As Only Your Mama Can…..

May 31, 2014

The Making of a Son……

Only God can knit a son in the womb of a mother. 

And, only God can decide and bring to being the knitting of two sons….but, to the mother who is given the opportunity to be used as such a vessel, there comes blessings…His blessings.

Long before I received the call that you boys were on your way, God whispered into my heart your journey's beginning…so, while receiving the news was a wonderful gift, it was no surprise to this Mama's heart.  Rather, it was confirmation that the stirrings in my soul during my quiet moments with Him were based on truth.

His truth.

For the first five months of my pregnancy with you, I walked….and talked with God.  I made sincere, but perhaps naïve promises to Him that if he would get you boys here safely (and, I always felt you to be boys), that I would do my very best to raise you in Him.   

So, I walked and promised and I prayed and promised and I sang to you and promised….Lord, get them here safely and I will hold them close to you until they can stand beside you alone.

I now understand that all the promises in the world, even those of a mother, are just that….promises.  While well intended, promises are hard to keep and even harder to try to keep.

What I learned by being your mother is that the best I can do is pray….and, love.  And, faithfully give you over to God every day, every day……every day.

Because, Kenton and Johnson, my beloved boys…..what God has taught me these past nineteen years is that you are not my sons, but His.  You are on loan to me for but a short time to love and grow and nurture in Him.  Nothing I can personally do will make you a great man and thankfully, nothing I can do can keep you from being who God intended.

Thank God.

It is the Grace of a loving Heavenly Father who whispers these truths to the heart of your mother because, you see….have seen….and will see…. that your earthly mother is perfectly imperfect.  And, that is okay.

God does not call for perfection from Mothers.  He calls for love….

And, that I can do.

That, I have done.

That, I will continue to do all the days of your lives.

If all I give you, all I leave you as my legacy, is the knowledge that your Mama loves you with all of her heart, all of the time, in all ways, for all of your days….

Then, I will have accomplished the mission God gave me when He gave me you…

I strive to be a humble Mama….never counting my word as "gospel"…….but, of this I am absolutely, perfectly, totally confident,

I love you

I love you both, each, all

I love you as only your Mama can

I love you with the heart God gave me some 19 plus years ago when he knit you in my womb

I love you today

I loved you yesterday

And, I will love you all the tomorrows to come

I will stand in front of, beside and behind you both literally with my physical body and figuratively with my Mama's soul

Being your mother has been one of the greatest gifts of my life both here on earth and for eternity's purpose…..and, I thank God often that of all the mothers in all of the world through all of the ages, for some reason, he chose me….

To be your mother….

Total proof of His great love for me……

My genuine prayer for you is that you grow close to God for the balance of your days…each in your own way….

For only God can knit a son and only God can grow a son into the man He intended. 

What I can do is love you….

And, I do.

"more than all of the stars in all of the skies in all of the world" I love you, Kenton

"more than all of the blades of grass in all of the fields in all of the world" I love you, Johnson

Happy 19th Birthday!

ILYAOYMC,

Mama

Senior Moments…..                                                    May 28, 2014

I have had a front row seat watching Johnson play some type of ball since he was a toddler.  His first true sentence as a verbose little fellow was, "Ma Ma….I Ball".  His birth announcement was a "mama created" Wildcat one and his nursery was UK Blue which his Grammy Shirle made for him and his brother.  It came with UK blue bedding and even headboard with the UK Wildcat on it.

There are many things which make up my son, Johnson…..but, a big part of him is "ball".

When he was little, you could see the cogs running fast in his brain as he stood full stand on the kid-sized picnic table and shot hoops until the sun set and we had to call him in for bath time.  I stood there many days and nights watching him repetitiously shoot the same ball through the same goal; hit the same ball off the same tee….over and over and over.  He was dreaming.  And, I had the special honor of watching those dreams form.

He had dreams, and they were large. 

It was around that time that I heard Eva Self speak at a women's retreat and we adopted as a family the quote her mother shared with her, 

"Honey…you gotta dream big dreams, really, really big dreams…and, you gotta believe in those dreams because baby, if Jesus lives in your dreams, your dreams will live."

