I Love the Joys Which Come With Summer!

The mother in me loves the joys which come with Summer.  The children are able to sleep in late.  The mother is able to sit in the quiet of the early morning and rest in peace knowing her babies are all nestled in their beds.  The “Ladder” is holding down the fort and maintaining safety while blessing the quiet time of wife and mother.

The joyfulness of summertime reminds me of perpetual Sunday mornings and those who know me know how much I love my Sunday mornings!

And, with each Summer, I am able to reflect on those summer’s past and smile…

Summer, over the years, has brought with it so many “puddle-licious” fun things.  When my children were smallish, we would sleep in -  all soft and warm and cozy in our bed.  I would get up and fix my famous French toast with lots of butter and syrup and grape juice.  When it was all ready, I would call the children down to the table and we would figure out what exciting adventure we would do for the day.   Sweet are the memories of my barefoot children bounding down the stairs and into our kitchen/family room while the sun was rising above the trees.  Their hair in crazy bed-head poses and their eyes still trying to wake up from their dreams.  Morning brought with it much laughter and frolicking at our home when my children were young.

“What are we going to do today?” was the big question.

“What do you want to do?” was my reply.

“I want to build a fort.  I want to go to the “pond” (a duck pond down the road), I want to swing in the tree swing.  I want to have Grant over to play.  I want to swing upside down on the swing.  I want to go to the park.  I want to have a picnic.  I want to go to the movies.  I want to set up the basketball.  I want to play Barbies.  I want to go get an ice cream cone.  I want to ride my bike.  I want to go fishing.  I want to go swimming.  I want to explore the attic.  Can we go to McDonalds?  Can we go visit Grammy and Poppy?  Can we go to the ball park?  Let’s play with our water guns.  Let’s sit on the roof.  Let’s climb to the top of the tree out back.”

I want to….Can we…Let’s were frequent sentence starts at our home during summertime.  Precious, precious words.

It was a common thing for me to get caught up in their dream-list and I confess up front to being an adventurous mother, saying yes to many of their wishes.

Can we bring our outdoor castle inside the family room?  Yes

Can we have over ten kids to play with on the same day?  Yes

Can we eat pizza for breakfast and cereal for dinner?  Yes

Can I wear my “play dresses and jewelry” to church?  Yes

Can we eat popsicles on the porch?  Yes

Can we buy ice cream from the ice cream truck?  Yes  Can you loan me the money to do so?  Yes

Can we make forts with your family quilts?  Yes

Can we? Yes

Can we? Yes

Can we? Yes

Summer brought with it many yes-es  and  it made for a joyful season in my and my children’s lives.

You were permitted not to make your bed every day during Summer.  You were allowed to walk outside in your bare feet and pajamas.  Dinner could be eaten outside on the picnic table.  Canning jars could be used to collect lightening bugs.  Rocks could be pushed aside to locate nefarious bugs.

Lest you think our home was total mayhem, I share that I ran our home in a pretty tidy, organized fashion when my children were small.  Once they hit kindergarten, they were home-schooled in the summer (well, except for Friday’s).  We took 30 minutes each day to do Mequon Math, read, and work on our hand-writing.  Our dining table became our school desk and sweet are the memories I have of excited children sitting in chairs pulled up to our table working on their “summer” assignments.

We worked on etiquette…writing thank you notes to family members, sending notes to those at church who were sick.  We memorized poetry and read out loud to one another. 

And, we talked and dreamed and drew close to one another in a way only done when you are young and innocent and free.

Sometimes, when I close my eyes at night and reflect on those sweet times, I can still see their little feet dangling from those tall, dining room chairs, see their chocolate embraced faces and hear their sweet little lilting laughter and giggles.  Melts my mother’s heart.

And, then they grew.

As my children grew into school aged children, our summers became more purposeful.  They grew more opinionated about how late they should get to stay up at night, how far around the neighborhood they should be able to ride their bikes and how late they should get to sleep in in the mornings.  They began to have more say in how their days were spent and it generally made for great fun.

