An Update on Lesa from today, June 24, 2015










Still His Little Lamb................




We are praising God at the Young home today!!

One year and four days ago, I underwent a surgery which has forever changed my life both physically and emotionally.  More importantly, it changed me spiritually...and, for that I am grateful.

As I wrote in the blog below...the first one....

He is the Shepherd who can heal me.  He is the Shepherd who can make me whole.  

And, I believe He will.

But, more than even that….I go with confidence into His will for my life

His will be done

Because, I have learned that when I give over my will….into His hands….into His will

There is not greater place to be.

For the past 369 days God has been working on me....it's easy to write the word to what I want to be like and hold as truth but it is much harder to walk my words as truth...to live my faith.

I don't know why we go through challenges in our lives....I don't understand fully what purpose my own journey has, but what I have learned is a very simple lesson

When God's will is done..and you strive to not waiver in your faith in His will

You come out on the other side healed...

Maybe not in the way you think or want to be, but in the way which matter.

In my case, as I write this, I am on track for a real healing....and, just as I wrote that I believed He would...He has.

In this season of my life...His will has been for me to walk in a healthier body...by His grace

I am thankful.  I am grateful.  I want to always remember this journey and not forget it as I continue on my way....

Thank you all for your faithful prayers on my and my family's behalf.  We "still have miles and miles to go", but this woman of God knows with all confidence that she goes not alone

He is with me

As are you, and I am grateful.

Love and Blessings on all of us,
Lesa

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An Update on Lesa: Easter Sunday 2015  (So many of you have asked for an update that my heart is touched.  I thank you for your care and compassion)

I go tomorrow, Monday, April 6, 2015, to The Vanderbilt Clinic for a pre-assessment by the Physician’s Assistant of my surgeon.  She will examine me (and discuss with my surgeon) to see if I am ready for the cystogram scheduled for 11am.  If I am deemed ready (it’s been 13 days since surgery), then I will have the cysto.  If not, I’m not sure what will happen outside of a Foley catheter change.  Based on what happens, they will determine my next steps.

To date, it appears that this surgery has “taken hold”.  I wrote before the surgery that I believe God will and has healed me and I do.  We don’t know the long term affects, but do know I have a few complications which I will address for the days to come.  It’s in God’s Hands.

So…please do keep me in your prayers.  For total and perfect healing as only God can provide and for peace of mind knowing that the ultimate physician has me in His good hands.

I go with great peace and every expectation that God has healed me.

Thank you for your many prayers.

His Will Be Done…..

Our love,

Lesa, Ian and children

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I Am His Little Sheep and He is My Shepherd

“The one who enters by the gate is the shepherd of the sheep.  The gatekeeper opens the gate for him, and the sheep listen to his voice.  He calls his own sheep by name and leads them out.  When he has brought out all of his own, he goes on ahead of them and his sheep follow him because they know his voice.  But they will never follow a stranger; in fact, they will run away from him because they do not recognize a stranger’s voice.  Therefore, Jesus said again, very truly I tell you, I am the gate for the sheep. “  John 10: 1-5

“- and I lay down my life for the sheep” 

~ Jesus

June 20, 2014 was a life changing day for me, my family, and those who love me, including many of you who are reading this.  Not because of a surgery which caused physical harm to my body, but because I was forever changed in my relationship with God. 

 I am not the first, nor will I be the last to have a struggle in my life. 

My struggle is not the biggest nor is it the smallest of the world’s struggles.  But, what it was for me was an opportunity to grow in my relationship with God or against God as I have walked these past 9+ months.  We all have a choice in which direction to change, and I choose to grow toward God.  To follow His leading.  To listen to Him call my name.

On another day, God willing, I will share with you all that God has taught me since last June 20, 2014…but, for now, I leave you with this…

I am most confidentially and certainly, His little lamb. 

 He opens the Gate and I follow.  He knows my name and I listen for and to His voice. 

 He goes ahead of me preparing my way and I will follow Him because I love Him. 

 I do not follow the voice of this world because it is as strange to me as that of a stranger’s voice.

In fact, I choose to run away for the strangeness of this world.

Instead, I run toward toward the Gatekeeper….the one who gave me life here and who prepares me for that life there, with Him in Heaven.

I have total faith in my Shepherd, that He will bring healing to me. 

 I pray with all of my heart for His Holy guidance of the surgeon who will operate on me this Monday. 

 I pray for all the medical professionals who will care for me.  I pray God bless each and every one and lift them up.  

I pray for you who will be praying for me and I thank you in advance.

I pray for a Godly husband who has cared for me like I am the most precious of lambs.

I pray for my children who God gave me to teach me about living for someone other than myself.

I pray for Godly parents, brothers and sisters, nieces and nephews.

I pray for Godly family and friends.

