I Am a Praying Woman

I am a praying woman.

Perhaps because I was a praying girl.

Possibly because I was surrounded by prayer warriors.

I love prayer.

I love the power of prayer.

I have been praying for as long as I can remember.  Talking to God.  Talking with God.

Talking, whispering, crying, singing…..with God.

My first memory of “organized” prayer was with my Great Granny Sadie Belle….

“Jesus tender shepherd hear me,

  Bless the little children tonight

  In the darkness be thou near me

  Keep me safe until the early morning light”

I can still feel her wrinkled and spindly hands folding my plump young ones together in prayer…I don’t remember her face so much, but I do remember her voice whispering this prayer with me.  I might have been four or five.  I had a little night light shaped like a book which I always thought was a Bible. 

As I grew older, I remember the powerful, booming voice of others who prayed for, with and around me…

My Daddy…he prayed with strong affirmation that he believed God would answer him.  He prayed in a very committed and disciplined way as if his family depended on it…and, they did and do

My Mama…she prayed and prayed and prayed.  I have seen her smile in prayer, weep in prayer and be still in prayer.  She is the greatest prayer warrior I know.

My siblings…they have prayed in turn taking, in moments of not wanting to and at the front of the communion table.  They have prayed for marriages, babies and one another.
My children....they have prayed when they could barely say words...precious baby worded prayers, sweet young adult prayers which have melted my heart.
My husband...intimate, knowing prayers from one who sees the worst and best in me and loves me all the same; who reminds me that God loves to hear me pray....who prays with me in return.

Friends of mine have knelt with me at the front of our church (Thanks Tracy C), and at My School (thanks Patty R and many others).

We have had our church elders over and asked them to pray with us and for us and our children.

We have had our physicians pray over our babies prior to child birth and after child birth (Thanks, Dr. Hager)

I can remember praying with my friends when we were little…amazing, now that I think about it…our praying together at age 6 and 7.  It was just something we did.  Debbie, Janet and I played “church” and prayed.

I can remember praying with boyfriends prior to eating dinner on our dates.  I was telling my daughter the other day that the majority of the boys I dated were even of my same church affiliation.  I don’t remember thinking of doing that on purpose, but I did like a guy who prayed.  Even in college, several of the young men I dated were from my church background and all of them seemed to be pray-ers.  Those who were not, for some reason, learned to.

I can remember praying with my sister-friends during devotionals, ladies’ retreats, play-group times together.

I cannot imagine a life without prayer.

But, I have lived a season of life when I knew not for what to pray.

While I am a praying person, it does not always come easy to me.

I think that is because when praying you really need to speak from your heart.  I don’t know about your heart, but my own is not always lovely and beautiful as it should be.

Sometimes, when I pray….the ugliness in me comes out from my center and straight toward God.  My pettiness, ugliness, sinfulness comes flowing right along with my tears and frustrations.

I love the movie, “Eat, Pray, Love” with Julia Roberts.  The part where she gets on her knees and says,
“Hello God, it’s me….I need your help. …..please just tell me what to do and I will do it”…..tears flowing down her face.  She is new to prayer….but prays just the same…..in belief that He will answer.

I have prayed with confidence.  I have prayed in fear.

I have prayed for things such as wisdom and patience and then ducked knowing that the answers were likely to be painful.

I have prayed for children in years of infertility.

I have prayed for a second chance in times of mistakes.

I have prayed for clarity in seasons of absolutely cloud-covered thinking.

I have prayed with “brave hope” that my baby would live.

I have prayed with hope that my marriage would survive.

I have prayed to be submissive, compliant, obedient.

I have prayed to be strong.

I have prayed for 8 hours straight as a part of marriage counseling.

I have prayed for words to explain my life’s decision.

I have prayed for my babies.

I have prayed on my knees, on my feet and on my face. I have prayed in the shower (easy to hide the tears) and as I jogged.  I have prayed in the car, on the plane and in the elevator.

Prayer time at the foot of my baby’s crib was a common occurrence….little fingers wound around mine.

P R A Y without ceasing makes sense to me.

I don’t pray because I am such a great, Godly woman.

I pray because I could not survive otherwise.