They still enjoyed a good bout with nature and we began making serious trips to visit their  grandparents.  Every summer when my children were young, we would go to my parents for a few days of fishing, rolling in the grass and dipping into the pond.  My daddy put the first rifle in each of my children’s (and two nieces/cousins’) hands teaching them the right way to fire a weapon.  Going to Grammy and Poppy’s house was an adventure like no other.  Their home was old and smelled like wood and stone and summer fun.  Their yard was a virtual playground for lightning bugs and cook outs and yelling at the top of your lungs. 

Cousins Emily and Kelsey were around the same age and lived close by so they would join in on the Summer fun at Grammy and Poppy’s.  In fact, a sweet tradition was started.  Once every summer, we met and “traded.”  One summer, we would meet them “half way” between our home and theirs and my children would go with their cousins to their home for a few days.  The next year, we would meet at the same, country convenient store and they would come back with us to our home.  We have many sweet photos of these “swaps” over the years.  Precious, cousin-fun at its best.

As my children grew older, we added sports to the summer mix.  I won’t digress here, but suffice it to say that in our family the rule was, “you were going to be an athlete.  You will either be a good athlete or a bad athlete, but you are going to be an athlete”.  And, while there are things about this season of our lives I would most certainly do differently, I will say that there is a purpose and reason to play organized sports and our family played!  A lot.

Later, as my children became middle schoolers, summer was all about the friends.  Friends stayed over most weekends, friends ate over most days, friends played over most evenings.  I was one of a few stay-at-home mothers on our street and we began to understand the need for organized play.  Cheryl Zimmerman and her children became near and dear to our summer-time lives and zoo time, free summer movie flicks and trips to the community pool were staples to our days.  Our boys climbed trees and built forts and played night ball tag.  Years of four square and monkey in the middle were played in our driveway circle.  Most amusing to me were the games the kids would make up and then fight over because someone broke the rules.  Break the rules of a made-up game?  Absolutely!  Cheryl and I tried to let them work it out and watched as they forged their friendships.  And,  because we were able to do that, she and I grew close and our children did as well.  There was no side-taking or judging.  We treated one another’s children as our own.  And, they were.

I will never forget our first summer in Georgetown…my boys and Cheryl’s son decided to have a water balloon fight.  Thus, the need to fill up hundreds of water balloons.  And, they did just that.  All over  my brand new, freshly painted bathroom!  Needless to say, they were grounded for a long time from having water balloon fights (well, at least for that day).

We hiked together and swam together and swung together.  We at peanut butter sandwiches and hot dogs and hamburgers.  We made s'mores and got sticky and had fun.

We collected bugs in jars and then in store-bought bug catchers.  We had bug nets and worm containers.  We found birds and snakes and stray animals.

It was a magical season of our lives and we were blessed to share it with such wonderful families, but especially the Zimmerman’s!

Now, as I write this and reflect on our summers with teenagers and young adults, it is a very different season in life.  Yes, they still love staying up late watching TV and movies and sleeping in late the next morning.  Yes, they still don’t make their beds very often and can be found walking outside in their bare feet and pajamas (well…their shorts and t-shirts).  Yes, they still love a good popsicle, the fridge door is never closed because they are forever scrounging for food and they still enjoy a good bon fire with friends.

But, it is different.

Summers now are different.

For a while, I was a little sad with the difference.  It is more quiet even when they are all at home.  It is more serious because now they each work jobs and have to negotiate with one another on who can drive the car.  Now, they rather spend time with their girlfriends and friends than with me.  Well, at least it feels that way at timesJ even though they say this is not true.

But, I am learning to appreciate these summer moments.

I am learning to try to be up and “present” when my daughter, Madison, comes in at 7 am from work so we can share a few mother-daughter moments.  I am enjoying hearing about her job and realizing how she truly does help her patients with her kind and compassionate heart.  We discuss many many sweet intimate things which only a mother and daughter would understand.  She is becoming a woman, right here at my kitchen table with the sunlight shining through her hair reflecting and making her look like an angel.  My daughter – child – woman – angel.