Now, as a young mother, I didn't know if Johnson would play professional ball, high school ball or if his ball days would end when he was young, but that didn't matter to me.  What mattered was that he dream….and, that Jesus would live in his dreams.

And, I know in his own way, He has and He does.

As he got older, we would walk as a family down the street to a little local baseball field and practice our hitting, throwing and especially running the bases.  I will never forget the day my children started beating me "home"….

It was a life-changing moment for this Mama…..

I knew that some day they would grow away from our home and to their own.

Thank God that He gives us time with our babies to absorb that idea for it takes the seasons of life to prepare a Mama's heart.

I believe Johnson has played about every sport possible to him within our local community:  soccer, t-ball, baseball, football, basketball, yard ball, monkey in the middle ball, bathtub ball, spit ball, roll down the hill like a ball ball, softball, powder-puff ball (okay, he just watched), catch….he played them all.

If I close my eyes, I can see his little baby hands at birth grow to little toddler hands, then to young man hands and now to what I have personally held….a man's hands.

And, as God as my witness, I cannot count the moments I have thanked HIM for giving me him.

A Mama loves all of her children.  Each has their own special place deep within her heart where God resides and this is true for my son, Johnson.

I have felt his pulse close to my heart all of his life but especially these past four years…..while I have not been the perfect mother and he, not the perfect son, our love for mother to son and son to mother has been imperfect-perfection.

He allows me to be transparent, real and authentic.  We tell one another the truth, even when it is ugly and especially when it is beautiful.  We have fought away from one another and mostly toward one another.  I have stood my ground with him and as result, my heart has grown stronger.  He has forgiven my mistakes, and as a result, his heart has grown more tender.

I have stood behind him in truth and he has stood in front of me in love.

We have cried together and we have laughed out loud…Tears-100    Laughter-1,000,000

He has kept me awake with worry and has brought peaceful sleep by sending me a text, "Mama, I made it."

His texting "ILY" which comes to me often times so unexpected has seared itself on my heart like a branding from God.

"Mommy" sounds the sweetest from his lips and yes, I can be known to give in when maybe I shouldn't when hearing those words.

He costs me a ton of money and a million gray hairs.

He hacks me off like no other and yet, draws me close to God with life lessons only Johnson can teach his mother.

It is mainly because of him that I have learned that IF and WHEN I truly love my children, I have to give them to God over and over and over again…..

For, Johnson has taught me….I do not own him.  He is but a gift and those days I have with him are precious ones which I count sacred….

For, the love of a child is a gift without measure.

Johnson has taught me that and oh, so much more….

I pray God gifts us with many, many more seasons in this thing we call life and that He gives me the wisdom to appreciate the value of this gift….

In this son He gave me…Johnson

ILYAOYMC,

I love you more than all the blades of grass on all of the fields in all of the world…..

Mama

I Sit Front Row and Watch My Son Become a Man                          May 16, 2014

 

I confess, I have a child who so reminds me of me that the watching him grow at times brings highest highs and fiercest pain

My Kenton….he is the middle child who I work hard to keep off center and more to forefront, but his heart is so tender and shy that it is a hard mother's task and unless a mother works at it hard, she will miss the opportunities.  I pray God…do not let me miss a single one

He loves deeply

He feels fervently

He patiently awaits his time and if a mother is not careful, he will be overlooked because he is not one to shout out loud for neither attention nor honor

He was a precious baby, a sweetheart toddler, a gentle teenager and is now a loving young man

I could not feel more proud

I could not be more blessed

He moves along in life, coming to maturity at slow pace and in his own time, just as God intended

The package of a man God put together in Kenton is total:  heart, mind, body and spirit

God gives you these children…you, an imperfect mother without a clue on how to grow them right, and places them in your care and you eventually realize, no skill you have can ever deserve the gift He gives….and, so, you do all you know to do…

You love them

You love him

You love HIM and Them

He gave me four such blessings….all wrapped up in soft, silky skin come hard fought and as a result of skinned, prayer- bent- knees

I love my babies, each and every one of them….those I've come to know and the one who's  gone before us to pave the way, and each one brings to my heart such great emotions that I am confounded to place a word on how deeply they touch my soul

Way deep, deep in the place where Jesus lives in my heart…it's where the love for my children was borne…and, where I go when I know not where else to go..it's where I go tonight for my son Kenton….who travels a journey on which all I can do is pose with him for a son-requested picture, watch as he packs, remind him to shave and feel his large, manly hand squeeze my as only this son can as his Ladder and I pray God's blessing and protection not only on his body but also on his soul

I love him….more than all of the stars in all of the skies in all of the world….and, he leaves our home knowing above all things….