I so relate to Paul in Romans when he says, “ I do not understand what I do.  For what I want to do, I do not do, but what I hate, I do.  And if I do what I do not want to do, I agree that the law is good.  As it is, it is no longer myself who do it, but it is sin living in me.  For I know that good itself does not dwell in me….for I have the desire to do what is good, but I cannot carry it out.  For I do not do the good I want to do, but the evil I do not want to do – this I keep on doing.”

I pray because I fear what I would be like if I did not.

I pray because I know life without prayer would not be live-able.

I pray because I believe God will answer my mother’s prayers for my children.

I pray because even when I am tired, scared, hurt, and broken, I believe God hears me.

And, in His hearing…..my prayerful heart understands that prayer is all about making God real in our lives.  It is our way of having a conversation with our “Father” who really is the only one who can help us, hold us, love us.

And, in the folding of my hands, I am given hope….that that which I cannot do alone, I can do with God….

And, my direct link…my text message…my Facebook message is going to be heard by Him

Through my prayers.

Blessings,

Lesa

The Promise

The Promise…..

My daughter, Madison, recently received a “Promise Ring” from her Ladder dad….a ring which originally belonged to his mother and given to Madison …..in response to her promise.

Promise defined is “a declaration that something will or will not be done, an express assurance on which expectation is based, indication of a future truth which will be carried out.”

A Promise is a serious thing.

A Promise is the living out of your heart’s commitment in the living of your life (QTMH).

Madison’s role models for making promises have been weak as is evidenced through the lives of the two most significant people in her life – her mother and her father.

For that, I have had great anguish.

However, God is a God of promises and while I may fall short, HE does not.

Thank God.

God gives us many promises…to unconditionally love us, to protect us, to teach us, to enable us, to discipline us, to seek out us, to never leave us, to never forsake us, to hear our prayers, to hear our pleas for help, to guide us, to cover us, to empower us, to enrich us, to humble us…

To LOVE us.

He is the great “Promise Keeper” and while we may fail at perfectly keeping our promises to him and to one another,

He does not.

Thank God.

For it is in HIS ability to keep HIS promises to us that WE find hope when we are not able to keep our promises to Him or to one another.

Promises give birth to commitment, compassion and hope.

As in my daughter’s life.

Madison asked me to “blog” about her promise ring and her promise…so, she will bless what I share herein…

When Madison was a young girl, the concept of making and keeping promises was never really discussed.  Our family was so wrapped up in other things, many of them very good, some not so much, that we failed to discuss “promises” covenants….commitments until it was too late.

We did not recognize, in our parenting immaturity, the need for laying the foundation of what it means to make a Promise…and, even more importantly, what it takes to keep it.

But, as is always true with God,

It is never too late….

To learn, to change, to commit,

To Promise.

Because of our  failure to teach our daughter the “value of the gift” of making a Promise and keeping it, she made some poor decisions early in her life.  Some were poor and immature with little consequence.  Some were poor and immature with grave and dire consequence.

Some make us look back and laugh at her silliness.

But, some make us look back and weep for innocence lost.

For that, both Madison, her Dad and I weep and have wept.

But, as with God, the maker of Rainbows of Promises, there is great Hope.

God who can make “all things as new”

Does.

If we but ask.

And, My daughter, precious that she is,

Has asked.

Asked us to stand beside her as she renews her promise to God to strive to live daily for Him in her life.

And, so we do.

To commemorate that renewed promise, Ian has given Madison a ring which was his Mother, Dorothy’s.  Dorothy was a very lovely, Godly woman with a long history of being bold, brave, committed and most definitely a major

“God’s Girl”

Dorothy was no quiet wallflower of a woman.  She was a pioneer in the workforce, being one of the top women employees at Fort Knox at a time where women were not fully respected for their knowledge and ability.

But, Dorothy was.

She was strong, vibrant and verbose.  She was strong-willed, strong natured and of good courage. 

She had to be.

Hers was a world where women were best seen and not heard, where the value of their ability and presence was just beginning to be seen as worthy.

And so, Dorothy was a pioneer woman of sorts…breaking the glass ceiling for young women like Madison who would come along fifty years later and have a place in the work environment which better recognized the value of her knowledge, strength and insight.