I find it a precious sight when my son, Kenton, breezes in the front door post work from McDonalds with a cup of unsweet tea and a straw for me.  Every night since he has worked at McDonald’s, almost without fail, he has brought me a tea….just because.  Joy is felt when he comes through that door and sweetness and light and smiles.  Kenton is my more reserved child, so I do ask him questions which he generally is kind to answer.  At times, he will join me at our kitchen table or on the deck or in the yard and we will just talk.  While he chooses his words (most times) carefully, those he does share are generally seasoned with gentleness and logic and reason.  My son – man to be – gift.

I love it my son Johnson comes home from baseball practice and paces around the kitchen talking to me while I work at the kitchen table.  Johnson is a child who enjoys a good conversation and I have learned that if I just sit and be quite and let him speak, I will learn many things about his heart.  I have been privileged to share in his worries, his fears and his frustrations during times such as these.  I have been humbled to witness his heart, his compassion and his love during our post-practice conversations.  Johnson and I have some pretty deep conversations while he “dougies” around our family room, and he even lets me join in on occasion.  My son- child – man to be – treasure.

So, I am learning that while our summer time fun is waaayyy different that it was twenty two and seventeen years ago, it is still just as precious….just as magical….just as precious.

Of all the gifts God has blessed me with, time with my children is one I consider my greatest. 

What they are is…

Mine.

Gifts loaned to me by God to love, nurture, grow and develop.  Treasures to enjoy and be blessed by.

And, they do not disappoint.

And, while I am tempted to put a caveat (a word or expression of caution) about all I have written here so that anyone reading this will understand that I understand we are far from perfect, I choose not to….just this once….

It’s summer at the Young-McKenzie home….where “love lives” and for the season, we are going to reflect on things positive, and sweet, and precious.  We are going to throw open our windows and sing to the air…we are going to watch movies, visit with friends, go to church and frolic.  We are going to visit the lake, and swim in the pool and dance in the kitchen.  We are going to visit our grandparents and spend time with our friends and play games in the yard.

We will serve others at centers of Hope and Houses of Amen and read books with our siblings (starting with summer reading, The Invisible Man).  We will drive our vehicles with the windows down and the wind blowing in our hair, we will play our music hopefully not too loud and we will make S'mores.

We will be…and enjoy…and laugh….and play…

And, in so-doing, it is my mother’s hope that we will grow bonds stronger, deeper, and wider which will enable us to reflect the “son’s” glory all the rest of the year…..

For, at the end of the summer….at the end of the day…that is all which really matters…

Summer’s Sweet Blessings,

Lesa

“The LORD will fight for you; you need only to be still.”  Exodus 14:14

“Be still and know that I am God.”  Psalm 46:10

“The Lord your God who is going before you will fight for you.” Deuteronomy 1:30

 When God puts His Word in front of you again and again, you come to realize He might be sending you a message.

When God puts people in your path whose message to you mirrors that of the Bible verses God is sending you, you come to realize He possibly is sending you a message.

When the books you read, blogs you scan, comments your friends make, prayers lifted up on your behalf all flow the same direction, you come to realize….

HE might be sending you a message.

I don’t know why I am so slow at getting His message.  This is a flaw in my DNA which frustrates me to no end.  I am like Paul,  that which I don’t want to be like is how I am and how I want to be is how I am not.

Frustrating.

Heartbreaking.

I am learning that life is not so much about what happens to you but how you respond to what happens to you.  It is our reaction in which our faith and surety and Godliness is observed. Intellectually, I have known this most of my life, but in action, I have failed to live out its truth.

No one is perfect.  Life can overwhelm.  Pain can devastate. Poor decisions can alter.  Hidden secrets can maim.