Mama loves him…..a big, deep, son-loving/mother-loving kind of love that only God can give and bless and grow

I sent to the 123 Airlift Wing a boy-child-man and I pray they return to me a man who they see upfront the potential and work and grow and develop him into a man who is like no other…the one God intended him to be

It is because of men-possibilities like my son, Kenton, that I have faith in our country….he is all things honorable and noble and right which is as it should be….

So, tonight as I watch him salute his mother a goodbye until Sunday, I don't feel tears well because of fear or trepidation or anxious heart….I feel them well to over pouring down my face because of all the Mamas in all the world, for some reason….

God chose me

To be this fine son's Mama…..

And, I am bent with grateful heart

ILYAOYMC, Kenton

Mama

 

He Who I Married....Is A Giver

He, Who I Married...is a Giver... 

You came into my and my children's lives unexpectedly and yet, you have been such a humble and precious blessing to all of us.  You loved us, you cared for us, and you walked beside us quietly and formidably, providing a shelter from what was a storm in our life.

You did not push, but waited patiently on us to heal.

You loved me deeply, sweetly and mightily so that there was no doubt I was worthy.

You loved my daughter in such a way that she was able to remember "whose" she was and is

You loved my son with such tender, manly compassion that he was able to grow and become

You loved my son with a reverence for his heart that he was able to find peace

You are a giver of the best kind…

You give yourself

And, in that giving…that precious sharing, you blanketed me and my children so that we were able to grow back closer to God and because of that, I am forever grateful

You shared your heart, your patience and your personal self so that we could find our way

You reminded us that the sound of laughter in a home is a blessing, and that "if it's important to us, it's important to you"

You have taught me to trust….and my children to believe

You are a giver of the most precious kind…

In all of your giving, you ask nothing in return

Nothing

And, because of your unconditional love and giving….

We have found self-love, love of one another….and love of God.

Happy Anniversary, Husband

My friend, my joy….my life

Wife

 

As Only Your Mama Can……                                                             

       February 20, 2014

 "The Prayer Jar"

 

I have always been a pretty consistent person of prayer.  When I lived at 661 Cherrywood Drive in Radcliff, Kentucky, my Great Granny taught me..

Jesus, Tender, Shepherd hear me,

Bless the little children tonight…

In the darkness be thou near me,

Keep me safe 'till the early morning's light

I later came to realize it was a prayer originally written by Mary Duncan, and when Grammy was pregnant with my sweet brother, Jim, someone gave her a lamp with a little lamb and the first portion of the prayer written on it.  I remember sneaking into his room and turning on the little light with my smallish hands (it had a small, twisty knob) and it would light up the little lamb.

As I grew older, my prayers grew longer and more purposeful and with great confidence in Him

As I grew older still, sadly, my prayers grew more about asking God for things…healing, jobs, joy

As I grew into womanhood, I began praying with other women friends in Bible studies….Some women I really enjoyed hearing were Mary Wooten and June Valentine… Carol Anderson and Linda and Kelly Oldach, Barbara Neller and Judy Leek…Helen McFadden and I prayed until we could no longer pray….Tammy Nischan and Patty Rhodes…Karen Locklear and the list goes on and on.  I am blessed to have in my life many prayer-warrior women and that has made all the difference.  There were sacred moments of prayer kneeling with Tracy Cowart which forever changed my life.  I remember praying with my Daddy when his daddy died….and my hearing my mother pray with the little children in Bible class.

My brother Chuck prayed with the young men at church during a youth event and I remember thinking…he's a man.