But, as Dorothy armored herself for the workplace

She lived it as one who lives first for the Lord.

She was a woman who sought God after her own heart as evidenced by how she loved her husband, married some  52 years and raised her only son, Ian.   A loving wife and precious mother who set her standards by God’s laws and not her own.

And it shows

As I go through journals, photo albums, photo graphs and the many hand written things of Dorothy’s, I am touched by her love of God…her pointing constantly toward God, His word, His heart and her desire to follow Him in all things at all times in all ways.

I think she would enjoy my daughter, the recipient of her diamond ring.

I think she would have been a good mentor to my daughter were she able.

I also think that Madison is blessed now to have two other strong and Godly women in her life – her Grammy Shirle Millstead and her Mamaw Betty McKenzie.

Both women seek God first in their lives.  Both gave over their hearts to God very early in their lives.

Both are warriors…

Warriors for the love of their husbands and the hearts of their children.

Both are mighty in the battle for the souls and spirits of those whom they love.

Prayer warriors….joy seekers…

So, Madison’s promise to live first for God, renewed that it is, comes with the back up and support of a strong heritage of women…

And, then there is you.

Many of you reading this have prayed for, stood beside and loved my daughter, and for that I am eternally grateful.  Some of you have never met my daughter, but have prayed for her  just the same. Some of you continually reach out to her via e-mail, voice mail, facebook.  And, not all of you are women (Thanks Bobby).

But, you have done what God requires.

Loved her.  Love her.

And, it makes a difference.

A promise is a hard thing to keep by oneself.

While promises are generally made by one, the support of many makes it simpler to honor.

The holding accountable makes us accountable.

The gently reminding and even the boldly reminding…perhaps even tenaciously reminding one of one’s promise.

It is a good thing.

It is a Godly thing to do.

So, as Madison re-commits herself to her Promise

To God, to herself and to her family and friends

Please keep on keeping on as you have

Pray for her, pray with her, pray despite her.

By doing so, you are supporting just one young woman who wants to be different.  Who wants to be Godly.  Who wants to live fully and purposefully?

She will stumble, she will fall and she will  make mistakes.

That is what humanity does.

But, she will have something tangible to remind her of “her Promise”

A ring…

And your prayers.

Blessings,

Lesa

It Was a Sweet Day....Just in time for Valentine's

It was a sweet day. 

Just in time for Valentine’s….

Partially because I have initiated the steps for a new journey in my life…time will tell.

But, mostly because I was able to spend the day with one of my most favorite young women in the world.

Madison.

My little sweet pea is growing up.

For a young lady who has been through much in her short life, she is walking through the “stuff” and I am proud of her. 

She has not done this on her own….and, it shows.

When I walked into her dorm room today to wait for her as she took a test in one of her classes, I was greeted with many reminders of who is #1 in her life.

I cannot express how touched I was with the words scattered around her room.  Truth be told, her former  roommate Sara (who has gone to join our military) probably placed most of them in the room, I saw only a few in Madison’s handwriting.  But, Madison kept them in their place…and, I know from talking with her, she left them on purpose and in hopes that if she would be faithful in the small things, God would be with her in all things.

None of my children is perfect. 

But, neither is their mother.

What I do love about each of them is that they are real and authentic.

And, I believe in my mother’s heart that they do love the Lord.  I believe that because I ask them at times if they do….I want them to think about it.  Often. 

Living for Him is more of a challenge….life is tough in the best of circumstances.  So, seeing my daughter’s room blanketed in Bible verses and prayers was very touching…and, it gave me hope and joy.

Hope that He will be with her every moment of the day and that she will recognize that presence.

Joy in knowing that God is faithful to answer prayers – my biggest one of which is that He continually put Godly people in her life to love her and remind her ultimately to whom she belongs.

Further sweet to me was watching Madison participate with her peers in her classroom setting.  It was fun to sit in a room where I had sat some 28 years ago and watch her interact with her peers.  Fun to see her learning and sharing and laughing.  Joyful to see her participate in a mature yet silly way on a fun and silly project.

Sweet as well was walking down the same paths on campus I had walked may years before…thinking I had it figured out and now knowing I didn’t, nor does she.

We did the lunch thing and shared.