But, we all have a choice in how to respond and where we respond and when we respond to life’s challenges.

I am starting to wonder…

Is there a time God calls us NOT to respond?

To be still….to be quiet…to let Him handle whatever is in our path.

Obviously, there is or the scriptures above would not have been given to us so many years ago.

But, how does one know when to use those particular scripture and not others, which direct you to go and address an issue, a matter, a hurt, an obstacle?

My children and I have been discussing this a lot lately and inevitably, as quickly as our discussion ends, one of the above passages is delivered to my door, or my daily reading, or my Ipad, or via someone’s words to me.

So, we have shared this thought with one another…

What if we just

Be

Still

What if, rather than” taking up arms against a sea of troubles”, we just were still?

What if, rather than “going to the mattress”, we laid low?

What if, rather than taking on things in our human capacity, we gave them over to God and let Him handle them in His spiritual capacity?

And, why is that so hard to do?

What is it about our human-ness that makes us feel we must rush in and “fix” everything?  Some things are such that only God can fix, so our efforts are fruitless and frustrating.  There is a reason for that.  GOD may be teaching us that HE is in control and we are not, regardless of whether we give over our lives to Him or not.

He may be teaching us that IF we give over our control to Him, things will work out “better than we can hope or imagine.”  That, if we “wait upon the Lord”, we are waiting upon the only one who sees the whole picture and who can perfectly fix “it”.

And, while I am apparently a slow practicing student of this concept, I am learning…

As I am growing older, I am realizing that I am growing closer to God.  Not just spiritually, but also physically.  That sooner than later, I will have all the answers to all the questions about all the issues of my life.

For some reason, that makes waiting on Him simpler.

So, when things, people, issues come across my path, which I do not understand, fail to comprehend, am hurt by or even challenged by, I have more ability to lay it at His feet rather than rush on my feet to “fix it”.

And, in that I am finding much peace.

In fact, waiting on him is bringing forth many things to my life…I am not fully mature in these areas; I don’t know that I ever will be, but I am at least growing in the direction of…..

Peace of mind

Not saying things I later regret and for which I have to apologize

Giving myself ample opportunity to “see the other side” of a matter

Not allowing other’s opinions to become my own

Removing the need to judge and refusing the judgment of those other than God

Refusing to be a victim

Keeping those who would hurt me at a distance rather than opening the door to their meanness

Being a giver of grace as has been given to me

Forgiving.  Regardless.

Leaning first on God, and letting Him guide me through

Loving. Loving. Loving.

And, the list grows and grows…

And, the need for the list grows and grows…

In my humanity, I have come to realize that life is a journey of which I will never fully be developed.  The more I live, the greater the depth of my humility.  The larger the number given to my age, the smaller the need to believe I know it all.  I am still wrought with opinion.  I am still bound by bias and ignorance.  I fail to be wholly that which I wish I could be.  But, there is a difference…

Instead of pursing that perfection from a humanly standpoint, I am striving to give over my imperfection to the only One who can give me worth.

Him.

And, in so-doing, I am living according to a new time-table.

His.

And, striving to heed His Message.

to Be Still..... 

Blessings,

Lesa

I Have a Mother Who Loves God

“I remember my mother's prayers and they have always followed me. They have clung to me all my life”
                                                                                                                         ~Abraham Lincoln

The greatest gift a mother can give her child is to point them to God….through her actions, her behavior, her words, her beliefs, her love.  When you are fortunate to have such a mother, you have a great treasure here on earth.
 

And, so I do.  And, so do my brothers and sisters and our children.

There are so many things I could write about my mother…but, ultimately, at the end of the day, what matters most is that she points me to God.  She does this through her sweet words, her kind training, her loving embrace and her tender love.

So gently and simply, she held my hand and walked me through my early years until adulthood keeping me close to Him in ways only she could.  She made Jesus real to me in the way she lived her life and had me live mine.

 

Mama taught me very early on that “I can do all things through Christ who strengthens me,” and that “all things work together for good to he who loves God”.