This world is not our home, heaven with the Shepherd is. 

 But, while we are here, He wants us to remember Him….to know Him….to recognize His voice as He calls to us.

He wants us to be such precious lambs that those who are near us can tangibly feel His love for Us….and, through us, for them as well.  

So, as I head into Monday and the weeks that follow, I go with great confidence.   

He is the Shepherd who can heal me.  He is the Shepherd who can make me whole.  

And, I believe He will.

But, more than even that….I go with confidence into His will for my life

His will be done

Because, I have learned that when I give over my will….into His hands….into His will

There is not greater place to be.

God go with all of us….and, may we all remember the wonder of being His Sheep….

May we all answer when He calls our name…both while on this earth…and, in Heaven.

Love and Blessings,

Lesa

 Surgery at Vanderbilt University Hospital, Monday, March 23, 2014 at 7:30am.  Madison will post once I am out of surgery.  Humble, joyful thanksgiving for the outpouring of love you have shown me.  my family.  You are His hands, feet, and heart in our lives. 

For as he thinketh in his heart, so is he – Proverbs 23:7

The heart is an important place.  I am convinced of it.  

More and more every day, I am coming to realize how vital, how important, how necessary it is to have a good one

A pure one

A clean one

How much different is my life when I think with my heart?

Contrary to what the world will tell us, thinking with our hearts is not an emotional, unstable, or foolish thing to do….

It is a Godly expectation

While the world puts down a person who thinks with her heart, who looks at things, situations

People

With their hearts….

The Lord is….

Searching my heart

Wanting to know my heart

Wanting me to consider life, people, and circumstances from my heart’s perspective

I’ve been thinking a lot about that as I head into my third surgery, fourth time to be put to sleep and seventh medical procedure within the past eight months.  It would seem that before I can catch my breath and give my human body a chance to heal from one event, I am having to prepare and move onto the next

It is a frequent thought that I wonder, “how much more can this old heart take?”

I’m not afraid.  I don’t worry about if I die….

More is my thought toward my heart….

Have I lived the days God has given me according to His purpose for my life?

Have I shared my heart in such a way that when others see me, they see Him?  And, better still, do they see in my heart, the heart of my Father?

I think we all know the answer to that is a pretty resounding no

I have not

Not perfectly

Not mostly

Not every single moment of every single day of my life

No

And yet

I woke from a deep, fitful sleep this morning to hear myself calling out for my daddy….

I am soon to be 53 years old the end of this month and never in my entire life have I ever 

remembered myself calling, thinking to call, starting to call much less actually calling God my Father…………..Daddy

My earthly Daddy has always been my Daddy and my heavenly Father has always been Father

But, for some reason a little before 7 this morning as I was coming awake I realized that I was calling out to my Daddy and it was my heavenly one to whom I was calling….

Odd?

I don’t think so

The reality is, I am just a child in this human body

And, I make no apologies for it

I am His child

His little girl

His daughter

Tears flow from my heart just typing those words because I am coming to so fully understand their significance in my life

It is from my Daddy that I gain strength of heart to carry through with the plans He has for this life of mine, plans to prosper, not to harm, plans to use my life for His purposes, plans to illuminate my sin so that I may grow closer to him, plans to forgive my sin so that I become pure through Him.

My Daddy gave me my heart

And, my Daddy can take it away

I find comfort when He tells me

“For I know the plans I have for you, plans to give you hope and a future.  Then you will call on me and I will listen to you.  You will seek me and find me when you seek me with all your heart.  I will be found by you, declares the Lord, and will bring you back from captivity.”

And all HE really wants 

Is my heart

All of it

The entirety of its physical muscle walled within my chest

The wholeness of my heart’s thoughts

The fullness of my spiritual hearts giving’s

God is the master potter, constantly shaping and molding and defining and refining

But, in lieu of a lump of clay

His medium

Is our hearts

My heart

At first, He knits it right beside the very heart of a humanly mother who will love it and protect it and care for it second only to God himself…

Then, he grows it

He stirs it

Searches it

Calls it

He watches it

He judges it

He breaks it

He tells us to fix His Word on our hearts

To fully commit our hearts

To pour out our hearts to Him

He knows what He is asking

He wants it all

Our total heart

He makes no apologies and in fact,

Makes clear to those will listen

He expects it all

Because He knows that until we freely give

Fully give

Totally give

Our whole heart to Him

We will never have a whole heart

We are called to trust Him with all of our hearts….

Our whole heart

And, I do

Out of my heart, I think it

From my heart I give it

All of it

The sum total of it

The whole of it

Blessings

Lesa

My Dear Children,

As I head into my fourth medical procedure since June, I am spending as much time physically with you as I can, and even more time emotionally thinking about you….and me….and us. 