We did the Mama/daughter thing and shared.

We did the silly girl thing and snapped photos of ourselves in the car outside of her dorm room.  The things I let her talk me into doing is funny.

She talked mature.  She talked of boys.  She spoke of classwork.  She mentioned CRU (a Bible study) and her need to get in the groove this semester.

But, interwoven between all of that woman was the little girl I carried home in my arms almost 22 years ago…

her – baby girl                       me – Mommy

She just melted my heart.  And, I cannot express how grateful I am to God for my little sweet pea. 

That God would choose to bless me with such a daughter is one of my greatest joys and gifts….and, days like today are made doubly sweet by being in her presence.

So, we kissed goodbye and I turned my head to see her walk away from the car…one last glimpse of one of the greatest gifts I have ever been given.

Madison Elizabeth Jewel

All wrapped up in a sweet, pink bow and given to me..by Him.

I am eternally grateful.

Blessings,

Lesa

I Was Privileged to Attend "The Faces of Substance Abuse"

I was privileged recently to attend a conference entitled, “The Faces of Substance Abuse” which is a workshop for professionals and Partnering Agencies who work to combat drug/substance abuse.  I am new to this environment, being a newly hired employee for Scott Countians Against Drugs a/k/a SCAD and my mind is blown with all that I am learning….and from WHOM I am learning...

I heard speakers from all over Kentucky and even Florida discuss how insidious the drug abuse problem is in our nation.  I heard seasoned professionals give out statistics.   I heard Attorneys discuss legal remedies.  I heard Physicians discuss medical helps.  I heard a former/recovering addict share his life’s journey through drug abuse and back.  Each was amazing and powerful.

BUT, what impressed me the most was a presentation given by a bunch of youth from “38 Kids and Counting:  Building a Successful Youth Program” from Henry County, Kentucky.

While the adult-provided information was excellent, well presented and factual, it was these ten or so young adults who gave me hope.  They were articulate in HOW they presented their information on combatting drug abuse among their peers but more importantly,

Their message was powerful…

Here is what I learned from these young people:

1)      Don’t try to win the war against drug abuse, try to win mini battles right in your own back yard

2)      When you deal with something invisible (drug abuse is generally hidden), you have to make it visible

3)      Let your peers see that is a privilege and honor to be a part of the Army against drug abuse rather than giving in to those who would tell you it is more fun to be a user

4)      Created programs in response to actual needs of your community rather than what a committee of activists come up with – ask the hard questions

5)      Be willing to be self-critical and to accept criticism from others and use that knowledge to improve your program

6)      Planning always equals fair division of labor, implementation and follow through and dedication of members

7)      Never give up and always look up

8)      Don’t look down on them because of their youth; youth has insight which age cannot have; age has wisdom which can helpfully guide youth; together, they can be a powerful coalition

One later likened the war against drugs to the war against sin…it will always be with us – and, all we can do is each commit to do our part, one person at a time, on life at a time, my soul at a time.

She took the same eight principles above and changed the focus from combatting drugs to that of combatting sin.

Amazingly, they all applied.

This from a young person too young to have committed very many “baddies” in her life….

I left their presentation with a greater understanding of the seriousness of drugs in our schools and small communities, a greater sense of urgency as an adult to do my part and a greater perspective of hope in our future leaders.

These young adults did not get paid for their heavy involvement in their communities, they did not get a grade to be reflected on their GPA status nor did they get accolades for their commitment to teaching their peers why not to do drugs.  What they did get was the personal satisfaction of CARING about something greater than themselves.....a "mind-blowing" concept.

They care about their own bodies, minds and spirits

They care about their friends, family and teammates

They care about their school, church and activities

They care about their community

And, in that caring, they find the self-awareness, self-confidence, self-commitment it takes to choose to take the path of saying No to drugs which are the Anti-Care of life.

They said when the “care” is planted back into the hearts of people; the ability to say NO will grow and thrive.

And, perhaps most powerfully, they said care is a gift which each person can give to another person..

Which means we can all chooses to Care…

We can all choose to "share our care"

C A R E….a mind-blowing concept, starting with each of us.

So, as they said, “Let’s do!”