What greater gift is there to give one’s child?

None.

There is no greater gift.

 

I am the child of a praying mother.  I am the child of a mother who loves God first and foremost in her life and who makes sure I know this every single day of my own life.

 

I am the child of a mother who sings His praises, knows His scripture, believes in His power to answer prayer.

I am the child of a mother who not only talks her faith, but who lives her faith.

Heaven’s gates are real to me because of my mother.  She gave me this gift early on….

 

There is greater gift she could give me.  Not even her own love for me can compare…and, as deep and wide and strong and mighty is her love for me, she has always taught me that..

HIS is greater.

 

Thank you, Mama…

Because of your love,

I can and will always be

ETERNALLY grateful,

I love you as only your oldest daughter can,

 

I rise up this day and all days and count my blessings that God, in his infinite kindness and love,

 
Gave me to you…

Lesa Sheryl Millstead Young

To Shirley Sue Perry Millstead…..

The Lessons I Have Learned....from God through Another....

The Lessons I have Learned....and been reminded of....from God through Another….

 “I am nothing special; just a common woman with common thoughts, and I’ve led a common life.  There are no monuments dedicated to me and my name will soon be forgotten.  But in one respect I have succeeded as gloriously as anyone who's ever lived: I've loved another with all my heart and soul; and to me, this has always been enough.” (The Notebook, modified)

Writing for me is not easy.  It is not easy because I have been so humbled in my life that I am not sure anything I have to write has value to anyone but me.  I am not the role-model that I would point to my children and say, “go follow them”.  I am not the perfect Godly woman, wife, mother, daughter, sister, Aunt that deserves much attention.  In fact, I quite possibly may be the opposite.  For all that I am sure of about myself is that I am a lowly sinner saved by Grace.  And, that the Grace-giver’s grace is sufficient to save even a wretch like me.

Funny, that I didn’t always know that about myself.  In God’s infinite mercy, He spared me from looking into the mirror too closely.  And, for that, I am grateful.

For, when you look into the mirror and see yourself in truth…real truth…His truth….

It is painful.

And I think, so painful as to bring you unto death…except for the sweetest, kindest, gentlest love of a Father who loves you so much, values you so much, treasures you so much that He brings to your view His image of your worth…your value….your purpose.

He takes his Heavenly Mirror all tall and straight and full-lengthed and places it in front of you all right and proper…and Holy.

He stands you there all uncovered and bare and still.

And, He witnesses to you all truth…

“I love you so much….you are so worthy….you have great value….you are My great treasure.  You are beautiful…you are lovely….you are Mine”

And, as He pulls you up close unto the mirror of His truth about you and your life….His hands on your shoulder, His eyes all warm and kind and forgiving….

He shows you what He sees….

Right deep down into your soul where heaven meets earthly hope…

That somewhere, somehow, some way, there is worth in you.

And, sometimes….he uses other ways to show this truth….through His word….you can read all about his love and mercies which He makes new every morning.

And, sometimes, he uses people such as precious Godly parents, or precious seeking children.

And, often he will use your mate….your help-meet, your best friend, your soul-journeyer….

And, for me he has so done….

I have known Ian since I was four years old and he nine.  I can’t say I rightly remember him way back then, but I can say that by around six or seven he did come into my life in a way I never forgot.

At a church “potluck” when I was about six or seven (Ian eleven or twelve), I was unable to get myself going on a swing.  Ian pushed me from behind and got me started….it was my first memory of him…..and, it was first evidence to me of his kind and loving heart.

Our lives touched paths again and again…at 13 he was my first “date”; at 16, he was my first “car date”; at 18, he was the first to ask me to wed and to teach me to treasure my heart and keep it safe for God.

Our paths once again crossed at a season in my life where only by the grace of God was I able to stand.  The mirror in which I viewed  myself had long been clouded with things negative, words hurtful and view ugly.  I no longer felt God’s hand on my shoulder as I stood before it.