I've written before in this blog about what I have hoped to teach you as your mother, the good and the bad, the do's and the don'ts……But, I don't think I have ever written about what YOU have taught me, your mother….Mama….Mommy…..

And so, can I share that now?

For example, right off the bat, from the very "get-go", you have taught me……that…..

* God is pretty Amazing!  That he could not only take, but could  use, a vessel such as me to create you, He must love me a very great deal….to have hand-crafted each of you from the heavens and knit you inside my womb….to allow me to be eternally changed as I carried you under my heart, watching my little belly swell with your person-hood and then working harder than I have ever worked in my life…..with HIM…..to get your feet on the ground of this life.  Amazing.  And, I am and will always be forever grateful.  Blessed.  Joyful. Such beautiful, wonderful, human beings such as you just warms my heart, fills my soul, gives me hope.

* You are His!  As much as I want to claim each of you as my very own special gift from God, and you are…ultimately, you are His, and that is as it should be.  Yes, He entrusted you into my care, but I understand now, He never gave you to me permanently.  He loaned you to me not just so that I could point you to Him, but so that I could see Him in you.  We are given to one-another….a gift straight from Him.  And, I personally believe He expects us to appreciate and use this gift to His glory demonstrating to the world how mighty, how powerful, how awesome is the relationship between parent and child.  For, you see….the world looks upon our relationship with one another as an example of our relationship with Him.  Let's always work toward making ours a good example.  Remember, you are His!

* Our relationship on this earth will only be as real as the truth we tell one another!  We have not always had nor will we always have the perfect mother-daughter, mother-son, mother-son relationship.  We have not.  We will not.  What we can aspire to is to have a good, Godly relationship as our goal and we all know that can only happen on the foundation of truth.  There is a reason, known to the four of us, that we have adopted as one of our family's tenents, "better the ugly truth than a pretty lie."  Where lies are told, where truth is hidden, where secrets are kept, God cannot be.  And, I want our relationship to be one where God stands on top of, underneath, beside, behind and in front of us.  So, we give one another permission to be honest, to tell the truth, to speak from the heart.  Even when it's ugly, even when it's painful, even when it drops us to our knees because where truth is God is.  From the bottom to the top of my mother's heart, thank you for allowing truth to be our glue.  For allowing me to share my truths with you and for being brave in sharing your truth with me.  It is making an eternal difference.

* God's promises are real and can be counted on!  In Proverbs 22:6, we are told to, "Train up a child in the way he should go and when he is old, he will not depart from it."  While I (and, your dad) started out doing a pretty solid, good job of that, I think, what I did not do, was follow through with that when our lives got tough.  With our move to Georgetown, we moved our family's hearts from being circled around our heavenly Father to being circled around things of this world.  It would be simpler and less painful to place blame on another for that reality, but the truth is, deep down, I knew what our family was doing was wrong and I did not take a definitive and firm stand against it.  I was not brave.  You cannot build your family on the foundation of a Holy God if you are standing on the rock of this world.  I knew that then but I did not fight against what I knew as truth as I should have.  So, there have been consequences in our family's foundation.  In your life.  In mine.  What I have been taught through this process is that God is faithful to His promises, one of which is "to train up a child….and, when he/she is old, they will not depart from it.  You know the truth.  You were taught it as a child.  I want you to know that to the very best of my ability, I will claim that truth for the balance of my and/or your days and pray that the failures of your parents, of your mother, are ones you can forgive as you remember for whom it is you are called to live.  Where I have failed you as your mother, God has not, as your heavenly Father.  

* You are not going to always agree with me, and sometimes, your lack of agreement may be right.  Perhaps one of the most shocking things to me as a mother is that you will have your own opinions about things.  More shocking is that….gasp…..I can be wrong.  When you blend the two together….Your opinion about things might be right and I might be wrong….it is a bitter pill to swallow.  I have had a few of those epiphanies…especially these past few years.  The older I get, the more I understand that I do not have the market on truth, on right versus wrong, nor do I have a special insight into the hearts of others.  I don't.  Motherhood does not bring with it a magical power to know all things.  Shocking as that is to write, it is truth.  You have taught me this humble truth and as a result, I am growing in humility.  And, even better, I am growing in seeking out the wisdom of a Holy God who is wise and right.  And, as painful as learning this concept has been, I am glad for the lessons.  

* Always keep the door open! One of my most favorite things about our relationship is that we try to "always keep the door open."  Now a days, our lives are fairly smooth sailing.  This has not always been the case.  In times past, we had very deep and personal struggles.  That is evident.  Our family's foundation has been shaken to the point of breaking…and yet, never one time did you ever shut the door on me.  And, I hope you never felt I shut the door on you.  And, I want you to know that I am grateful for that.  When you leave the door open, love can come inside. And, that is why I believe we are close today.  Even in the most difficult, complicated, and painful of times, we left the door to one another open.  We may have screwed down the windows….we may have taken a mental break from one another, but we always kept the door to each other open.  And, because we did……love came inside.  And, love is the tie that binds the hearts of a mother and her child.  Unconditional, unreserved, non-judgmental and fully open love.  It is what God calls us to do.  And, I pray that it is what we have and what we always will have.  Let's always keep the door to one another open…..fully…..for, where love is….God lives.