My brother Jim is a man of precious and heart-felt prayers….I have prayed with him during all seasons of his and my life.  And, I am changed as a result.

Jay has very lovely prayers….full of purpose and direction and reflection.

But the sweetest, heart melting prayers have come from my babies…and, I carry in my Mama's heart folding over your little hands in sweet prayer…teaching you early on what my great-Granny taught me…

We prayed a lot.  We said prayer words.  Sang prayer songs. 

Your mama believes in prayers….in praying….in the power of prayer

I pray one of the legacies I leave to you is that you, too, will be a prayer-warrior woman and that you won't just say the words, but will believe in the power of God's response.

I pray in all ways as do many: while in the shower, in the car, walking around the block, folding clothes.  I pray in the rain, snow, sunshine and storms.  I pray when happy, sad, broken, joyful.

I've prayed the "Eat, Pray, Love" prayer of Julia Roberts….in the movie of the same name at the darkest time in my life.  I've prayed the "shout it from the mountain tops" prayer the moment I found out I was pregnant with you, baby Joseph and your brothers. 

Every time you pray, I believe, you give a little piece of your heart back to God.

So, pray, baby…..pray often and in faith

While I am a woman who prays faithfully, frequently and fervently….what I am not good to do is to leave my prayers in the hands of God and surrender them….

If I don't get an immediate answer,

If I don't hear a quick response or see rapid change,

If I pray and pray and pray for the same thing over and over and over

I have, at times, lost hope…

Hope that God was hearing my prayers,

Hope that God was responding to my prayers,

Hope that God could see my desperation as I prayed and prayed and prayed….

And, while intellectually, I know better….

Within my heart…..it was hard, at times, to believe that He heard, understood and is/was responding. 

As I get older….I know that not only does God hear my prayers, see my praying, feel with me as I share my heart…

He does answer.  He always answers.  He faithfully and fervently answers.

IN HIS TIME

And, His time is not necessarily "my" time

His ways are not necessarily "my" ways

I've come to not only acknowledge this and accept this and understand this, but I have come to appreciate and respect and hope for this…

For when you give over your heart in prayer to God…and, you receive His answer….

You are blessed beyond measure….and, in ways you cannot even imagine, just as promised in Ephesians 3:20.

One thing I have done over the years to help me in this is to write down my prayers.  I've written them in books, journals, index cards, my Bible.  I've written them on my calendar, my computer and my cell phone.

This year, I started a Prayer Jar…..

I write down on little cards my and our family's prayers…pray…and then, put the card in the jar.  Once a week, I get out all of the cards and look at them…pray…and enjoy seeing how God has already answered so many of my/our prayers, see ones which are still waiting for an answer.

Amazing it is to see God's creativity and sweet tender response to our prayers…..already….in just one and one-half months of 2014.

Some are longer, lengthy prayers, some are simply the name of an individual, and some are in memory of a loved one who has gone to heaven…

All bless my heart….change my vision….touch my soul.

My prayer for you and your brothers is that you will always find your way to God through prayer….and, will always know that He will always answer you.

In that you can have full faith and confidence.

ILYAOYMC,

Mama

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

As Only Your Mama Can... 

Life Lesson Number 6:  Find Out Who You Are And Do It On Purpose              

"Find out who you are and do it on purpose" 

                                                                          ~ Dolly Parton.   

I sincerely believe that so many people spend so much of their lives trying to figure out who they are that they become unable to be who God intended them to be.  I also sincerely believe that so many people spend so much time of their lives trying to figure out who THEY are, that they become unable to see who others are…and in the so-doing, live lives of constantly seeking and never truly being.

When you don't know who you are….it can be paralyzing.  

But, when you realize who you are….it can be freeing.

So, I want to share some truths that have helped me in hopes that they might help you, too…..because if you spend all your days wrapped up in the expedition of figuring out who you are, you miss out on a life of being in the presence of others……..and, baby, I believe that God wants us to share Him by being in the presence of others….

1)  You are a child of God: John 1:12 "But to all who have received him…those who believe in His name, he has given the right to become God's children."

