life. 

Sadly, I have led my children to this particular fork.  I take responsibility for that on a daily basis. 

Thankfully, my children understand "how" I got here and support me.  Thankfully, they are resilient and stoic and loving.  It was not me alone who took them to this fork...their Dad assisted.

Thankfully, rather than wither under the stress of our family situation this past year, my children have grown stronger...especially my precious daughter.

But, as a mother, any time you take your children down a path with you which is painful, you have to question yourself....

And, you should.

That is what God requires the minute He places those precious babies in your womb...it is at that moment God requires you to move from a "me" to "them" mentality....

It is God's way of giving you a glimpse of what He does for us.....except the path God leads us down, when we are wise enough to follow Him, is always the right one...no so with us humans. 

But, I am learning that going to the fork in the road is not the problem...and, taking your children with you to that fork is not the problem.  Having a fork to go to is not the problem.

Life is a challenge and there are forks we must come to every day.

What is the problem is when you fail to take God with you to the fork.....

I am not saying I haven't taken God with me to my personal family's fork, because God (and some of you) know that I have....but, I confess that I didn't keep Him with me at ALL times....I have lost my way at times as I have headed toward the fork....leaving God and children and husband behind.

Why is that?

It is because I left the 'them" thinking and moved to "self"....and, in this particular situation...I sincerely felt it was "survival of self"...so, I justified it in my head, heart and actions.

However, as I slow my pace and allow God back into my walk to the fork, I can see my mistake...

I cannot make this fork decision on my own....I must....I am required....it is mandatory if my life is to be all God intended...to give myself fully over to the only one who can lead me down the right path once I reach the fork....

And, that is what I plan to do.

And, now that I am here...God in hand....things are much more clear on which path to take.

How does this fork mentality relate to "home'...my blog theme?

Of this I am certain...there is only one "prong" on the fork of our life's decisions which leads HOME...both to our earthly home, but more importantly, our heavenly home.

THAT is the prong I plan to take....and, its the one I hope you take as well...

My challenge to you....embrace the forks in the road of your daily life with confidence.  Do that because you have placed God in the exact middle of the fork and then allow Him to point you to the way "home"....

And, when you see someone like me who is at the fork, but who has left God behind.....please take the time to stop and help them (as many of you have helped me) and remind them to be bold in placing God back in the center of their fork...so He can point the way home.

Blessings,
Lesa