And, while I have only one Savior….

I do believe that God used Ian as a human vessel to remind me that in this sea of life, when others would portray you as otherwise, God would see you as worthy.

There are  many things Ian, not necessarily having taught me, but most-definitely has reminded me of…

1) Keep God in your Center – In all of your centers.  Keep God in the center of your personal life, in your family’s life, in your church life, in your friendship life, in your daily life.  When you keep God as your center and your true North, all other aspects of your life flow in union with the only one who can make a true difference….who can set footers to the foundation of your personhood.

2) Stay in the Word – Only through the words of God are we able to have clear definition of how to live our lives.  There is no other way.  There is no other option.  All other words are of little use if you do not stay in The Word.

3) Stay on your knees (in prayer) – Begin your morning, settle into your afternoon and end your day in long talks with God while on your knees.  Your knees should be so warn from use that they would give out long before your time here is over, except for the grace of God.

4) Love yourself – Only when we love ourselves as Christ loves us are we able to see our great worth to Him.  In seeing ourselves as God would, we are filled with love overflowing which we are to share with others. 

5) Be humble in all things – What good is a life when you believe your way is the way; your thoughts are all accurate; your decisions are right….only God is the perfector and all others are but humble beings trying to touch the hem of his garment for peace.  Christ role-modeled the ultimate humility by dying for us…the ultimate act of being humble.  Should we not follow suit?

6) See the Good in Others – Sometimes, God uses us as His vessel for reaching out to our fellow man…sometimes, our view of a person can make all the difference.  Be positive.  Seek out the spirit of Christ in all others.  Work hard to view another as if they were a great treasure of the Lord…for they are.  He lives to save every single one.

7) Know God and His priorities – This is a hard one for us.  Commit to finding out what God wants you to do with your life and be brave enough to do it!  Does he call you to be a stay at home mom?  Should you become missionaries in Africa?  Is that Bible class one you should take?  Do you say no to that request so you can take care of your family?  sin will pull us into it’s web of over commitment, over involvement, overindulgence because it has a strong grasp.  Pray for His direction and follow.

8) Forgive – Forgive yourself, forgive others.  Christ’s death on the cross broke down all barriers enabling all sinners to have salvation through Him.  If God can sacrifice His Son on the cross and forgive us for placing Him there, who are we to hold back our forgiveness?  My sister Tashula added to Ian’s lesson to me on this subject….she said, “Lesa, I am not worth dirt if not for the forgiveness of God.”  “There is nothing, nothing which cannot be forgiven and nothing which should not be forgiven to a truly repentant heart.”  Who are we to forgive or not? It is for God to do.

9) Judge not – I have learned one thing these past five years which I pray never to forget.  What my eyes see and my ears hear on the outside, is not necessarily what truth is on the inside.  There is no need to judge another’s life because I know not the other’s heart and truth.

10) Love – God is love.  God calls us to love.  God chose love.  God demands love.  When I die and stand before Him, nothing else will matter in my life, not only here on earth but there with Him, except that He Loves Me.  He sees me as worthy….

As His.

As His Beloved.

As His much loved.

And, for that, I am eternally grateful.

To God, for choosing to feel that way about me….weak that I am…unworthy that I will always be.

And, I am grateful for those He has placed into my life to remind me of those basic truths….

To Ian….who God has used so tenderly and humbly to remind me that

I have value to the only One who truly matters…

GOD.

And, while I remain a common woman, with common thoughts….

Nothing about God’s love for me is common.

Nothing about God’s love for you is common.

Thank-you, Ian for reminding me.

Blessings,

Lesa

Love...is more than just letters scribbled in black and white

Lesa,

"I have stood on the rocky shore of Main to the black sand beaches of Hawaii.  From the golden sand beaches here in Florida to the Continental Divide in the Rocky Mountains, to the wilderness of Canada to the son baked sands of New Mexico.  From the delivery room watching my son be born to the foot of the grave watching them lower my Mom and Dad into the ground.  All of these places and times, I’ve always known something was missing in my life….It’s not missing any more.