I can promise you this, I have known about you since September of 1989.  And, since that time, I have known that you were a gift to me, but that you were a Child of Him.  When I first felt you move in my tummy, I knew the most glorious holiness of God…..and, I began reading that passage in Psalm 139:

For you created Madison's inmost being;
    you knit her together in my mother’s womb.
¹⁴ I praise you because she is fearfully and wonderfully made;
    your works are wonderful,
    I know that full well.
¹⁵Her frame was not hidden from you
    when she was made in the secret place,
    when Madison was woven together in the depths of the earth.
¹⁶ Your eyes saw her unformed body;
    all the days ordained for her were written in your book
    before one of them came to be.
¹⁷ How precious to me are your thoughts,^[a] God!
    How vast is the sum of them!
¹⁸ Were I to count them,
    they would outnumber the grains of sand—
    when I awake, I am still with you.

I can make no promises to you in life except this one….You are His Child, in that you may be confident.  Whether or not you chose to live as His child during the days He gives you on this earth will always be up to you.  But, you can live in confidence of this truth. 

You are His baby girl, little princess, sweetheart, darling, love,

His hope and His treasure and His Jewel

2) You have been chosen of God and are holy and beloved:  Colossians 3:12.

When you are chosen of God…and, you are…you are Holy….You are Beloved…and, Colossians says you are "dearly loved".  There is a strength that passes from God to you as a person, an individual, a girl, a woman, when you can know with confidence that the maker of all the heavens and earth dearly loves you.  This power gives you the ability to live differently….humbly….sacrificially and yet boldly in your life because you don't have to doubt the value of your life.  You can know that you are of great worth.  And, you can know that others have great worth.  It makes it simpler to do as he asks…..

Therefore, as God’s chosen people, holy and dearly loved, clothe yourselves with compassion, kindness, humility, gentleness and patience. ¹³ Bear with each other and forgive one another if any of you has a grievance against someone. Forgive as the Lord forgave you. ¹⁴ And over all these virtues put on love, which binds them all together in perfect unity.

¹⁵ Let the peace of Christ rule in your hearts, since as members of one body you were called to peace. And be thankful. ¹⁶ Let the message of Christ dwell among you richly as you teach and admonish one another with all wisdom through psalms, hymns, and songs from the Spirit, singing to God with gratitude in your hearts. ¹⁷ And whatever you do, whether in word or deed, do it all in the name of the Lord Jesus, giving thanks to God the Father through him. 

3) You have been set free in Christ. Galatians 5:1: "It is for freedom that Christ has set us free. Stand firm, then, and do not let yourselves be burdened again by a yoke of slavery."

You do not have to live in this world as if you are a resident of this world.  God has set you free in Christ to live as Christ lives.  You are not bound to the opinion of others, to follow the path that sin would lead you down, to carry the burden of sinfulness.  You are not a slave of this world.  You are free in Him to live beyond this world.  

Slavery is defined as "the state of a person who is chattel of another." "Chattel is tangible or moveable property."  So, slavery means that you are owned by another who moves you around at his will, not yours.

God has set you free.  You are the chattel of no one…the slave of no one unless you give yourself to someone or to something.  REMEMBER that.

No one today can own you without your permission.  They may be able to imprison your physical body, but they cannot force ownership of your heart, your spirit, your mind, your soul.

Remember that.

You have been set free to do and live and be…..and, in that freedom is a power which enables you to do and live and be…..whatever you want to be.  Choose to be something which makes an eternal difference in the time He gives you on this earth.

4) The Peace of God Guards Your Heart and Mind: Philippians 4:7

As you are likely learning in your Social Work classes, many a poor decision is made when an individual is anxious or afraid.  Relationships are broken, friendships are lost, people are hurt and even killed because someone was so stressed that they reacted to a situation rather than acted on conscious choice.  As a counselor, you will spend much time attempting to address an individual's anxiety and to help them come to a place of peace in their lives so that they can make good decisions and therefore, find a healthier peace.

We can have this peace by doing the following…….