C A R E

Blessings,

Lesa

True Faced

“Remember humbly admitting to God who you really were?  Right about then you met Jesus.”  “God can’t help us until we trust Him with who we really are.”

                                                                        ~True Faced by Thrall, McNicol & Lynch

I sat across the dinner table from some very dear friends this weekend catching up on their lives and catching them up on mine.  It was a tender time….

We discussed so many things…ourselves, our children, work, church, common friends, life in general.

My friends have had pain in their lives…along with great joy.  They have felt acceptance and they have felt rejection.  They have felt loved and they have felt mis-understood.  They have felt the tender compassion of friendship and they have felt the strong whip of judgment.

And, all of this had changed them.

They were different.

Tender.

I am told that the eyes are the window to the soul of a person.  My friends eyes were rich in love, compassion, hurt, and forgiveness…

Their hands, which lay on my dining table were the hands of mighty warriors battling humble.

Their words were soft and gentle.

Life had dealt them blows.

Life had broken their hearts.

As the wife said, “My Tigger was dead” (as in Winnie the Pooh)

But life had not won.

Their eyes lit up as they leaned into one another and committed….

When we gave over our full selves to God and let Him be our rudder, our lives became valuable.

When we looked at ourselves long in the mirror…really looked..

Through tear-filled eyes

And admitted to God who we really were…

We became healed.

Whole.

Forgiven.

When we said to God…”here I am…just as I am…lowly that I am…broken that I am…sinner that I am…
 

When we trusted God…our maker and creator…with our REAL selves…

When we gave over to God our ugly selves

When we stopped the pretense of having it all together and admitted we had nothing together

When we revealed our broken places to ourselves

And our families

And our church

THAT is when we met Jesus.

And, that is when we started living.

Now, these are people who I have always felt were real and authentic.  These are people who were pretty quick to share their broken places.  I never sensed any pretense or farce in their lives.

These are two precious souls who had some tough things thrown at them in life and readily shared.

These are a brother and sister who had called upon their friends to pray.

They were noble warriors…ones who shared their battles and knew God was required in their lives or their lives would not be livable.

So, to hear them say that through all of that they had not fully admitted who they really were and given themselves over to God was pretty humbling.

How does one go about doing that?

How do you know when you have done so?

I asked.

And, he said

“it is a journey you work on every day, but, you know you are on the right path when you refuse to look at the lives of others in judgment and focus instead of God’s plan for your own life.”

“when you are able to love others without condemnation”

“when you are able to understand that God is working on those around you just as He is working on you and in that, you should just love.”

“Lesa….God just calls us to love one another”

Which, after many years of soul searching,

I have come to accept as well.

Do we turn our heads away from the sins of life? No

I don’t think so.

I personally think that there is a place and time for friends, churches, brothers and sisters to lovingly and pointedly turn others to the Word for direction.

I have done that in my 49 years.  I have received that in my 49 years.

But, ultimately, at the end of the day, even that is to be done with love and compassion and stout standing for God’s Word.

We discussed the lineage of Jesus, the friendships of Jesus, the brothers and sisters of Jesus..

Saying that they were an imperfect lot would be an understatement.  Every commandment, every law and every rule for life has been broken by those whom Jesus loves.

Is that “okay” with Him? No

I heard at church this past Sunday a teacher declare..

God weeps in anguish for our sinfulness.  In Jeremiah, God describes the great lengths He will go to to punish the rebellious of heart…”uprooting them from their lands.” 

He pulls them away from all which is familiar and tears them from the ground of their sinfulness…and, He allows them to suffer for their misdeeds…

But, He then says,

“But after I uproot them, I will again have compassion and will bring each of them their own inheritance and their own country.  And, if they learn well the ways of “my” people and swear by my name saying, “as surely as the Lord lives”, even as they once taught my people to swear by Baal – THEN they will be established among my people.”

He had compassion…a feeling of deep sympathy and sorrow for another who is stricken by misfortune, accompanied by a strong desire to alleviate the suffering.

And, gratefully, HE has the ability to alleviate it.

So, my friends and I discussed this thought..

What if….

What if rather than keeping our distance from those who sin…which is all of us…what if we just had compassion and love for them and let God do the judging?

God knows the whole story of a person’s life.  He knows the truths and the lies.  He knows the sin and the repentance.