Lesa

I know what hate is and I know what true love is.

I know what it is to be empty of God, and I know what it is to have my cup overflow.

I know how to work hard, and I know how to play hard.

I know what cheap is and I know what is more precious and valuable than gold, silver, and the human voice can express (touching your chest above your heart).

I know how to build a wall around my heart to protect me, and I know how to give my heart completely with no strings attached.

I know how to dream a goal and work as hard as I can to make it happen.

I know how to love someone so much to be able to say “if it is important to you, it is important to me.”

I know how to love someone so much to water, nourish and cultivate them so they become the most beautiful flower in the garden.

I know what it is to dream of something for a lifetime and not know if it would ever happen, and then see that dream come to this very moment we have right now…"

Ian

Such sweet words, Ian....how very precious are they to my heart.  But, they are more than just letters scribbled in black and white...you take them and bring them to life in the very tender and sweet way you treat me on a daily basis.  You have taught me many things in my fifty years...but, the greatest of these is love....

I love you...forever and one day.

Lesa

Little Acts of Kindness Linger After You're Gone.....

Little Acts of Kindness which Linger After You’re Gone

Little did I know the value of three simple, white stones when Kathy Garriott laid them on my desk on May 7, 2008.    Kathy was a gift-giver in very sweet and precious ways….she gave as one would who knew their giving time was short.  And, her’s was….and, the gifts she gave to me are ones which changed me forever…..and for the better.

Over the years, Kathy and her mother, Nancy have given me very lovely earthly gifts….trips together to Cincy and Louisville to see works of art called “The Phantom of the Opera”, “The Ballet”, fine dining, free-spirited laughter and precious friendship.

Kathy personally has blessed me with UK blue earrings from trips to Boston and bottles of wine from a local vineyard.  Upon learning that I really didn’t drink, she returned the bottle of wine and purchased me a very lovely gift in its stead.  In so doing, she gave me the gift of honor.

Kathy gave me the gift of her listening and her time.  During the brief six years we knew each other, Kathy went through many journeys with me….being a new employee, being one of two non-family members in a family run business, breast cancer, divorce, child-rearing matters and moments of confidential confidences which I am certain she took with her when she left us.

It was a daily thing for me to sit in the chair at the front of her office while she sat at her desk to talk “life”…..I still go in her office on occasion and sit there and if I am still, I believe her laughter really is what I hear.

Kathy asked me to “house sit” for her on several occasions, which now, as I look back on those times, realize she was providing me a place for peace and solitude during a very hard season in my life.  House sitting for Kathy was a true experience of Tuscan living….her home is a masterpiece of loveliness, beautiful things and warm rays of love.  I will always cherish those days my children and I “house sat” for Kathy enjoying the sunrises and sunsets each evening.  And, we were safe at Kathy’s house….a true gift.

In fact, I always felt safe with Kathy.  Safe in sharing my joys and just as safe in sharing my sorrows.  Safe in sharing my accomplishments without her thinking I was a braggart and safe in sharing my sins without her thinking I was a doomed sinner.

Kathy did not have a high opinion of people who called themselves “Christians” preferring instead those who chose to live as Christ.  She said to me very shortly after we met that Christians were some of the worst people she knew…judging rather than loving, condemning rather than forgiving.  She very bluntly let me know that my faith was something I would need to “be” and “live” and “do” if I wanted her to believe that I was sincere.  She had reasons for her belief and challenged my thinking at every turn of my life in ways no other person has ever done.

And, I miss her so much.

And, I miss so many things about her…

Her wit was sharp and quick and striking.  Her laughter was sweet, and tenacious and infectious.  She was humble yet proud.  She was kind yet discerning.  She was silly yet mature.

Kathy challenged everything about my personhood…which is what true friends, “Velveteen Rabbit” kinds of friends do.  She taught me to be real and honest and truthful.  She taught me how to cry, to weep and to mourn in ways no other person had ever taught me.