"Rejoice in the Lord always. I will say it again: Rejoice! ⁵ Let your gentleness be evident to all. The Lord is near. ⁶ Do not be anxious about anything, but in every situation, by prayer and petition, with thanksgiving, present your requests to God. ⁷ And the peace of God, which transcends all understanding, will guard your hearts and your minds in Christ Jesus.

 

⁸ Finally, brothers and sisters, whatever is true, whatever is noble, whatever is right, whatever is pure, whatever is lovely, whatever is admirable—if anything is excellent or praiseworthy—think about such things. ⁹ Whatever you have learned or received or heard from me, or seen in me—put it into practice. And the God of peace will be with you. 

God did not intend for us to carry the burdens of this life alone.  He gave us family, friends, spouses, mates, children, others to walk with us through this journey…but, most importantly, He gave us Himself….He tells us,

"The Lord is near…give all over to Him and he will give us the peace which transcends"

"The Lord will fight for us; we only need to be still"  Exodus 14:14

When you choose to give over all things to Him, you are choosing to find peace that will enable you to life a more joyful, productive and peaceful life.  You have to choose.  Over and over and over again…..it is a journey…this decision to choose. 

5) Your body is a temple of the Holy Spirit who dwells in you: I Corinthians 6:19 "Do you not know that you are God's temple and that God's Spirit lives in you?"

We don't talk a lot about the Holy Spirit, but we should.  From the Holy Spirit comes the power to live for God in your daily living.  The Trinity…God, Jesus and the Holy Spirit are three in one.  I don't understand how it all works, but I believe that it does work.

I always envisioned the Holy Spirit to the fire that lights up a lighthouse and causes it to be a beacon of direction and hope to the sailors on the sea.  If left unattended, it will die out and be of no value to those who would use its light to find their way safely home.  But, when attended and stoked and cared for, it sheds it beams across the ocean and those who would otherwise be lost are now found! 

The Holy Spirit is POWERFUL.

Remember that.

We are given the Holy Spirit….we are told to seek the Holy Spirit….we are encouraged to ask it to reside in us and to make us alive.  We are told not to grieve the Holy Spirit.

We are encouraged to believe in the Holy Spirit.

And, I do.  And, I hope you do, too.

"Have all of the Holy Spirit and let the Holy Spirit have all of you"…..and, see what a difference that makes in your daily living.

6) You are redeemed and forgiven by the Grace of God: Ephesians 1:7 "in Him we have redemption through His blood, the forgiveness of our trespasses, according to the riches of His grace.

I believe this with all of my heart…..IF we would make a list of the sins of our own personal lives, the things we have done, not done, the words we have spoken, the gossip we have shared, the physical sins we have committed, the hatred we have poured out, the lying, deceiving, stealing, murdering in our hearts, the sexual immorality, arrogance, mean-spiritedness and selfishness….etc. etc. etc. If we had a wall on which to write down every sin we had ever committed since birth…..

We would drop to our knees in despair

In hopelessness

In fear

And, as we lay prostrate on the floor…..

We saw the presence of God walk over with His hand slowly and carefully and perfectly wipe away every sin…

Every misdeed, mis-thought, misappropriation of our spite and wickedness….

And, watch Him wipe and clear and remove….

Until the wall was pure and white and untarnished….

We would be forever changed in how we live our lives

And, in how we view the lives of others.

When such a gift….of forgiveness…is given to us so purely, so tenderly, so freely….

At such a cost to Jesus…

In our name, He took our sins

At such a cost to God…

How can we not help but be changed?

When the grace of the one who made us is poured out upon us so that our wall of sinful living is wiped clean and as pure as snow….

That is Grace….

And, if we are given this gift from Him,

Isn't it right that we allow His grace to pour into us and through us and to His children whom are in our lives….?

In His name

That is Grace personified….

Grace given and grace received are graceful gifts He gives to us and calls upon us to give to others…

There are so many more ways in which we can determine who we are, but most important is to know WHO's we are…..

You don't have to guess.  You don't have to wonder.

You know.

You have found yourself.  You have done it on purpose.

You don't have to spend the balance of your days wondering.

You are free to live for Him, through Him and because of Him….

And, that will make all the difference.

Blessings,

Mama