* Have fun!  I don't think I have laughed as much with you three as I have these past five years.  And, that laughter has made all the difference in our lives.  I didn't realize the importance of laughter in our home until it was gone….and, as it came back, that sweet sound has melted my Mama's heart like joy with her children can do.  I think you have a pretty fun childhood.  I can look at pictures of you (thank God I took so many) and I see evidence of great and grand times.  But, it is the laughter I share with you now which touches my heart to the point of bursting.  Sometimes, I lay in bed at night and hear the three of you kidding and joking with one another…and, it is a precious thing.  Other times, we are all gathered around the kitchen laughing and sharing and playing….and, I think how precious are the moments.  When I close my eyes, I can hear each of you spreading laughter and joy within the walls of our home….reminding me to let go…have fun….and, I am grateful.

* To be someone you want to be around.  Ian and I have talked a great deal about the kind of parents/grand parents we pray we grow into because we understand that you never finish growing as parents, you are always becoming.  You have taught me/us that as you grow into full adulthood, your time will become more precious.  You will have significant others who will claim your attention in a way we no longer will be able to.  So, we understand that it is important to be parents you want to be around when you can.  That is our goal.  And, the interesting twist is that it's not about spending money on you, or always doing what you want to do, or giving into your every whim.  We are growing to realize that what you want from us is to be seen….and heard….That when we are with you, we are "with you"….that means that we will have to often step outside of our comfort zones and be willing to explore things you like to do, be with people you like to be with, take on new ideas, new friends, new technologies…all for the sake of staying close.  Sometimes, it means we are with you one-on-one and don't include your siblings.  Other times, it means you want to go be with your friends and our only time with you that day will be the hour before bed time when we can talk and visit (sometimes, it means we stay up late just to do that talking and visiting).  Other times, it means that our only means of conversation will be a few texts in-between military training or a late at night  "ILY" or "ILY2".  Fortunately, many times, it means that you will commit to being with us for special occasions…or even ordinary occasions which become special because you chose to be with us.  We want to be people you want to be around.

* To be someone on whom you can count on all the time, a "constant" in your lives.  One thing I have learned, especially since the boys have gone through BMT is that lots of the time, you just want to know there is someone out there who will ALWAYS be there for you to the best of their ability.  You don't always need us to "do" things for you and in fact, at this stage of life, we try not to do for you but with you…or, we try to teach you how to do them yourselves.  When you were little, and I would take you somewhere to play, a park, the playground of a school, at a friend's house, I would take you, then sit back and watch you play.  Often…..for a long time….you would come to me, pat my hand or get a kiss or just look over at me with a smile and then resume your playing.  I see you doing that even now.  Many times, you will venture off to your life's activities, but you will call, or text, or even come to me and check in on your progress.  "Mama, what do you think?"   "Mama, I am considering."  Even now as your sister is going through so much transition, I am realizing that she is not really seeking my opinion, she is seeking my presence.  When you text me from Texas asking for help working through getting payment to your account, when you ask Ian to help make sure you checked the oil in your car correctly, when you question me about an IRA versus a Mutual Fund, you are not really needing me to tell you what to do.  You are using me as a sounding board.  I am just grateful that you care what I think.  I hope I'll always be a worthy listener.

The list of things you have taught me could go on forever….mainly because I learn from you every single day.  I just include those things God has laid on my heart today.  But, one final thing, I want to leave you with that you have taught me is to let go.

* Let It Go.  One of you told me the other day, "Mama, let it go. The bad, sad, ugly things you see in yourself, in your decisions, in your life are in the past as far as we are concerned  We don't see them.  Let them go."  Instead of me encouraging you, you lifted me by telling me "you are a good Mama, you are not perfect nor are we. We are imperfect together."  And, so I do and I can.  It is a blessing to have children in front of whom you can be who you are and they still chose to love you.  So you have taught me, the more real I am with you, the more real you can be with me.  And, the more real we are with one another, the more we can let things go.  As Madison said today, "Mama, I forgive you for the same reason you forgive me….because you sought my forgiveness just as I have yours and that has made all the difference."

I love you children.  With all of my heart.  I always have.  I always will.

On that you can place your trust.

"more than all the sand on all the beaches in all the world."

"More than all the stars in all the sky in all the world."

"more than all the blades of grass on all the fields in all the world."

I love you,

Mama