She taught me that it was okay to have “pity parties” as long as they only lasted one day and then you got on with your life.  And, when I would give into the need for such a party, if it lasted too long, she would tell me to buck up and get moving.

When I told her about my false white-picket-fence home life, she said, change it.

When I told her about my marriage illness, she told me to fight to heal it.

When I shared that my marriage might not survive, she told me to fight like hell to save it and if I couldn’t to fight like hell to let it go.

Kathy was the very first person to know that I had to go back for a re-check of my breast when I was being diagnosed with breast cancer.  I still have her e-mail…

“Kid…it’s going to be okay.  It’s going to be okay because it has to be.  You have children depending on you.  Go pamper yourself, be kind and tender with yourself, go have a pity party for the day and then buckle up for the ride of your life and get on with your life.”

Kathy was  with me when my primary doctor confirmed my cancer diagnosis.  Kathy held me as I wept for who I had been “bbc” (before breast cancer) and she gave me confidence that I would survive “PBC” (post-breast cancer).

She held my hand, kicked my butt, talked to me firmly and cried with me.  She told me dirty jokes and silly tales and let me in on her own fears and worries and cancer thoughts from her personal experience.

She convinced me that I could do this cancer thing….

And, she was right.

Because cancer is a “thing” and all you can do is the best you can do with what you have to “do” it with.

Kathy and I had cancer together with one difference.

I am here.

She is gone.

She told me before she died not to be upset too much when I survived and she did not.  What a precious gift….to know that I would have guilt and to address that head on. 

In January 2007, Kathy was diagnosed with breast cancer….then lung cancer…then all over her body cancer.  Cancer ate up everything in its path on Kathy’s body

But it lost the battle to destroying her heart.

Until the very last, Kathy’s spirit fought valiantly and positively and with her whole heart.  She outwardly refused to “get into the boat” of acceptance until that time where she had to “get into the boat” of acceptance.  And, all the time in-between, she fought the good fight….nobly….proudly….and serenely.

I watched her as she journeyed from initial diagnosis to final rest.

Etched on my heart forever is the day I walked past her office and saw her waif-like frame, pinkish white scalp leaning into the sunlight streaming across her desk.  Many was the time when I saw her lift accepting eyes and dainty nose to soak up the day’s rays of golden peace.

On an occasion or two, I even saw her let smallish tears trickle down her cheeks…and, once was privileged to wipe them away with fresh tissue….no words spoken.  None needed.

Times together in her office became me sitting in my chair and hers sitting in hers saying nothing….tears pressing hard against our eyelids….

Peace was in that room….and gentleness…and kindness….and sweetness.  And, even today, when I cross paths with her office, I still feel her presence….

When I finished my own breast cancer treatments, which fortunately for me, were simple and few, Kathy graced my desk with an exceptionally lovely bouquet of flowers and a small, blue bag filled with stones.

I remember well….stretching open the small sack as she said….”These are your touchstones to add to your faith walk….to buoy you and to remind you that this, too, shall pass….we have no promises of longevity of life…but, we can promise ourselves how we shall make the journey.”

Kathy explained that she had many, many stones to choses from, but that the three she selected were what she thought might help me most…

Faith

Harmony

Serenity

And, they did.

I have touched and held and cradled these stones many times during my walk.  I have glanced across my desk to where they lay and smiled.  On a particularly challenging day, I have prayed for these things…faith, harmony and serenity.

And, as certain as I can be of anything earthly, I know that Kathy’s gift of these stones has made my own steps on the stones of my life more serene…more harmonious…more  faithful.

 Such smallish reminders to me of what a gift is this life….what a gift is our friendships….

What a gift is our bond.

And, what a gift it was to have my brief time with Kathy.

 Blessings,

Lesa

Kathryn Venice Phares Garriott  July 11, 1954 – December 16, 2010