So, What if….

What if we let HIM handle the “stuff” and we just loved?

All of us at my table agreed…that would free each of us up to be REAL…and, how much simpler would life be if we could be real with one another?

How freeing would it be not to just “mouth” the words but to actually live them?

Would life’s messiness be exposed?  Oh yes

Would it make us uncomfortable?  Yes, yes

Would it be painful to watch, to experience?  Yes again

But, what if, by doing so, we were able to become real…living in our skin right for all to see?

Could it be lovely? Yes

Could it be marvelous? Yes

Could it be freeing?  Yes

Would it be Godly?  I think so

Do we have to drown one another with our folly?  No.  That would take us away from God’s work in our lives.  But, I do think, when those opportunities arise to be compassionate with one another to the point of allowing and encouraging “real-ness”, that we should give ourselves to that.

And, in doing so, believe we will become the Real selves God intended us to be.

And, in the so doing, met Jesus….like I did at my dinner table with my beloved friends.

Blessings,

Lesa

Why does God step out from behind veils and make His face blindingly known?

Because He loves us so…

(excerpted from A Holy Experience 1/9/12)

A Time For Everything

A Time for Everything

There is a time for everything and a season for every activity under the heavens.

A time to be born and a time to die,

A time to plant and a time to uproot,

A time to tear down and a time to build,

A time to weep and a time to laugh,

A time to mourn and a time to dance,

A time to scatter stones and a time to gather them,

A time to embrace and a time to refrain from embracing

A time to search and a time to give up

A time to keep and a time to throw away

A time to tear and a time to mend

A time to be silent and a time to speak

A time to love and a time to hate

A time for war and a time for peace

…..I know that there is nothing better for people than to be happy and to do good while they live.  …that each of them may eat and drink and find satisfaction in their toil – that is the Gift of God.”

Ecclesiastes 3:1-15

My Very Sweet and Precious Mother

My very sweet and precious Mother gave her “babies” (all 28 of them) a bookmark with a photo of her and my Daddy on the face of it.  In her own handwriting she wrote:

2011

John

13:34-35

We Love You!

Mama & Dad

This particular passage reads:

“A New command I give you:  Love one another.  As I have loved you, so you must love one another.  By this everyone will know that you are my disciples (children), if you love one another.”

I feel in total union with my Mother at this time in my life and believe I fully understand her heart’s desire…Mama knows the innermost workings of my heart, and I think I know hers….

To have EVERY one of her children, grandchildren, family and friends love one another.

Just to love.

Simply love.

Only love.

Mama understands that life is short….

She understands that family is all that matters.

And, that family encompasses many people.

Her babies through physical birth, her babies through God’s special gifting, her babies through adoption, her babies through friendships and through church family. 

She could not love any of us one single bit more because the love she has for each of us is total love…unconditional love…accepting love…encouraging love.

She loves us when we are arrogant, ugly, bitter, angry, mean-spirited and sinful.

She loves us when we are humble, sweet, kind, tender and Godly.

But, Mama is the utmost happiest and most joyful when her babies do the same as she emulates.

Love…

As God calls us to…

“and yet I will show you the MOST EXCELLENT way…if I have faith that can move mountains but do not have love, I am nothing….If I give all I possess to the poor and give over my body to hardship that I may boast but do not have love, I gain nothing.

LOVE IS…

Patient

Kind

Un-envious

Honorable

Selfless

Not easily angered

Forgiving

Delights in Godly ways

Rejoices in truth

LOVE ALWAYS

Protects

Trusts

Hopes

Perseveres.

Love never fails.

I think of all the gifts we can give my Mama, to love one another is truly the one she cherishes most…

Love when it is easy and when it is not.

Love which is true and freely given.

And, I believe that we, her children, want not only to give her that gift from us, but to one another. 

It is something we can do.

Not just for our Mother, but for our Mother who knows that our love for one another…family, friends, and others is a direct reflection of our love for Christ.

And, we all can tell you, the only one Mama loves more than her husband and babies and friends is the author of love…

God

Who so desires us to love one another that he not only asks us to, but He commands we do…

So that when others look upon us

They see

Him.

We can all do that….

Blessings,

Lesa